Lies

A dance of the vowels and consonants,
Perfectly placed, just the right amount of mush,
Articulated so well, a bitter disguise,
My inbox is full of your lies.


Faking sincerities, it’s all a facade,
Words in a twelve point Arial,
Signed with the sickly sweet "XOXO"
Hugs and Kisses so out of place.


Spell-checked and every dot perfect,
Seduction with grammar, cheap and dishonest,
Each time I read your letters,
My mind reverberates with the sound of your lies.


You think you have it all going your way,
But honey this time, you couldn’t be more wrong
It’s a wrong girl you picked to mess with this time,
And it’s now payback time for all those lies.


Forward, Honey, I forward,
Everything to the woman who wears your ring,
Enough of your deception now let me watch,
As your punctuated lies destroy your everything.




~Annie.



P.S: Next time you decide to patao someone online, remember there could be a potential disadvantage.. Electronic content cant ever be erased, it persists for ever... and also of course, you could be dealing with a crazed vindictive woman like me :D *evil laugh*

In the dead of the night...

Look. Hear. Think. Feel. Touch.
Laugh. Smile. Breathe. Dream.
Cry. Give Up. Let Go.
Hold On Tight.
Forgive. Remember. Cherish. Learn.
Make Peace.
Love. And Love Again.

"Just me and my baby"

(written from guys point of view. :))

I used to be d star,
Bang in d middle of the crowd that used to applaud,
Making merry and cracking jokes
Hiding behind a wall that no one could break down.

Going home lonely
The guys have left with their girls
And there's no one who gives me company
Its just me. Only me.

N there she is... waiting for me
Always ready for me, silent. so silent.
She sings her song as I fire her up,
N my heart sings along.

She knows all about d dreams I saw
And about d girl who broke them apart
She knows about d times I cried and let it all out
She knows me. So well. Inside out.

She takes me away, letting me ride,
Takes me places faraway, places unknown
N I don't have to hide anymore when I'm with her
N no one judges me .. No one stares anymore.

She calls me again tonight
Into the beautiful darkness
The moon hangs low like a peep hole to another world
And the highway seems like the right way to go. Away. Faraway.

The rhymes don't make any sense
N d world fights low and dirty
U guys, I m going away for a while
Just me and my baby. For a while.

I don't care where I m going, it aint home
I don't know when Ill be back my friends
so miss me while i m gone..
There's a ride I need to get on. 
Its Personal.


Its just me n my baby tonight.

P.S: Dedicated to a special someone who loves his bike. Obsessively. :)
P.P.S : If you are a biker, tell me in one sentence what is your relationship with your bike. I'm taking a survey. :)

Everything Changes

There was a chill in the air that evening. She pulled her overcoat a little closer to her, hugging herself, that cold autumn day. She needed to keep herself for breaking apart... Atleast not in front of him. Her throat ached and her eyes stung. She hadn’t slept a wink in the night and she felt like she would cry any moment.

The lump in her throat turned more painful when she saw him. He stood at the other end of the empty basketball court. Her breath seemed to catch as she saw him. They walked slowly towards each other… A walk that seemed to take forever when all it took for a few ticking seconds. As she started taking the steps she could feel herself changing. Her happy, funny and perpetually laughing mask seemed to be out of the closet. She pushed away the thoughts and the sleepless night and smiled a bright smile.

"Heyya Sweetypie"

He looked at her with eyes filled with a sea of emotions she couldn’t fathom. He looked at her with a desperation she didn’t want to thaw at the cold that settled around her heart. She wouldn’t ever let him see how much she ached on the inside.

"Are u ok?"

No I am anything but ok. She took d basketball and started to dribble away from him. Refusing to meet his eyes. "Yes of course I am you dummy!!! Why do u ask?"

He appeared in front of her out of nowhere, taking advantage of her being so tiny, blocking off her escape. He took d basketball with no difficulty and put it out of her reach, like the way one would do with a child.

"Heyyy..." She frowned. She cussed. He smiled and that nearly drove her crazy.

"Will u talk to me?" He said turning serious again.

She sighed. Resigned and defeated. They turned and walked to d edge of the court. Sitting down on d steps near d court, he began, "Are u upset with me?"

Yes I am. "Of course I m not… What makes you say that?" she said.

He said in a rush, "You wouldn’t pick up my calls... You wouldn’t reply to my messages.. Where have you been?". His eyes seem to burn down to the depths of her soul, willing her to say the truth.

I was hurting... U hurt me. "I was busy"

"So busy, you couldn’t reply back?"

Do I even exist for you? Can you even see how much I love u? "Areee baba... I was tied up all day. I m here now am I not??"

"You aren’t upset about me being with her are u?" He asked with a worried face.

Yes. I m so upset I can feel my heart break. "Nooo... Why would I be? You are happy. And that makes me happy. You crazy idiot!!"

"I love her a lot. She makes me so happy I can’t imagine being with anyone but her. She makes me feel things I didn’t know I could feel again"

A headache seemed to be building up.. tapping away annoyingly at d inside of her temple. Why was she even here? She should have listened to her best friend. She should at home, in her bed, shut away from d world... she should be alone. She felt something die inside her at his every syllable. She just smiled.

He looked away. Smiling foolishly. She wondered what he thought about? What would she be doing right this moment. What will she say when he proposed to her that night. What would she wear? How she would look in d flowing gossamer veil of white at their wedding? Something that felt horribly like tears prickled at the inside of her eyes. His joy seemed to vibrate out of him… touching everything around him. It made her feel like someone had driven a knife all the way down to the deepest corner of her heart.

Everything screamed at her to tell him about what she was feeling.

I love you so much it makes me crazy to think about you with another woman. I have loved you ever since I saw you first day at college. U had looked so wonderful in your white shirt and blue jeans it had made me go crazy. All these years I was your best friend when every single day I wanted to be more. I wanted to be the woman you imagined spending your entire life with.

It took her super human strength to speak.

“I am happy for you Sweetypie.... You deserve the best. She is very lucky she got you, you know.”

He looked at her then, smiling widely, the crow feet at the corner of his eyes. She wanted to look at anywhere but his face.. and yet she couldn’t stop from falling into love. All over again. With those eyes and that foolish smile. No matter what her mind screamed, she couldn’t look away. He came closer, drawing her in a hug. Kissing d top of her head. She allowed herself a few moments more to dream. She inhaled his scent.. of soap, shampoo, cologne and him. She held him tight because she knew maybe this was the last time she was holding him that way. She squeezed her eyes shut, ordering the tears to hold themselves.. just a few moments more.

She mumbled “I love u.. I love u more than she does.”

He laughed. The rich sound echoing in the empty quad. He ruffled her hair and said “Of course you do. I know you do jaan. You'll always be my number one. You know tat, right!!”

They broke apart and he held her still, smiling at her. She smiled at wooden smile, willing herself to get up and leave.

Please make me stay. Please Please hold me once more. “I need to go. Ill seeya later ok?”

He got up too, snatching the ball and putting in a layup. He said “Ok. Ill call u about what happens tonight. Though I know what the answer will be. You get to be my best man ok??!! Hahahaha..”

She could no longer smile.. starting to walk away from him.. the basketball.. college.. He called out, “Oye.. say Bye atleast!! ”

She waved without looking back. Every step she took seemed to put more distance between them than anything else.

As she reached the edge of the court, he called out again, “Nothing changes.. I love u too ok?”

She stopped in her steps and this time she could stop the tears that came. She nodded and waved again. He couldn’t see because he was already on the phone.

She started to walk again. Putting her hands in her pockets, as the breeze started to pick up. As the day started to get colder.

She whispered, “Everything changes.”

P.S: DO NOT DERIVE ANY CONCLUSIONS OUT OF THIS.

TRAIN - Part 5

Next morning I awoke, even before he came to wake me up. Some shrill sound had broken in my sleep, like I was discovering groggy eyed as I sat up, had broken in everyone’s sleep. Mr. Obnoxious alarm was crazy. Loud and crazy. I immediately looked over to his berth, and there he was awake like me, looking straight at me, I was suddenly very conscious of how I looked. He smiled , and said “Morning. Some alarm huh? ” I laughed and said “No one can sleep through that...”, starting to get down from my bunk.

We were up and ready in half hour, and we walked out near the door. He was about to leave in a matter of minutes, and I still hadn’t figured a way to stay in contact. Damn me. Then suddenly it stuck me - what the hell was the use of email if not here? As the train pulled into the station, I began “Listen if -”

He turned, and took a step back instead of going forward. There was a line of people waiting to get down, and he let them pass. The narrow passage was crowded of people, and the next thing I knew, was that I was standing close enough to see every fleck of gold in those brown eyes. It nearly damned brought my heart to a screeching halt. He looked very shy, as he said “I can get down at Hyderabad too.”

I gave him a broad smile. This was going to be easy. If these weren’t the signs then I didn’t know what else were.

We went in again, to get my suitcase. There were less than 5 people in the entire coach. We were standing near the door again when he said anxiously “Listen, don’t get me wrong, but when you are staying here, if you need anything, info or anything about places to visit, you could call me.”

“I don’t have your number” I said smilingly. I tore the last page of my diary and divided it in half. On one part I wrote my email id on it and gave it to him. He wrote his number on the other part and gave me. I could actually feel the floating sensation in my tummy. In that moment I decided to stay in contact. Always. There were a lot of maybe’s in my head. Maybe this would happen. Maybe that will. Maybe...

The train came to a grounding halt at the station. We both got down. Looking at each other, I couldn’t believe that this was someone I had met only a few hours back. He smiled and said “I had a lot of fun talking to you. It was very nice to meet you , you know. ” I shook hands with him and replied “Same here. Stay in touch, ok? I’ll call if I need anything ok?” he nodded, and pointing to the direction over his back he said “I go this way ok? Where u headed to?” “My Bhaiya‘s driver must be waiting outside.” I looked around for an exit sign and said “I go this way.” half disappointed that I had to go the opposite way, and half happy because I had his number, I smiled a little and started to pick up my suitcase.

“Should I drop you till there?” I didn’t know if my Bhaiya was to come to pick me up or not, so I told him No.

As I started to walk away he said “Heyy..”

I turned and looked at him, with a questioning glance “hmm?”

“You talk too much.” we both laughed. He added “Don’t change that about you, ok?”

I smiled and said , “You got it. Bbye.”

“Bye.”

.....


We walked in two opposite directions, that cold March morning that year. And you know wht? I never did call him up. I reached home, had a wonderful stay, checked my email. He had sent me a mail barely 2 hours after we had parted. Like I had asked him on the train, he had even sent some pictures of him with his silver-red fighter plane, and another with him in complete army uniform. He looked, if possible, even more gorgeous than I remembered from just a few hours back. I sent a thank you and reached safely sort of email to him.

But along with the mail, was a mail from my ex, begging me to forgive him, and take him back. Which I did. It ended soon afterward anyway, but at that time, he was a very important part of my life. So amidst all this, I didn’t reply to any of the further mails that he sent to me. Which were quite a few. After some weeks, the mails stopped. And after some months, he was forgotten.

Till now, when I started to write this down. I took out my old diaries and reading the entries of a 17 year old girl in them, made all the memories come flooding back. One of my friends, when I told her about this incident before I started to write it here, asked me, why didn’t u guys stay in touch? Maybe it could have lead somewhere.

To which I replied, if it would have happened, I would have discovered something not so perfect about him. Something I wanted to change or didn’t like. Something that wouldn’t be right. But because I didn’t know him further, he is perfect. Just as he met me that day in the train, because that memory of him wont change ever. Hes probably happy someplace now, with a wife and kids, and I m just a 21 year old, with changed views and changed ideals. Life is good. And because I never stayed in touch, he remains as one of my fondest memory...


Maybe we parting ways the way we did, on the platform that morning, was the best ending there could have been for our story. :)

TRAIN - Part 4

“My name is Rohit. I stay in Secunderabad. Are you from Mumbai?” *tht name is real. I didn’t make that up*

“Ya, I m from Mumbai. And my name is Anita.” *ya back then, I gave out my real name on chat too.. But this guy seemed so polite, that the fact that he might be a crook, didn’t even cross my mind*

“So, how old are you?” he asked, quieting closing his book, as if settling for a long chat.. *I already had eyes the shape of hearts… he had the most buttery voice.*

“I m 17. In junior college. Studying science. Computers”

He took a double take. “Wow, you are 17, you don’t look 17. And science huh? Cool.”

“So what about you? Do you stay in Secunderabad? What do you do?” I rested my head on my hands, with elbows propped up, as I looked at him.

It was my turn to have a double take now. 
“Ya, I stay here. I m 23. And I'm in the IAF, fighter pilot.” He smiled.

Yes. I was as surprised as you are. And he was not bluffing. Just read on and you will know why. I was immediately like “Oh WOW.. That is SO cool.” I scrambled up and sat cross legged on my seat.

“Just returning from training in Lonavala. ” Since it was not possible for him to sit up in his seat, because it was the last berth, he just straightened a little bit.. *ahh, those shoulders… WOW*

“OMG. Tht is like the coolest thing you can do with your life. Become a fighter pilot. Are you guys like the one in Top gun? Can you tell me about G‘s n all?” I was rambling. But I was so freaking awestruck. Now that explained his army sort of clothes and aviator glares. I thought it was like the latest fad or something.

He laughed and said, catching on a bit of my excitement, “Hey u know what G‘s are? And yeah it is a little bit like Top Gun, but it’s a lot harder in reality. And btw, tht IS my fav movie. ”

Ultimately at the end of it all, we stayed up till late talking. About anything and everything.

We talked about how he grew up, his family, how he was from Haryana originally. We talked about my school, college, my friends. We talked about our sun signs, what we liked to do most when we are free, which movies, which songs, which books.

He told me about how amazing he felt high up in air and I told him how I very much want to be a writer someday. “Arent you already one? You have been writing ever since I have been on the train”, he said, as we sat talking outside near the door of the train, in the chilling night air.

“Were u observing me?” I asked laughing.

“No.. I was actually - maybe - No. I think you already are a writer.” he finished smiling. He added quietly “I just thought that u have the most beautiful eyes.” right then, I felt the shiest I had ever felt in my entire 17 years of life. Damn, even now as I'm writing this, I cannot remember one single instance that I had felt THAT shy..

“So, where will u be staying in Hyd?” he asked after the moment passed.

“Banjara Hills. That’s all I know. ” I wished I knew more. Somehow I didn’t quite want the meeting to end.

“Wow, that’s posh.” he didn’t say anything further, just looked out at the rushing landscape, cloaked in black.

I stood up and said “It's getting really late now. We better sleep. I have no idea what will I do…” I trailed off.

“Why? What happened?” he stood beside me, looking so tall and handsome, that I almost forgot what I wanted to say next.

“Umm.. I NEVER wake early in the morning, unless mom wakes me up. Who will wake me up tomorrow? ” I frowned. I was seriously worried. I wasn’t just making small talk. “What if you don’t wake up at the last station? Does someone come and wake you up? Where does the train go after the last station? It cant just stop there, huh?”

He laughed again softly, “Man, you talk so much” *I blushed and immediately shut up* “Don’t worry. When I’ll wake up in the morning, I'll wake u up. Ok?”

“Thanks. Good night.” I smiled as I we reached near our seats. We looked at each other and smiled. *I could almost HEAR the goddamn crackles of electricity. Grrr… wish I had been a little older. Right then I felt like a school girl.*

“Goodnight.” he said as he started to climb to his berth. I climbed up to mine, and settled in. I wasn’t sleepy. From he looks of it nor was he.

He whispered “The guy didn’t give you blanket huh? Here, take mine.”

“Thank you so much.” I said relieved, I wont be freezing to death after all. I took it. It even smelled of him *I swear I was not loony. It smelled like musk.*

I laid awake for a long time. Listening to the train moving. I didn’t want this meeting to end. You know how you are at 17. You start dreaming about things that may happen. In all innocence you forget that sometimes, most of the times, things don’t always go as planned. I wanted to keep in touch, know him further, get close to him. He was like so… perfect. I think I was already half in love with his perfect army man. You know how you felt *girls I mean* when u saw Tom cruise in Top Gun, or Richard Gere in An officer and A Gentleman. I was head over heels in an instant. No man could ever be more perfect. Ahh…The joys of being young and innocent. I feel asleep with thoughts swirling in my head and a smile on my face.

...last post coming soon.... :)

TRAIN - Part 3

As the evening progressed, people around me started having their dinners, some dudes from the train dept, came to hand out blankets and pillows *they forgot to giv me blankets, and gave me 4 pillows instead… the idiots!! * & the AC was making me feel shit cold. And I was still writing in that diary of mine, this time writing about the strange mix of fellow passengers.

In the very last cubicle of the train coach was this group of ladies, who got on at Lonavala, and were sleeping ever since. I wondered if they were drunk or something. How can anyone sleep for THAT long. On the seat next to my cubicle was this loud, obnoxious man, who kept talking n talking n talking… to people who he didn’t even know. Crazy!!! And the seat diagonally left, was the gorgeous guy who kept alternating between reading a book *some book called Dragonfly* and looking across to where I was sitting, curled up, with my diary.

Soon the lights in the hallway started going out… till at around 11, there remained only one light on in the entire coach. Me and the gorgeous guy, were perched up on our respective top berths, reading our respective books. At the same time, there were a lot of sneaking eye glances in each others direction. I was writing *again* and I had the distinct feeling that he was trying to make out what I was writing. The Mr. Obnoxious in the next cubicle, was loudly discussing his ancestral medical history, boring his companion to death. His berth mate had this glazed look in his eyes, that gave an impression of him wanting to jump out of the train the next second, which was making me laugh. I was trying to stifle my laughter, when I threw Mr. Hunk, a laughing glance.. he smiled back at me. We both looked in the direction of Mr. Obnoxious and crashed into a fit of giggles.

Now that the ice seemed broken, he said a soft , gentle “Hi”.
*again remember it was 2003, I was 17, and I was shy* I looked down, fighting to keep the color from rising in my cheeks, and said “Hello”.
“You headed for Hyderabad?” he asked, very politely.
“Yeah… you?”
“well, I m getting off at Begum Peth. I stay at Secunderabad.” He took in my “Ohh ok” expression , understanding that Secunderabad didn’t sound a lot different than Hyderabad, he added “Its one station before Hyd.”
This time my brows cleared and I said “ohh.. Ok.”
“Are you going for the first time?” he smiled *perfect teeth…wow*
“Yes. My Brother and his wife stay there. I m visiting them.” I could almost hear my Mom inside my head yelling - I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK TO STRANGERS....

... To be Continued...

TRAIN - Part 2

My train left from CST at around 12.15. I kept looking out of the window, writing all this stuff in my diary, cussing about dumb ass who had pissed me out of my own city :P , thinking about what my friends would be doing at that very moment… I just kept writing all the way till the outskirts of Mumbai. The AC was turned up, my feet were starting to get cold, and the train was moving so fast, that my pen was tilting whichever way possible. After some amount of writing, I decided to take a little nap.

I woke up just as the train pulled in at Lonavala. *my hair is exceptional in its jus-outta-bed look* People started pouring into the train as if it was a freaking stampede. Suddenly every single seat in the train was occupied, and train hawkers started yelling at the top of their voice “Chai… Bolo Chai…” Some guy was selling the latest issues of Femina, which I promptly bought. I called for the chai wala, and he came over eagerly “Coffee madam?” *do I look lik a coffee gal? I swear I get that ALL the time from tea vendors… I jus don’t LOOK lik a tea gal…* I nodded, scouring in my hand bag for change. I looked up, and found myself staring straight into the shyest eyes I had ever seen.

That lasted for the briefest of a second. The guy in question was this tall, handsome guy with a trekking backpack, quickly comparing my seat number with his own, and finally settling in the seat diagonally opposite mine. I handed my change to the chai wala, almost absently. I tried to look past the chai wala, cuz he was obstructing my view of the most gorgeous guy on the train right that moment. *n forgive me for being graphic, the most gorgeous ass as well… hahaha*

Now since this was like 2003, and since I was 17 years old, I was quite shy *ok NOT actually shy, but for that time, it seemed rude to stare*, so as soon as I opened my diary back again, I got absorbed in my mindless musings once again. I didn’t really forget abt that guy, but there were other things on my mind that seemed more interesting to brood about. And then dekhte dekhte.. It was evening, with the burning orange globe, setting beyond the far away hills. The stars were just starting to peep out from beyond the cotton wool clouds…

... To be continued...

TRAIN - Part 1

I have been lazing around at home for quite some time now. No work to do, no books to learn by rote, no frnds to go out wid. It was one of those days when u just feel like putting on your fav pajamas, wearing your most comfortable pair of socks, and snuggling in bed with either a good book or a good movie *in my case, settle down for a long chat with ur lappy.. hehe*. Alas, my Mom had other plans. She told me, in no uncertain terms, that if I didn’t clean my closet, like I have been promising since like last year, she will personally go thru my stuff *NOOOO- I yelped*, and throw out wht SHE feels like throwing out *WHTTT - gasped*. That pretty much covered everything that I owned. So I scowled *perfect imitation of scowl-woman from CG pracs (college pest-cum-prof)* and dragged my feet outta bed.


So there I sat, on a nice wintry night, going thru my closet, and then I found something that had lain forgotten for quite some time now. My old photo albums. They are really quite interesting, but the one I want to mention here, are these two albums, that covered my trip to Hyderabad 4 years ago *gosh I looked hawwt.. Haha..*. Rather, what those albums really reminded me, was this incident, which is straight out of some fairy tale book. I mean stuff like that didn’t happen to regular people, unless it’s some Bollywood flick.


It was the summer before I started the grueling 12th standard. When I say grueling, I really mean it, cuz KS classes, actually brought me close to a nervous breakdown. Anyway, I was going through a shit-phase in life, having just broken up with someone, grades stank, friends back stabbing, major fight with best friend.. etc etc.. so all in all I was lost and confused where life was headed, I needed a break. NOW.


So my Bhaiya gave a perfect solution. In those days he was staying at Hyd, with Bhabhi n their 1 n a half year old son. He asked me to come over n spend 2 weeks there. Mainly give company to Bhabhi, n in that enjoy a change of scenery in a brand new city. When I asked him, how was I to come thr, wid no one accompanying me, he simply asked to get on the next train and come alone. I was all up for it. Luckily so was mom. *YIPEEE*


So, I had mom pack my suitcase, dumped my important stuff in my hand bag, wore my newest jeans and newest denim jacket, and started for CST. With mom. She saw me off from there, in an eerily empty train to Hyd. I mean it was just me in the entire coach. Mom had asked the train wala agent, to book the aisle seats, the one with only 2 seats. N she booked them both, so that strange people wont be sitting next to me for my 18 hour journey. As the train pulled out of the station, she asked not to buy anything from the sellers in the train, not to talk to strangers and finally NOT *extra emphasis here* to get down on ANY platform. I did all the three things she asked me not to do. And no prizes for guessing what I enjoyed doing the most. That would be having one of the memorable conversations of my life.

... To Be Continued