Jun 19, 2014

Love - Part 2

[Part 1 here.]

Engineering college. The time for epic love. 

Beginning of second year, cupid properly struck me with one of those damned arrows. I met and fell in love (the at first sight kind) with this amazing guy, not from my class, and by the end of college, we were one of the most well known couples in college. After many ups and downs, snogging ensued over out-of-city class trips from Goa to Shimla, through many valentines, traditional days, sports festivals, cultural festivals, one very eventful scavenger hunt, a hundred plus public displays of... rage :P (back in the day when I had serious anger management issues), making up over cheese omelettes and Iranian tea here (Best. Irani. Cafe. Ever.) .... by beginning of my last sem, my very first relationship had crashed and burned to the ground.

You know how they say that intense love has the capability to change you? Well it changed me. I was nothing like the person I was when I joined college by the time it ended. To be fair, it had a lot to do with the miserable time I was having in college (18-22 was probably the most difficult time I've had in my life). Out went the happy go lucky, carefree, ability to laugh at myself and in came the deeply cynical, sort of pathetic and doubt-ridden me. At the end of it all, my first relationship had stripped me down to my very core. When it ended, I couldn't breathe, because there are nothing happy and sunshine-y for me to hang on to. For the first time, I was faced with the prospect of examining every wrong call, every mistake, every hole in my life. It was hard getting to know me, and it was harder because no one told me how to climb out of the hole I had dug myself into, when the break up happened, and I was left dealing with this mess I'd created on my own. 


In the story of my life's greatest fuck ups, the year 2009 should be given an award. In the summer of 2009, I was churning out sad, cough-poorly-written-cough blog posts like nobody's business. On some of those very first mopey blog posts, landed the people who would end up shaping the rest of the year & a large part of 2010 for me. One of those first people was a guy, who was living away from home, seemed really nice to talk to and had a great taste in music. We started talking, and before I knew it, we were talking all the freaking time. This was before, the guy became Blogger celebrity and every single female blogger wanted to be his "friend". :D

Needless to say, this was a rebound. I was extremely lonely, and I had managed to push every single friend away by giving them all sorts of excuses. I spent all my time in this virtual world, and ended up depending more and more on this guy for some much needed humor and comfort. Within no time (and a huge telephone bill, ahem, this was ISD calling), I was pretty attached to this guy, who I was slowly considering to be one of my closest friends. I never told him anything, because I figured it was just a phase that was going to fade away, and I valued him too much as a friend.

Sometime soon after, I found out that this guy was in fact interested in this awesome girl on Blogger (who, funny story, ended up being great friends with me, and it all started with hate mail I believe hahahahhahahha... you know who you are, wink wink), that essentially put a stop to any feelings I had. Obviously it took some time for it to wind back down. It helped that I had just started working, so I was swamped with work and enjoying every minute of my new found freedom, making actual money :P ... and I was slowly reconnecting with my friends again.

Then before I knew it, this guy, this really nice witty humorous person.... changed into this completely different guy I did not know anymore. I do not know if it was all the internet fame or what... I figured it was probably best to let the drifting away happen, so our talks pretty much boiled down to music and maybe catching up once in a while. Then out of the blue, one fine day, out of nowhere, this person ends up humiliating me by calling me a variety of things. Here I am, minding my own business, listening to songs, talking about work.... and then suddenly... BAM!!! a whole barrage of abuses. It really really hurt me to hear those things, coming from a friend! It crushed me to hear this person say all these things about me, because I am almost ashamed to admit this, I DO NOT know the appropriate way to respond to meanness! I have never been mean to anyone in my life -  like the bitchy, mean just for the heck of being mean, mean because I am having a bad day so I will take it out on someone, kind of mean. (okay I did once joined in the laughter when the entire class was making fun of this girl in 6th grade, but I felt so guilty later that I went up to her and made lame jokes to make her laugh.... yes I am THAT nerd girl ugh) It sucked that I was being told all these horrible, judgmental things... from someone who had never even MET me!

That day, I shut down everything and seriously contemplated deleting the blog and everything else. I felt like all of my online presence was this disgusting thing that I wanted to get rid of... icky cooties! :P I was ashamed that at 23, I had acted like I was 10 and blindly trusted someone, and set myself up for this kind of hurt. I did NOT need this reminder that I am not "strong", considering some jerk from behind a computer screen could actually make me dissolve into tears & hyperventilation like that. I honestly believed then that everyone online was as fake as he had turned out to be.

Obviously, I am thankful I didn't go through with my grand plan. :)

Because eventually, I realized that this jerk was no reason to say good bye to everything I had actually gained here on Blogger. There are so many things that would not have happened, had I actually thought of turning away from everyone I had already met / was yet to meet. Those people who showed up on my birthday with a printout of an email, with a chocolate cake in tow, and random yelling over the phone most of which constituted "OMGOMGOMGOMG". Those people who I have spent hours talking to, and nothing changed when I actually met them in person (maybe we put the crazy a notch higher, by sitting on roofs of houses and scaring the shit out of random people at 3AM). People who showed up unexpected in the middle of the night at home (yes that has happened, the joys of living in your own home also come with unexpected arrivals at bizarre times), because a friend is needed, and I always have alcohol. :P Someone who gave me a shiny TIARA for my birthday and walked around the mall with a styrofoam sword with 'Hermione Granger is awesome' written on it, because just, we are crazy like that. The same someone who I suppose is responsible for making me pursue a serious relationship with the man I would eventually marry (A, this sound familiar? "Aw come on you so totally have the hots for him!!!" "WHAT?! NO!" "Yes you do. You are texting him now aren't you?" "WHAT?! NO! YES! I hate you!" you totally reverse psycholog-ied me you smartass!) People who showed up for my wedding, like one giant Bloggers meet :P People who helped my friends get ready for the temple wedding, and some others who explained why waiting for spoons or forks was useless. People who I helped shop for their weddings a day before the event, and ended up being treated just like family at their special day. I am so kicked that pretty much half of my very best friends are people I've met online, and when online best friends met real life best friends, whether its a wedding or playing a board game at my home.... it is always LEGENDARY! The awesome times we all have had, driving random people on Facebook NUTS with our antics! I am grinning like an idiot just thinking about things I cannot mention in here because of ... er.. reasons... :P

One bad experience vs a whole new family of awesome people is a pretty fair deal huh? :)

P.S.: I love you guys so much, I will totally dedicate the book I will eventually publish to you all. :P
Now Playing: Mahi Ve | Faakir (SUCH an old song.... what the hell happened to Pakistani pop?!)

Jun 1, 2014

Love - Part 1

(I am continuing the tag that I abandoned a month and a half ago.... because 1. I ALWAYS get creative when I am required to focus on something more important, namely studying. 2. I would like to stress that I am anything BUT a quitter. So yea. And this is long, you have been warned. Also, some of these scenes are so dream like and surreal, I am thrilled that it actually happened to me! My friends at the time revered me for how my "perfect" life was unfolding... hahahah!)

Cliched. Love? Really thats the best you can come up with Annie? But considering my teenage and young adult life has been one heck of a roller coaster, I think a full disclosure is due. Mostly because it is healthy for a future 50 and probably boring me to read someday about the 20-something did-you-really-fucking-do-that?! me. 

I was in the 6th grade when I saw the person that is currently still the longest relationship(?) of my life. I had a tiff with a guy from my class (per usual), and was waiting after the home bell to go give him a piece of my mind. So I stomped over to his bus (no. was 17, jesus I have some memory), and demanded that a certain Mr. Rai come meet me. In a couple of seconds I was left stuttering like an idiot,  because instead of Mr. Junior Rai.. Mr. One-Year-Senior Rai came over curiously to see me. 

I kid you people not, this guy firstly... wore pants. (We had half pants till 6th, 7th onwards full pants.. :P). He was an Adonis to my just-turned-teen eyes. He had a voice that had cracked (read, husky as hell), and behind geeky glasses, he had smoldering eyes. I recognised him later as the guy who headed the athletics team. More on that er...fetish later. In short, I was smitten. I was a smitten kitten. ALL THE WAY TILL END OF SCHOOL. This crush on a guy who did not know I existed (because I fled the aforementioned scene in a matter of minutes without saying anything..... faceslap?) lasted a whole FOUR years till end of school (was I lame or was I lame?!).  

Moving over. I realised I had a type. Has to be tall (which is funny considering I am myself really short!). Has to play some sort of sport / has to be athletic. (again funny considering I was anything but. I am lazy as lazy can be.) Has to have a great voice. 

All through my school life, my celebrity crush included exclusively this guy.

Tom Cruise, in Top Gun. Remember this, he forms the basis of two VERY dramatic scenes of my life. 
Since this has already been explained in much detail (and my tendency for SMS language English) previously on the blog archives, I'll just cut it short. 

Summer vacations between 11th & 12th grade, I visited my brother who was living in Hyderabad at that time. I was 17, and yet, again in one of those crazy moments, had decided to take a train journey ALONE. On the train, in true Jab We Met style (I shit you not, I swear the moment the movie came out, my best friends called me and said dude did you sell your life script?!), I met a gorgeous, shy, did I mention ridiculously good looking, sweet guy travelling to Secunderabad. He was 23, AND A PILOT IN THE IAF! Apparently he was supposed to be one of the 6 best (news article was not out yet, came out in May endish). While I was skeptical on the train, the pictures he later sent on email of him standing next to his red-silver jet (holy fuck!!) in full army uniform (OMGOMGOMG) proved otherwise. Tall, nice voice, sporty? Check, check, and a Sukhoi-30 HELL YES.

Anyway, on the train stayed up all night talking. About Top Gun (hehe), aviation, books, life, crushes, careers, families. He was supposed to get off before me, but instead stayed in because I was getting off at last stop. :) Parted ways on the platform and never stayed in touch. Life was crazy. Got too busy with studies. Put him out of my mind when I returned to Mumbai, because lets face it. Fighter pilot and 12th standard super chatty college students aren't exactly the stuff fairytales are made up of. Sigh.

After recounting this story for engineering friends on one of our last college night outs, and after realising what a HUGE mistake it had been to not stay in touch, we did the stalker bit trying to find him on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Plus. Bingo on LinkedIn but dead profile. So yep. That news article of him winning the trophy from May 2005 TOI, remains the only link to him. Sweet nostalgia. 


For the 1st floor balcony of my junior college in 12th grade, I spied a guy walking casually across the volleyball court (my college was famous for its state level volleyball team). He looked JUST LIKE TOM CRUISE. I am not even kidding you. If it weren't for the fact that guy in question probably hates me right now, I would have uploaded his picture. Available on request on email? :P 

So what do I do about my blossoming crush? After a royally bombed Physics-1 exam, I handed in my paper 30 minutes before the bell rang, and stepped out into an empty corridor. Something you need to know about my college - we had a circular landing and a spiral staircase leading up. I walked into the empty landing, and saw the current real-life heart throb leaning casually against the railing on the opposite site. This was going to one of my trademark-Annie crazy moments... wherein well, I do something crazy. To this day, I haven't figured out why I did what I did next. 

I walk up to this male body of perfection, and say, 'Hi!'. He looks a little taken aback, and says, '...Er. Hi?' Obviously still under my crazy spell, I ask him his name (at that point, obviously, like all teenage college girls with a crush, I knew everything publicly available to know about him. Including his name.) He smiles, flashing pearly whites that would make K (my dentist best friend) swoon, and introduces himself. The exam final bell rings. He asks for my name. I reply. Then I say, "You know... you look like Tom Cruise. I think you look really cute!!" People start filing into the landing. AND THEN I FLEE THE SCENE. (seems to a recurring theme huh? I actually turn on my heel and walk away without saying anything... I suppose it has a humor factor to it, but god was I nuts or what?!)

My friends come join me, and hysterically laughing at myself with my friends joining in (something I did often back then! I was always the clown of the group, thus never really taking life's many disappointments very seriously... man life was good.) - I tell them the hilarious and embarrassing tale of my flight. We giggle a lot and make our way downstairs. There, a friend of mine joins us to ask me how my exam went (funny story, I do not actually "know" this guy. he joined us in a crowded canteen one day because there was no place to sit, and me being me chatted nonstop. Ending up making friends). He overhears the story, and asks who I was referring to. I supply the name. He says, 'Oh, C?! He's in my Bio class!' And then he excuses himself. He came running back to me in 10 minutes. 

"Here's his number. He's asked you to call him." :) Thus goes the story of how I ended up dating a hot Tom Cruise lookalike in college. :P Long story short, dated for a blissful remainder of college life. First guy to meet my mom. She loved him too much! After 12th grade prelims, I was much too ambitious for him, and so er.. I sort of dumped him. Before state exams. He did NOT take it well. Ouch. I know I acted like a horrible person! I just was very bad with my timings and a bit of a foot in my mouth kind of person.... Anyway, reconnected with him a couple of years ago when I started working, apologised sincerely.

He did not buy it. Still hates me... :P  


Part 2 - to be continued, with more instances of my insane tryst with the men. Including a story featuring strangers from Blogsville. :P 


P.S.: Dedicated to that close group of friends who has witnessed this all, and have started many a conversation with 'Remember when Annie did/said/was.....) :D

P.P.S.: Popular opinion had dictated that I look for my Pilot guy, but really guys, I did everything a stalker can over that one night out with my gal pals. NOTHING turned up. Short of knowing someone actually in the air force..... there is no way. Also, lets not forget he is probably married with twelve kids by now. Relax. Baith jaiye.