Musing..

Someone just asked me “Annie, do u still believe in love?” And I answered without missing a beat, “Yes I do.” Damn the question keeps popping up all the time eh? Why is it assumed that someone who has had a breakup has to be a non believer? Is everyone falling in the said category a non believer? If so then that makes me one strange girl!! :P

I have had a rather depressing love story, having loved a guy for a better part of college life, which ultimately ended in total chaos, misery and tears. I’m not trying to be super-womanly about it… I went through my share of crying and moping and questioning the world “Y me?” I was depressed crazy but you know I reached a point where I finally believed that the guy wasn’t worth it. I mean I am not blaming him or cursing him all the way to damnation, no I am not, I just finally came to terms with the fact that he wasn’t the one I am supposed to be with. I have no reason to hate him, because hating him won’t make things any better. He has wronged me yes, and there are some things I will never forgive him for, but no matter what I cannot just do away with years off my life can I now? The memories are always going to be there and its my choice whether I put up with them lik adjusting in a badly cramped place, poking and prodding at things from the past or packing them away in a cardboard box and putting them away at the back of the room. I made the place. I put them away back. For good. :)

Do I still believe in love? Yes I do. I am one silly girl who happens to be a eternal romantic. I still believe someday someone is going to show up who is going to come and sweep me off my feet. Of course he won’t be perfect, because no one is, but he will be perfect for me. I dream of that guy sometimes, smiling foolishly, about someone who isn’t even here yet!!! Lolz. I really AM strange. :P

Being in a relationship that didn’t work out and broke my heart could have very easily turned me bitter towards a lot of things in life. Most people I know are like that, unable to accept something that life is offering now, because you are still clutching the past. That is not how it should be. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. Maybe the best reason for all the crap that happened to you was to make you perfect for the next person who comes along. :)

There’s a very special person who I often tell, “Everything has to balance out in the universe. If something bad has happened to you, something good is waiting for you right around the corner.” Hope someone who is reading this right now, realizes that and smiles. Coz nothing makes me happier than making someone smile. :)

Annie.
P.S: there is a lot more to life than you think there is, so SMILE ppl! For all you know, someone might be falling in love with that smile right now. :)

Of being sleepless, GROSS men, and Rishi Kapoor..

Awake at an ungodly hour such as now (4:42 am), listening to my all time fav song - Iris, NOT thinking of the past as I would have been doing under the previous two conditions.. instead Im in some philosphical mode, thinking about life and love and friendships and college and office and you know, anything and everything and nothing at all too :) But I aint getting any better with the conclusions part, but its ok I guess. Life has been good. And thats enough for now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have been travelling by bus to office a lot lately (afterall I was going to run out of money SOMEDAY. well, guess someday is here :P) Ma kicked me literally and told me in a rather stern(bullying) voice that just because I earn now, DOESNT mean I am supposed to spend it ALL in one go. Lolz. That conclusion being derived from the fact that absolutely NOTHING *gasp* remains of my first month salary. Hahaha! guess I got a lil bit too enthusiatic with all the cash :P

Haan toh I was saying ki I travel by bus a lot these days, and as usual I observe. Meaning I have this tendency of observing things in situation I cant talk nonstop like I usually do. So I have observed this rather strange mix of people I meet in buses. I wont go into the details of them all (maybe someday later) But there is one thing I have observed so many times, but never ever fails to GROSS me out! I mean this is by far the yuckiest thing I have ever observed and discussions with fellow male species didnt give me much insight on why men do it in the first place. The topic being "what is with the impossible urge of men(?) to scratch their crotches in public?" *pukes*

Ok so I really like the window seat in buses. I dont like to sit on the sides because invariably some guy/man/creature with the (dash) is going to come there, smelling lik a goat, thrust his royalty right next to my shoulder, n get into the scratch-like-a -monkey mode. All that happening like inches away from my face. *ewwwww* :

Ok so I m grossed out at 5 in the morning. Lolz. :P

Moving onto other bus happenings. BEST has installed some really pathetic looking TV's inside the buses, which play the choicest songs. I mean one bus ride from Andheri to Chandivili put me through various levels of choreography witnessed by the Indian cinema.

First up was "Sochenge tumhee pyaarrr aarrr aarrrr kare ki nahi". I was snoozing in the bus when I heard the song suddenly start, and I woke up HIGHLY irritated wondering who on earth wrote a song that says "I will THINK about wheather I want to love you" Dont we like have enough of people in the world who cant make up their mind??!!! *shakes head* Next the visual (lack of)treat. Rishi Kapoor dancing in a silver suit *suffers head trauma due to the sudden glare* Then came out a horde of women (wearing silver ofc, color coordinated song that was!) who looked like they forgot to wear their saree's. Oh dear god! what could POSSIBLY be worse? I found out soon.

I have this another tendency to observe dance steps, because I have been dancing from as long as I can remember, and many times, we set dances with dance steps taken from here and there. In this song, there was a wide array of props - first FLAGS (the miniature kind we get on independence day), then we had peacock feathers, lasers, ribbons - everything that glitters and DOES NOT go with silver.

Last but not the least, Rishi Kapoor removes his silver *I don shades to protect eyes now* jacket, and Lo! wht do we see? its RED on the inside!!! Its also satin, and Rishi uncle is sweating profusely and next he removes his jacket and throws it in the middle of a group of screaming women. *shakes head*

I went back to sleep, throughly traumatised from the odd 3 minute song, and dreamt of intermittent silver flashes of light.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My favorite Prince is back home.


- Annie.
P.S: N Im still NOT sleepy!!! :P :D

A-Z ....

Dhapped the Tag from MistyRhythm's page... (ok im back to doing Tags. :P yeah i like them so much!)

A – Available/Single? – Single: YES Available : NO
B – Best friend? – I have too many! Can’t pick one. :)
C – Cake or Pie? – Cake. Cheesecake :) As weird as it might sound, I've never had pie.
D – Do I want something right now?– Yes! But its highly unlikely I will actually get it.
E – Essential item you use every day? – Kohl. Everyone knows that by now eh? :P Oh and Davidoff Cool Water. I NEVER leave home without a dab.
F – Freedom to me is? – Being Happy. Being unhappy means something is restricting you somewhere...
G – Giggle / Laughter – Laughter. I have been blessed to have met people who brought a lot of that into my life...
H – Heart / Brain – I’m one messed up system. In matters of the heart, I let my brain do the talking and when I should let my brain decide, my heart takes over. *sigh!*
I – Indulgence/ Addiction? – Indulgence. There are simply too many things cluttered around in my life for it being feasible to get addicted to.
J – June or July? – June. It rains a lot here in that month. Plus I always associate school with that month, since it was when it reopened.
K – Kids & their names? – I had once planned on naming my little son Rehaan. I don’t know if I still want to. It’s hard to get over the mental image I had of the little things he would do, at the same time, even the fictious lil boy reminds me of things I would rather forget.
L - Life is – too bizarre and complicated to be explained in a one liner.
M – Mistakes – do not sound so dumb when we make them right? :P Ok ok seriously, I think if people wouldn’t make any mistakes, they wouldn’t get any wiser. :)
N – Number of siblings? – None.
O – One thing I hate to accept? – That I have absolutely NO ego. I forgive much too soon and much too easy. K It shouldn’t work that way.
P – Pictures / Reality – Reality. It leaves a lasting impression. One that limited dimensionality of pictures cannot capture.
Q – Quote for today? – “I wish you could hear all the words I’m too afraid to say…”
R – Reason behind my brain working these days? – Coffee. Coffee. And some more coffee. :P
S – Season? – Monsoon. I have always had a love affair with the rains… From the beginning of tiny drizzles to the lashing of a heavy downpour. It’s a season for romance, what else will be the fitting favorite for an eternal romantic like me?
T – Tag 3 People? – Noone since I know people dislike doing tags. I think I’ve spammed people enough already :P
U – Unknown fact about me? – Ahh!! Lemme see… I’ve really tiny hands. :P
V – Vegetable you don't like? – I’m not too picky about food. It just has to taste good. :P
W – Worst habit? – Falling in love too easily...
X – X-rays you've had? – Err.. Hands, Legs, Ears ( :O ). Yeah, that’s about it.
Y – Yes?? Yuck??? – Makes no sense whatsoever, so moving on to the last question…
Z – Zodiac sign? – Feisty Fiery Sagittarian :P

So noone told you life was gonna be this way....

So... What do you do when you wake up with the mother of all headaches and a foul mood.. Not because you got wasted but because you cried yourself to sleep last night.. *sigh!*

So what do you do when you THINK you are making it through tough times, with awesome friends and work and silly crushes and losing a couple of pounds and looking greater than ever before? You rejoice right? You are supposed to feel good about yourself, because damnit, your life’s great. But the catch word was ‘think’… because life has a way of coming right back at you and telling it to your face that everything isn’t ok yet. With no hopes of it getting ok either.

Why do people say things that hurt, that cut so deep and so bad, that the words actually keep repeating themselves over again even after they are already said. Why does it happen that silly girls like me fall for the WRONG guys?? *sarcastic laugh* Why is it so that people become important to you, slowly creeping into your heart without even a whisper and it doesn’t hit you till you reach a point where it starts to hurt that you will never mean the same?

And what do you do when that happen anyway?

You spend the whole Sunday, dressed in your favorite PJ’s, the most comfortable faded old tee, sitting with a extra big tub of chocolate chip ice-cream and watch the oldest episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. … and wish life would have been that easy. *sigh!*

Annie.
P.S: I know I haven’t been regularly posting here, so I thought I could drop in every once a while with miniature rants. *sigh!* I promise to NOT be this grumpy always.
P.P.S: I SO know now what Rachael felt when Ross got off that plane with Julie in tow. (Yeah I hav been watching Season 1 back to back) *sigghh!!!*

Happy Bday!

Dearest Sweetheart,

Wish U manyyyy manyyyy happy returns of the day!!! :) Hope u hav an amazing time today, starting NOW!!!! :)

Luv,

Annie :)

Finally the Tag!!!!

OneThoughtOn had tagged me like AGES ago... But with work, n (tryin to) stay away from the blog, reading other blogs, etc etc... I didnt get the time to put it up. My apologies. But alls well now, just handed in a big project, nothing to do for the weekend, except shop shop and more shop. :P So here it is, My "four" Tag :)



4 places I have lived:
1. Mumbai (Goregaon West)
2. Mumbai (somewhere midway between Goregaon and Malad)
3. Mumbai (Malad West)
4. Mumbai (somewhere different in Malad West)

:P
(I have stayed here all my life and DO NOT plan on shifting anywhere out. EVER.)


4 TV shows I love to watch:
1. F.R.I.E.N.D.S (who doesnt? :P)
2. HIMYM (Totally in love with Barney :D)
3. CSI (NY & Miami both) :P
4. Big Bang (Sheldon is awesome! :P)



4 places I have been on vacation:
I havent travelled much, though I would really love to. I have been on mini vacations - shorts visits to relatives scattered all over India, so ill pick my top four :
1. Hyd whn I had just started college. :)
2. Goa - 2nd year trip with VJ Wizards
3. Shimla-Manali - 3rd year trip with again the wizards
4. North Again - Final year trip with Wizards, yet again! :)


4 of my favorite food:
1. Prawns :P (BIG sea foodie :P)
2. Pav Bhaji - Im a mumbaikar, what do u expect? :P
3. College ki canteen ka ragda samosa :)
4. Anythng from KFC :)

*basically anything that ISNT south indian. I totally hate south indian food :P No offence!! Some of my best friends are southies (refer: dimpled angel) :)*


4 websites I visit daily:
1. PlanetSourceCode
2. CodeProject
3. Facebook/Orkut :P
4. Blogger :)



4 places I’d rather be:
1. Inorbit Mall :P :D Damn!!! D mall closed on time today but my shopping wasnt yet over :P :D
2. Atlanta :( :( *Miss u sweetypie*
3. A friend in another city needs a hug. Wish I was there giving it myself, instead of over the phone.
4. The bed? I m sooo sleepyy!!! :P


4 novels I love: (changed original question, cz it didnt make sense to me :P)
1. A Thousand Spendid Suns
2. Kite Runner
3. If Tomorrow comes
4. Bartimaeus Triology :)




4 movies I can watch over and over again:
1. A walk to remember
2. RDB
3. Step Up 1,2
4. Lion King 1, 1 1/2, 3 :)


4 things I hope to do before I die:
1. Bungee Jumping , Scuba Diving
2. Buy my dream home, just like I had always imagined all my life :)
3. Visit all places on d 100 places to see before u die list
4. Feel impossibly, crazily, amazingly loved by a silly man I can always call my own.


4 people I want to tag:
Not tagging anyone. anyone who finds it interesting can do it, n leave a link in d comments. :)

- Annie.
P.S: Life is strange *grumbles*

My First (Office)ial Rant :P

I like the sound of Software Developer. A LOT. *grin*

Sigh!! I can be refered to as a working woman (wht? noooo :O working girl) now. A week into my new job, Im already frustrated enough to dish out profanities. :P :D Lolz. No no, kidding..!!! Just a lil bit of whining. :)

Damn do I miss college or what? :( I miss meeting up with friends and hanging out and having the time of our lives. I miss college and the basketball court and the canteen and every blade of grass in the comps dept. :( Bt sigh!! The college days are all gone and Im pushed into the IT world. N so far, it has been crazyyy!!! Presenting a list of my outbursts over the week :-

1. Why the hell were heels invented? Why the hell am I so short? Why cant I wear sneakers to work? Who said converse doesnt go with churidars? ARGHH!!! :

2. The first week of college, and my SIX year record is flushed rather unceremoniously down the train - of NEVER EVER have missed a train in my life. My personal best was when I was thrusting money into the autowalas hand, who seemed half asleep and the train was pulling into the FOURTH platform. N one week of work, I missed not one, not two, but THREE trains to work! :O (reasons: dupatta goin haywire, heels making it impossible to crush someone foot, ather getting ur own crushed and all ladies existing between Virar to Borivili stuffed into ONE coach!!)

3. I always liked travelling by buses. Its a nice place to listen to songs, read books, complete assignments, observe funny people, talk on d phone, hum to urself... That is I thought so, before last week happened to me : First I discovered, that out of the odd million people who stay in Mumbai, almost all stay at Andheri, and more than half of them work at SakiNaka, and HAVE
to catch the same bus as mine : That meant a bus ki line that started at some god forsaken bustop, and went on n on n on.. all d way onto the railway bridge!!! Second I found out to my horror, that the rule *ahem* "Ladies First" doesnt apply anymore, and so I ended up all battered and bruished at work my very third day. As of next week, I will assume catching a
bus to work akin to goin for battle and dress accordingly :P

//That does it wid the REACHING part
(see i m even using coding notations in here.. lolz.. '//' stands for commented lines)

4. I reach work, d wind knocked out of me, my preciously made hair all haywire (I stopped bothering with it second day onwards), wet from the sudden onslaught of rains, and i find that the AC is turned up to freeze me into a human icicle. No it cant be turned down. Yes you may wear a sweatshirt (Thnk god). So tht makes me the only grl in history who wears a old faded (dhapped) sweatshirt over churidar-kurtas :P

5. I get my own new brand new system (Yayyy), but it is filled with SOOOO many things, it makes the 4GB RAM cry in despair :P :D I wud hav gone into technical details here, ghost processes n all. :P lekin jaane do. :P (see, i m even TALKING technical now. sigh.) Afterthought - even my lappy works faster :P on a measly 2 GB :)...

6. Got ragged by every senior member on the company board, one of which turned out to be an advertisement actor. lolz. (colgate ki ad ka dentist is my boss :P :D) They made me sing :P Work Place rocks!!! They are a fun loving lot, fridays ko timepass karte hai aur weekends pe sports!! yippeee!!! looks like basketball has a hope after all.. (sings. dances. smiles gleefully.)

7. Instruction on first day : Use Skype to chat. U will get free food, order what u want, U can do whtever u want with the internet (excellent speed btw) , dress smartly, formals NOT necessarily required. (thnk godd!!!)

8. Coding has been fun so far, but each passing day it is getting harder. For instance, does anyone even realize what all jhol-jhamela I have to do, to get tabs for new windows lik there in IE and firefox? sigh. I m STILL working on it. :P (side effects: I talk and analyze situations in terms of if-then-else, switch-case, try-catch, do-while :P :D) oh n ya, ASP.NET is the best thing that
ever happened to the coding world :D (all u JAVA guys *thumbs down*)

9. 1 week, and my daily consumption of coffee went from a cup every now and then, to minimum 3 cups a day :P Strangely that is the only thing that cures my all-too-frequent headaches now :) Today I tried tea, it was good !!! :)

10. (conversation between me and frnd sitting NEXT to me) :
me : I can see wht ur doin (evil laugh)!!!!
her : jaa naa kamini... kaam kar.. break over
me : chal coffee lene jaate hai
her : bore ho raha hai, tu ja
me : haa, ab toh merese baat kyu karegi shanii :(
her : nautanki saali :P
me : (content supressed) :P
her : (content supressed. google wale suffer minor heartattck) :D
me : btw, aaj kaunsa din hai? 4th? 5th?
her : 5th... HAHAHAHA... chal party.
me : yessss, 5 din ka 5000 in hand.. hehehe :P :D
her : no in bank. :( 1st ko celebrate karenge
me : hahahaha.... chal chal ab status change kar, "busy at work"
(gtalking :P :D)

So thats it, from my side. :)
Applause plzz!!! :P

Annie
P.S: onethoughton's TAG coming up next.
P.P.S: Last, one good bye post. Cz tht will mark the end of my blog.

Rains..

*I wrote this a longgg time back, but i never put it here, cz well, a lot of things i write dont find their way here anyway... it was just one of those things...

anyway, since its raining rain posts all over blogville, here is My Rain Post *

Sights, smells and sounds… those are the things that define memories for me. Memories are the things that I remember with amazing clarity… all it takes is a moment to close my eyes and feel it all over again…

One of my most favorite things in the world is to watch the rains. There was this time when , I used to be the first one out there…drenched to my skin, happy , oblivious to the hardships of life. It was like timeout, u know. Just forget everything. All that matters is the pitter patter of the rain drops… the winds in the background… and the skies the color of molten iron. Somewhere along the way the little girl had to grow up. Now she’s on the other side of the window. Just watching and reminiscing about those days…

Rains.

There’s so much about them that I cant forget….
Memories of carefree childhood.
Memories of first day to school… year after year… of home and being tucked safely under the soft cozy bedcovers… as it poured outside..
Memories of two best friends beginning a ritual of treating each other every time they met (which is like once a year) … that will last forever…
Memories of time with friends discovering the joys of being a college going student…discovering the infinite possibilities of stuff to do when u r free…

And of course…Memories of love.
Memories of being kissed for the very first time… in the light drizzle in the middle of nowhere… a sweet memory of just a peck on the cheek… just as beautiful even after all these years…
Memories of passionate kisses while getting wet in the rain… with someone who disliked the rains as much as I loved them. Feel the odd combination of the cold rain outside and searing heat within…
Memories of being locked up in a small cozy place as it poured outside. Feel the hand slip down the arm, pulling me closer. Can u imagine still feeling the breath tht ruffled your hair even though it happened a lifetime ago?
Memories of crashing waves and rushing winds as we strolled down the bandstand… then seaface…
Memories of the college quad… silent… and the basketball and us…
Memories of dreams coming true… in the world where they still existed.

People moved on. Hearts got broken. Life changes and so do the people who held a special place once upon a time. We all move on. We all have to forget things. Vacuum out the dust to make way for sometime new. Some people are not meant to be together. And some are supposed to be there even though they think they ought to go away. Everything changes. Some of the people who are there as a part of all these memories don’t even exist in my life anymore. Atleast not in the real sense. But they will continue to be there as long as I have these memories.

And even though some hurt me bad… the memories don’t hurt anymore. They are just there… thinking about them is like watching a movie that u have seen before. You know what’s gonna happen and u know that no matter how hard you cry, you cant change the end. Its sort of like that. There will come a time when everything will be worth it and when that day comes, the memories will make u realize that… Sometimes the worst things that happen to you… are actually the best ones… think about it...

Annie.
P.S: The pic is courtesy Arnab, one of my nicest blogger friends. :) And also my Bengali Teacher. So far all I hav learnt is "Kaemon acho?" :P :D

P.P.S: And thanks to Prince Ali too, who told me a long time back that I ought to put this on the blog. :)

New Blog!!! :) :) :)

Hey ppl!!!
I just started a new blog. For d reason why I started one when I have this one here and another almost dead one too, plz plz go there and see....
http://www.pinkperiwinkles.blogspot.com/
I promise, d place ISNT pink (for pink haters lik Mona, Pam, Karan :P )
After HOURS of searching I FINALLY found a template where I fell in love at first sight. And hence now, finally its open to all of you.. :) :)
Hav fun, Hope u'll like it. :)

Lotssss of luvvv,
Annie :)
P.S: Pam, n whoever else thinks the url is toooo girly, NOT one crack abt d name, : i like it as it is. If u dont knw wht periwinkles are, google it!!! :P :)

P.P.S: GOD!!! d amount of ppl who asked me wht periwinkles are !!! someone (ahem! :P) even asked me wht are 'winkles' cz apprently pink peri means somethng!!! lolz lolz. :P so here it is. !!! (rolls eyes) wht ya u ppl!!! :P

Masquerade Lovers

In a room full of people.. Long coats and pretty dresses,
And painted faces, bright with every color,
Between us is a dance floor, glinting and bare,
And the music beckons us on…

Our eyes meet across the room,
And I can’t pull my gaze away, you captivate me so..
It’s dangerous, this feeling, like a drug,
Recklessness and the thrill..

We walk towards each other, holding our gaze still,
Meet in the middle of the dance floor, the lights on us..
We don’t talk, hiding behind feathered masks,
No Words get in the way..

You take my hand and spin me across the floor,
Did you feel that tiny charge that shivered down my spine?
As you pulled me in your arms.. so close to you..
That mute sigh that escaped my lips...

Nothing so intimate, as the touch of your hand on my waist,
And my hand on your shoulder, and our fingers intertwined,
This rhythm we dance to, like it was made for us,
Like you were made for me...

Its sin.. The way your eyes strip me..
Down to my deepest core, leaving me vulnerable,
Your ivory mask is cold beneath my fingertips touch,
But d heat in your eyes sears me through and through…

We hide behind our masks, and our fine dresses,
And we play the little pretend game,
Of being perfect and beautiful, when we might be not,
No words said, just our eyes do the talk..

The music stops now, you hold my gaze a bit longer,
You bow. I curtsy. The dance is over.
Masquerade Lovers... that’s what we were,
We lived a love story in that one dance,
And then we left, two opposite directions, you & I,
Never to ever meet again...

Annie...

P.S: I found the pic first, and it inspired me to write the poem... I told ya, I m weird!! :)