Wednesday Wallpapers #20

Picture Courtesy: Ankit Daftery

~ Annie.
P.S: It is so lonely around here these days! :( Doesnt anyone ever come here anymore?! :( :(
________________________________________________________
Now Playing: Etho Varmukilin | Neha Nair

Birthday Wishlist...

7th Day from now.... wow so close!!! :) :) :)


Someone singing me happy bday in a veryyyy buttery voice at 12 in the night :)
Beautiful red roses...
Teddy bear -- badaaaa wala :)...
A pleasant suprise...
Warm Hugs...
Someone to hold my hand out of the blue...
A new Fasttrack watch...
YET another bottle of Davidoff :P...
Jewellery...
A new cam...
Ok since this is MY list and I can dream as much as I want ... Apple Macbook AIR :P
Lots of laughter...NO tears!!! *I hav had really bad last few bdays* :(
A good movie... (n NO I DONT want to see Paa which is releasing the day before!)
A good book...
Clothes!!!!...
A sexy new bag...
Shoes.. :P *I can never have enuf of these :P*
Someone telling me I look very pretty...
Flawless complexion on that day atleast :P
Lots of smiles.. for no reason :)
Watching the sun go down at the beachside and hearing the waves as they come by.. *sighhhh!!*
Chocolate Chip Icecream... :)
A good night kiss that leaves me breathless...



I know none of the things I really really want for my bday will actually come true. I know that my 22nd bday is going to be just another day... just like my 21st bday. My best friends are away or busy, my crush is an idiot :P, and basically it will be over even before I realize it... and as much as I hate the sound of that I cannot do anything about it :(

But what the heck?! :P
Whats life without impossible dreams nai? :)

~ Annie

Rains..

*I wrote this a longgg time back, but i never put it here, cz well, a lot of things i write dont find their way here anyway... it was just one of those things...

anyway, since its raining rain posts all over blogville, here is My Rain Post *

Sights, smells and sounds… those are the things that define memories for me. Memories are the things that I remember with amazing clarity… all it takes is a moment to close my eyes and feel it all over again…

One of my most favorite things in the world is to watch the rains. There was this time when , I used to be the first one out there…drenched to my skin, happy , oblivious to the hardships of life. It was like timeout, u know. Just forget everything. All that matters is the pitter patter of the rain drops… the winds in the background… and the skies the color of molten iron. Somewhere along the way the little girl had to grow up. Now she’s on the other side of the window. Just watching and reminiscing about those days…

Rains.

There’s so much about them that I cant forget….
Memories of carefree childhood.
Memories of first day to school… year after year… of home and being tucked safely under the soft cozy bedcovers… as it poured outside..
Memories of two best friends beginning a ritual of treating each other every time they met (which is like once a year) … that will last forever…
Memories of time with friends discovering the joys of being a college going student…discovering the infinite possibilities of stuff to do when u r free…

And of course…Memories of love.
Memories of being kissed for the very first time… in the light drizzle in the middle of nowhere… a sweet memory of just a peck on the cheek… just as beautiful even after all these years…
Memories of passionate kisses while getting wet in the rain… with someone who disliked the rains as much as I loved them. Feel the odd combination of the cold rain outside and searing heat within…
Memories of being locked up in a small cozy place as it poured outside. Feel the hand slip down the arm, pulling me closer. Can u imagine still feeling the breath tht ruffled your hair even though it happened a lifetime ago?
Memories of crashing waves and rushing winds as we strolled down the bandstand… then seaface…
Memories of the college quad… silent… and the basketball and us…
Memories of dreams coming true… in the world where they still existed.

People moved on. Hearts got broken. Life changes and so do the people who held a special place once upon a time. We all move on. We all have to forget things. Vacuum out the dust to make way for sometime new. Some people are not meant to be together. And some are supposed to be there even though they think they ought to go away. Everything changes. Some of the people who are there as a part of all these memories don’t even exist in my life anymore. Atleast not in the real sense. But they will continue to be there as long as I have these memories.

And even though some hurt me bad… the memories don’t hurt anymore. They are just there… thinking about them is like watching a movie that u have seen before. You know what’s gonna happen and u know that no matter how hard you cry, you cant change the end. Its sort of like that. There will come a time when everything will be worth it and when that day comes, the memories will make u realize that… Sometimes the worst things that happen to you… are actually the best ones… think about it...

Annie.
P.S: The pic is courtesy Arnab, one of my nicest blogger friends. :) And also my Bengali Teacher. So far all I hav learnt is "Kaemon acho?" :P :D

P.P.S: And thanks to Prince Ali too, who told me a long time back that I ought to put this on the blog. :)

Baby when did your hands grow so cold?

CAUTION: Reader Discretion Advised. Graphic words used.

Remember the first time I saw u while you played in the rain?

Remember the first time I laughed at you when you said something funny?

Remember the first time I smiled at you while in your arms?

Look at me and tell me do u see that girl anymore?

The first time you hit me I was blind,

I didn't see that it was the beginning of something that will never end,

Wore dark sunglasses and put on makeup to hide the bruises,

So people wouldn't see what you had done to me..

The first time you called me a bitch in front of my friends,

I laughed and looked away making it seem like a joke

Did you know I cried myself to sleep that night?

Wondering what I had done wrong? Y was I so imperfect?

The first time you gave me a fractured arm,
I was too numb... too blank.. to think straight,
All my friends told me to get away from you..
And all I could think how i could make up for my mistakes?

The first time you raped me I was scared,

That if I cried you wouldn't want me anymore,

Do u know I spent hours in the cold cold shower?

Washing away filth that wouldn't go away..

I dont know who stares at me in d mirror anymore
I dont know where did that bubbly smiling girl go
I dont know where the guy she feel in love with disappear
Baby when did your hands grow so cold?

A broken spirit...and a crushed pair of wings

Befouled violated body..and a numb mind..

You took and twisted me into someone I don't know

Baby when did your hands grow so cold?

-Annie.
P.S: This is a topic very close to me. I have often wondered what makes a woman stay in a abusive relationship... What is that makes her forget that she deserves better? ...Can love really be that blind?

Passing Thoughts...

It is SO worth it making someone smile. :) (smiles foolishly)

Gods been playing artistic dude for 3 days in a row.. Yesterday he went all pastel.. The evening was so bright... Orange and fiery. It was so beautiful it made me stop being panicky as I was (Isha will vouch for that!) and I decided to admire the sun go down with a silent wow. (Karan will vouch for that!) :)

And today He decided to play with water colors. First he went into sepia mode.. making everything look so beautiful I cant even find the right words.. and then it rained!!!!!!!! YAY!!!! as expected I went mad... went and played 'saakhli' with the kids. (don't ask me what that is if you don't know. :P I'll be too embarrassed to say. :D) Taught the youngest ones to make paper boats.. and jumped in the dirty puddles with the older ones. Annie plays while Mom is away. :)

Saw a cute couple walking hand in hand, oblivious to the world.. Getting wet in the rain. Watched them with a faraway smile. Missed someone. The rains tug at the heartstrings that ache the most.

"Jo tum ho toh yeh lagta hai ki mil gayi har khushi,
Jo tum na ho toh yeh lagta hai ki har khushi mein hai kami......

Tum ko hai maangti.. yeh zindagi..."

- Annie.
P.S: Its Raininggggg!!!!!! :)

Everything Changes

There was a chill in the air that evening. She pulled her overcoat a little closer to her, hugging herself, that cold autumn day. She needed to keep herself for breaking apart... Atleast not in front of him. Her throat ached and her eyes stung. She hadn’t slept a wink in the night and she felt like she would cry any moment.

The lump in her throat turned more painful when she saw him. He stood at the other end of the empty basketball court. Her breath seemed to catch as she saw him. They walked slowly towards each other… A walk that seemed to take forever when all it took for a few ticking seconds. As she started taking the steps she could feel herself changing. Her happy, funny and perpetually laughing mask seemed to be out of the closet. She pushed away the thoughts and the sleepless night and smiled a bright smile.

"Heyya Sweetypie"

He looked at her with eyes filled with a sea of emotions she couldn’t fathom. He looked at her with a desperation she didn’t want to thaw at the cold that settled around her heart. She wouldn’t ever let him see how much she ached on the inside.

"Are u ok?"

No I am anything but ok. She took d basketball and started to dribble away from him. Refusing to meet his eyes. "Yes of course I am you dummy!!! Why do u ask?"

He appeared in front of her out of nowhere, taking advantage of her being so tiny, blocking off her escape. He took d basketball with no difficulty and put it out of her reach, like the way one would do with a child.

"Heyyy..." She frowned. She cussed. He smiled and that nearly drove her crazy.

"Will u talk to me?" He said turning serious again.

She sighed. Resigned and defeated. They turned and walked to d edge of the court. Sitting down on d steps near d court, he began, "Are u upset with me?"

Yes I am. "Of course I m not… What makes you say that?" she said.

He said in a rush, "You wouldn’t pick up my calls... You wouldn’t reply to my messages.. Where have you been?". His eyes seem to burn down to the depths of her soul, willing her to say the truth.

I was hurting... U hurt me. "I was busy"

"So busy, you couldn’t reply back?"

Do I even exist for you? Can you even see how much I love u? "Areee baba... I was tied up all day. I m here now am I not??"

"You aren’t upset about me being with her are u?" He asked with a worried face.

Yes. I m so upset I can feel my heart break. "Nooo... Why would I be? You are happy. And that makes me happy. You crazy idiot!!"

"I love her a lot. She makes me so happy I can’t imagine being with anyone but her. She makes me feel things I didn’t know I could feel again"

A headache seemed to be building up.. tapping away annoyingly at d inside of her temple. Why was she even here? She should have listened to her best friend. She should at home, in her bed, shut away from d world... she should be alone. She felt something die inside her at his every syllable. She just smiled.

He looked away. Smiling foolishly. She wondered what he thought about? What would she be doing right this moment. What will she say when he proposed to her that night. What would she wear? How she would look in d flowing gossamer veil of white at their wedding? Something that felt horribly like tears prickled at the inside of her eyes. His joy seemed to vibrate out of him… touching everything around him. It made her feel like someone had driven a knife all the way down to the deepest corner of her heart.

Everything screamed at her to tell him about what she was feeling.

I love you so much it makes me crazy to think about you with another woman. I have loved you ever since I saw you first day at college. U had looked so wonderful in your white shirt and blue jeans it had made me go crazy. All these years I was your best friend when every single day I wanted to be more. I wanted to be the woman you imagined spending your entire life with.

It took her super human strength to speak.

“I am happy for you Sweetypie.... You deserve the best. She is very lucky she got you, you know.”

He looked at her then, smiling widely, the crow feet at the corner of his eyes. She wanted to look at anywhere but his face.. and yet she couldn’t stop from falling into love. All over again. With those eyes and that foolish smile. No matter what her mind screamed, she couldn’t look away. He came closer, drawing her in a hug. Kissing d top of her head. She allowed herself a few moments more to dream. She inhaled his scent.. of soap, shampoo, cologne and him. She held him tight because she knew maybe this was the last time she was holding him that way. She squeezed her eyes shut, ordering the tears to hold themselves.. just a few moments more.

She mumbled “I love u.. I love u more than she does.”

He laughed. The rich sound echoing in the empty quad. He ruffled her hair and said “Of course you do. I know you do jaan. You'll always be my number one. You know tat, right!!”

They broke apart and he held her still, smiling at her. She smiled at wooden smile, willing herself to get up and leave.

Please make me stay. Please Please hold me once more. “I need to go. Ill seeya later ok?”

He got up too, snatching the ball and putting in a layup. He said “Ok. Ill call u about what happens tonight. Though I know what the answer will be. You get to be my best man ok??!! Hahahaha..”

She could no longer smile.. starting to walk away from him.. the basketball.. college.. He called out, “Oye.. say Bye atleast!! ”

She waved without looking back. Every step she took seemed to put more distance between them than anything else.

As she reached the edge of the court, he called out again, “Nothing changes.. I love u too ok?”

She stopped in her steps and this time she could stop the tears that came. She nodded and waved again. He couldn’t see because he was already on the phone.

She started to walk again. Putting her hands in her pockets, as the breeze started to pick up. As the day started to get colder.

She whispered, “Everything changes.”

P.S: DO NOT DERIVE ANY CONCLUSIONS OUT OF THIS.

Submission Week Makes Evryone go MAD!!!

I started to write a post abt this.. bt no matter wht i cudnt convey jus as much as i wanted to.. so I hav put jus a few of d MANY MANY pics we have taken this last submission of our lives..

"I m really gonna miss these days

I am gonna miss my college days

Yaad hai woh saare lectures, humne jo bunk kiye the

Proxy ka pakda jaana, Lafde kya kam kiye the

Aur Baahar aakar woh kehna, "Saala kya Bekaar paper set kiya tha yaar"

Milta 1st class kabhi yahaan, toh lagti thi KT kabhiiiii

Laut kar ab naa aayenge woh mastibhare din kabhi

hoh dil yeh apna kahe ki aye dostonnnnn

I m really gonna miss these days

I am gonna miss my college days"

Everyone diligently COPYING!!! hehehe!!!

Nik d idiot!!! last minute copying!!! wid music ofc.. music is an engineers best frnd!!! :)

"Aeee...Tujhe ID kuthe aahe??!! "

("where is ur ID".. d everyday greeting from d watchman we will miss!!! :(("

My sweetest lil dimpled angel.. wid a makeshift crown. Hehehe :)

"All d 4 years we wondered wht d inside of this cabin feels like!!! Look at Varu wid d cap n me wid d 'aila' expression n d sticks!!! Shilpa actually looks ready to kill someone!!! Hehehe"

"Always wanted to get a pic there... Yaaayyyy!!! finally got it!! hehehe!!"


Look at wht we found in Gul's Bag!!! Ooooo !!! that grl in d pic looks desperate!!! Hehehe!!!(Check out d height difference.. No more 6 footers for me plzz!!! hehehe!!!)


Best Friends Forever!!! (CMU or Gatech.. No place will ever be too far!! MWAHHH!!!)


"Lalalalalal!!!!! Finally DONE wid d submissionssss!!! Yaaayyyyyyy!!!"

Mr. Microsoft wid d Ms.Wipro, Ms. Accenture, Ms. Citius, Ms. CMU/Gatech & Ms. SUNY... !!! Missed Mr. Google on this one who was talkin d pic!! :P Dont look too closely!!! U'll see phelgm!!! hahahah!!! (eyes luk nice in dis one!!)

Shot Gang at what they do best... SHOT DIYAA!!! (Non Engineers : 'Shot' is the most often used word in our dictionary.. which basically means bugging someone in d worst possible way. hehe!!)

Zai at what she does best... DHAPPING files... LOLZ!!!

D Files that made our life so miserable and fun at d same time!!! Ill miss u and NOT miss u to!!! Hehehe!!!

Peek A Booo!!!! :)

"I NEVER noticed all these CPU'sin my 4years!!! lolz.!!!"

Gullo rani.. kaho toh deepak ko bula duuu... :) (I jus wannnaaa sllleeeepppp!!!!)

"Aek toh main phoolein jaise naasukk... aur itne saare submissions... sheee thoooo" (poulami fans!! hehe REFER : Roadies Hell down Under.. if u dnt knw who poulami is!!!)

Finally Done!!! already gone zzzzzzzzzz.....

P.S : And THEN came the Farewell Party...

I wont put any pics.. but a LONG post on wht happened!!

P.S : Do see my lovely description on Karan's Blog.. Mwahh!!! (thanks for d 9/10 hehehe) :)

Crimson Tears

Standing all alone… in the middle of nowhere…

No one who cares… breathing fake air…

She feels so distant, ripped from existence…

Got so transparent… lost all substance…

Her shattered heart pounds against her breast…

The pieces cutting holes in her chest…

Slowly she fades… as quickly she drowns…

In the crimson tears that run down her arm…

She wants to scream. She wants to shout…

A prisoner in her skin… wants to let it all out…

But she doesn’t make a sound… keeps it all inside…

Wants to breakaway… but instead she hides…

Alone in her room… quietly sobbing in her shell..

This is her fucked up life… her own private hell…

She’s lost everything that she’s ever had,

Crimson tears seep through her skin because it hurts so bad…

She’ll tilting on the edge, about to fall off…

Her soul so lacerated but mind is so soft…

Is that the smell of red again as it starts to run?

She stares at the crimson tears and wonders…

...What has she done?...

P.S: Don't freak out!!! Wrote this a LONG time back. Around a year back. Just thought of putting it up here.

P.S.S: I m NOT a cutter. Not anymore. Definitely don't encourage it. For all those who lead a secret life as this one, go seek help soon. Because you may not realize it right this moment, but life is way too beautiful. :)

Added Later: 

Not connected to the post... But something that I believe in.... have faith! everything works out in the end! :)

When you come to the edge of the light that you know,
and you are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown,
faith is knowing that one of two things will happen--
there will be something to land on…
or you will learn how to fly.

Scribbles...

(jus some random scribbles.. shouldnt be taken as a poem.. jus thoughts..)

its difficult to breathe.. as invisible hands suffocate me
its difficult to sleep.. as the demons scare me
its difficult to forget everything... because i love him

i pretend to be allrite...when i am not
i smile ... when all i want to is break down and cry
i kiss you tender...when all i want is to scream
i sit still ... when all i want is to run away ... away

The worlds a bitch
whos got something against me
theres a road i am walking on
which noone else can see
am i walking away from something?or am i walking towards something?
i dont know
i dont know

what have i lost along the way?
what are the things i couldnt hold onto?
the mirror lies to me.. it screams calm
when theres a storm that rages inside me
that noone can see

i try to catch the raindrops
like i tried to gather people in life
like sand slipping from between outstreched fingers...everyone eluded me
till i was so alone
till all that was left was a broken me

night after night i lie in my empty bed,
looking at the shadows play across the ceiling,
No i wont cry, n i wont break.
No i wont cry..

i wont let the world see,
what they have taken away from me...

P.S: wrote a long time ago. since i m not that sad anymore, cudnt fix it up to mak it look like a proper poem. lolz. hope ill be writing nice stuff soon.. :)

I Wont Love You Any Less...

Its been 2 week since i hav seen u last

Its been a while since u held me in ur arms

Its been jus 2 weeks since u last smiled at me

But it feels lik an eternity, love...

I didnt know it wud be so easy for you to let me go

So easy to slam down the phone and ignore all calls

I didnt know i meant so little to u...so insignificant

when all this while, u said words that said somethng else...

Moving on, u hav left me shattered.. and confused and lost..

So devoid of strength to pick up the scattered myraid peices..

I feel the gaze of a million mocking eyes, saying "wht was she thinking?!"

Ripping to shreds everythng i had worked so hard to build..

I miss the person who had swept me away years ago,

The one who stood waiting for me a whole night,

The one who sang sweet songs to be to ease my troubles

And the one who stayed awake.. jus to watch me sleep..

I saw u the other day with ur friends,

U were smiling and joking abt somethng i dunt know..

Did u knw, tht the breath swooshed out of my lungs,

Leaving an impossible pain in its wake..

To see u so calm and composed, No hint of sadness in ur eyes..

U seemed lik u had moved on already, erased me lik somethng wrong,

I made my way slowly back home tht day, my legs felt leaden

Thinking hard abt where life was taking me.. where was i goin?

I had no answers abt all the "Why's" in my head,

I had no insight on which way to take, or who to talk to,

But something stuck me hard, as i re-read all ur letters,

And cradled all the toys that sat alone inside my cupboard...

I knew ill never be able to forget u so easy,

I knew ill always miss u... no matter hw many miles seperate us,

And i know so true, that I wont love u any less than now..

simply cz ur, n will always be, the best thing that ever happened to me..

~~~~~~~~~~

P.S: Thanks for everything Bubu.

Euphoria..

The lights were blinding, as he walked onto stage. The morphine hit he just had, wasn’t enough to make him truly high, but it was enough to make him feel like he was treading air. He heard the cheer of the crowd… the clap.… the chanting and the whistles. It all sounded like it was coming from a badly tuned radio.

Just another night. Just another performance. The song was the one he had sung in every other college fest. And the crowd always cheered. Some girl was always there, falling over herself, begging to be taken home when the night ended. Some punk with the shifty eyes, was always there to get him his shots. He walked up to the old fashioned mike, ready to sing the song he knew that everyone will sing along to, because everyone knew it by heart.

He looked at his band. The familiar faces. His oldest friend, since 2nd grade, Mads. His anchor for these last years, Lavanya. His college buddies Shaurya and Ryan. They were always together, there was always an easy camaraderie. No one knew how empty he really was.

He heard Anya give out the call. “And.. 5, 6, 7, 8.” He took a deep breath, much like the one a diver took before he plunged. Everytime he got on stage he felt like he had a timeout. A time away from his own private hell. His own demons. He looked at the people who cheered them on, his lips lifting in a half smile.

And then he saw her.

And everything he had tried so hard to forget all these last few years, came crashing back as of it had never disappeared in the first place at all.

He tried hard to push the memories that were coming back. Everything seemed to be suddenly moving in slow motion. Like a radio tuned out, the voices drowned into nothingness as other voices took over. The ones inside his head.

It felt like ages when it hadn’t even been seconds. He heard Anya give the call again, this time a note of urgency in her husky voice. He closed his eyes and willed the song inside him to come. Willed the illusion he had just seen to clear out before he fell in the dark abyss of the memories again.

Teri ya meri ya pull gaya…

Pull gaya haar te jeet…

Aei mae ki karna mein jeet nu…

Hove naje meet…

Hove naje meet…”

It was perfect. The crowd cheered an octave higher. As always. Everyone loved the song. But never had he actually felt it… the meaning of the words he had sang a million times. This time the words couldn’t have seemed more ironic. He had everything in the world. Except for her. Except for his meet.

Bindiya lagati toh… kaapti thi palken Maeri…

In a flash he was years back in time. He saw her eyes, as clear as yesterday. Bottomless brown pools, kind and trusting. That unique shade of brown that held his heart captive like nothing else ever had.. nothing else ever will.. Had it really been that long? Those beautiful eyes on that innocent heart-shaped face, betraying all emotion she ever felt?

Chunniya sajake woh deti vaadein kalke Maeri...

Her smile… that had lit up the cold lonely days of his life. Making him whole. Her smile had crept slowly into his heart, unnoticed, and had worked its magic, slowly thawing away at the cold ice around his heart. 

Mere haaton mein tha uska haath… thi chaashni si har uski baat…

Her words, a lovers caress, gentle. Simple. Pure. Somedays when she would cradle his head, and gently stroke his hair while he hummed a tune. He spent every waking moment of his life now, yearning, to hear that voice just once. One more time.

Maeri aap hi hasdi …Maeri aap hi rondi

Maeri yaad woh yaad woh aaeri

Gallaon kardi …maeri ankhan naal lad di…

maeri yaad woh yaad woh aaeri.. 

heyy Maeri

Baarishon mein lipat ke maa… ati thi woh chalke… Maeri…

Another flash. The picture seemed so clear and bright…like it was just yesterday. Everything looked perfect, that day on the terrace, on that late afternoon in July. The rain, the way her white salwar kameez had clung to her body. The dark curls of her hair dripping tiny drops of water. The odd feeling of cold rain against his back, and something searing hot inside him as they had kissed for the very first time. A moment now.. but it was enough to make him feel like someone had put a knife right through the part of his heart where it hurt the most.

Deeriyan ho jaye to roti halke halke… Maeri…

The tears that had silently rolled down her eyes the last time they had met. Inspite of the piercing sadness.. she had looked so beautiful, it had taken his breath away..

Phir se mein royu phir woh gaye… thandi havayein banke chaye…

His eyes still remained closed. Making everything he heard sound clearer, better. More profound. He heard her laughter now. And felt his heart clench one more time.

Maeri heeran o gaan di… Maeri geede o paundi… Maeri yaad woh yaad woh aaeri...

Jannata langdi maeri mannata mangdi … Maeri yaad woh yaad woh aaeri…
Ab kya karun kahan se kahun aa Maeri… ab kya karun kahaaan se kahunn aa Maeri…

He didn’t open his eyes, while someone played the haunting strings now. The invisible hand seemed to have found the lifeless heart after all. The pain seemed to build up, each moment a little stronger than the last.

Duniya parayi chod ke aaja …Jhoothe sare naate tod ke aaja…

The betrayed.. wounded look in her eyes. As he had walked away with strong purposeful strides. Never once looking back. She had left everything for him without a care in the world, and he had walked away just like that. So simply. So crudely. Never offered any reason. Never turned back to see if she would survive it. Would she listen now?

Sau rabdi tujhe ek vari aajaa.. Ab ke mile to honge na juda..

That unique feeling of being in her arms. Never again had he felt so warm and so secure. So shielded..so protected. The way he felt like braving any shit that the world threw at him, just because he knew she was there. Always.

Na juda na juda aaa oooo … Ho hun te o aaye koi kidde aaye

maeri yaad woh yaad woh aaeri

gallan o kardi … maeri akhan naal lad di…

maeri yaad woh yaad woh aaeri…”

Bhul gayi mera pyar…mae bas lage mahine chaar

maeri yaad woh yaad woh aaeri yaad woh aayimaeri yaad woh aayi

maeri yaad woh yaad woh aaeri

The pain in his chest was excruciating enough to kill. He could not take it anymore. Maybe death was the easy way out too. It felt like some forbidden old box was opened that was meant to be shut forever. And he couldn’t handle the way life was mocking him right now.

Ab kya karun kahan se kahun aa Maeri

Ab kya karun kahan se kahunn aa Maeri

The memories were drowning him and like the victim of the brute seas.. he felt helpless. Flailing his arms , struggling to keep up his balance, to maintain his senses. All the time realising it was no use, because no matter how much he struggled… he will never be able to forget the beautiful face that haunted every moment of his life.

The crowd was cheering at the highest pitch possible. The radio, tuned off, suddenly seemed to clear away. Making the crowd’s cheering seem loud and harsh. The crowd called for encore. Everything had gone good. No one knew what had transpired inside his mind. No one saw what he had seen inside his mind. All was well.

He opened his eyes.

And she was not there anymore.

He didn’t know whether it was blind relief that washed over him or cold loneliness as he turned slowly and walked off stage. Back to what he was every night.

Lost. Confused. Lonely.

.

..

...

A nobody.

~

P.S : In one of my late night song listening session. ‘Maeri’ has always been a song close to my heart. And the story…. :)

BaBy i M So HigH ToniTe...

I am all alone…falling free...
Trying my best to remember …
What happened to me…what happened to us
What happened to my sweet little world,
As I watched it all slip out of my fingers.

The tears have left black mascara streaks
The passerby’s stare
At the poor girl in despair
See, how fucked up her life is
Wonder who’s she sleeping with now?

Baby would you rock me to sleep tonight?
Baby would you tuck me in the sheets?
Would you watch me till I fall asleep…
Coz, baby I m so high tonight…

The needle pricks my skin, as the crimson droplets fall
The picture starts to blur
The colors become bright
The blue and the red
I can feel the high baby…please hold me tight
.

Last time I waited and waited
For just a call.. Just a phone call
I cried a thousand tears for you
Hoping you would come and take me home

You never came baby… did u know I almost died that time?
.

Baby would you rock me to sleep tonight?
Baby would you tuck me in the sheets?
Would you watch me till I fall asleep…
Coz, baby I m so high tonight…

Couldn’t bear to go through the pain this time baby
Couldn’t bear to hear the shrill noise
Of my dreams and hopes shattering.. In myriad pieces
This place I have been before baby
I don’t wanna go there again

So here I m sniffing cocaine instead
  And getting high on the LSD in my veins
Trying to get rid of the motherfucking demons
So that I can concentrate
Concentrate… So I can forget

Baby would you rock me to sleep tonight?
Baby would you tuck me in the sheets?
Would you watch me till I fall asleep…
Coz, baby I m so high tonight…
.

Is it really the time to say goodbye?
Is it really that time to go separate ways?
I don’t blame you darling… but was I really that bad?
That you let me go?

The tears in my eyes… aren’t really for you
Its for someone inside me…who died today
Her last flailing breath… wrenched out of her
With your cruel words… she died
  And I mourn her death

So please baby… just for today…

Baby would you rock me to sleep tonight?
Baby would you tuck me in the sheets?
Would you watch me till I fall asleep…
Coz, baby I m so lonely tonight…

~Annie.

P.S: Feeling the lonliest I have ever felt .... :(