Oct 23, 2009

Nuts about you...

I wish I could tell you how crazy Im about you..

I wish I could tell you that your feather-light touch on my hand, as you fingered my tattoo, oh-so-softly, made tiny electric currents run down my spine... no touch had ever felt so intimate...

I wish I could tell you that.. no, I dont get butterflies in my tummy whenever I talk to you... nor do I imagine seeing a future with you.. the sort of things you do generally... but I know that talking to you makes my insides fill with a warm feeling... and I m still wondering WHY I always always smile whenever I hear your voice.

I wish I could tell you that I think about you every day.. every second.. N all my friends have to do is to turn and catch me smiling to know you are on my mind...

I wish I could tell you that it makes me incredibly happy to be one of your closest friends, while each second I wish I could be someone more than that..

I wish I could tell you it makes me bitterly jealous to know you have been out with her, but happy too, because well.. atleast someone out of the two of us is happy... so what if it isnt me... *sad smile*

I wish I could tell you that you talking about her making my heart clench in a way that makes it difficult to breathe.. you talking about being confused.. might not mean anything to you or her... but it hurts me like someone was physically hurting me... because it means she's still there in a place I can never fill...

I wish I could tell you that when you talk about never wanting to get hurt that way again.. I feel like telling you I promise I will never hurt you ever.. look at me..

I wish I knew all the answers.. I wish I could ask you all the questions...

Like an utterly foolish person I wish someday you would turn and hold my hand and say Im nuts about you too.. *sighh!!!!*

Why dont I say all of that?..

Well maybe because.. I know I will never mean as much to you as she does.. maybe because I know you will never hold onto me as you did for her...

maybe because.. she is so near... whereas Im so so far..

maybe because... I am afraid. Of losing you. Because you being in my life, even if just as a friend, means much much more to me than you will probably ever know.

maybe because.. I am just afraid.. no reasons.. just scared totally out of my wits..

maybe because...you might never have thought of me in that way.. maybe never will...

maybe because.. I am probably the last person you might ever think about in that way.. simply because Im so plain.. nothing about me is even the slightest bit interesting.. *sad smile*

maybe because there might be a millions girls nuts about you.. and Im just one random person in the crowd for you...

*sigh!*
Annie.
P.S: I'm so totally NUTS about you...

25 comments:

Destiny's child... said...

And I thought you were over with all of this...
WHo said you are plain and uninteresting? Come on Annie, you know you are not. I atleast I don't think so!
Annie, Smile! :)

Akansha Agrawal said...

I went like awww...sigh! throughout the post... I so recognise it... :)

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Destiny's Child,
This is someone else. :P
n I AM smiling.... :) n sighing :P

@Akansha,
sigh! :)

soin said...

the oldest love story on earth heh??i guess no one can be classified as uninteresting.. specially those who blog..free

IcE MaiDeN said...

@soin,
yeah i guess so.. :)

ANWESA said...

my fav lines :

**atleast someone out of the two of us is happy... so what if it isnt me...

amazingly written!!!!

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Anwesa,
:)

sawan said...

this world has so many lucky souls who get to have so much of love even without knowing it all!! good one girl

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Sawan,
And so many unlucky souls who will never tell them about the depth of their feelings... or get any love in return...

*sigh!!!*
*sad smile*

bondgal_rulz said...

REALITY CHECK - You are NOT uninteresting. Period.

And awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!

*Hugs*

Cheers

P.S. Does he not know that you blog?

ScarletTd1ar1es said...

calm my nerves
steer my will
as long as i have you
everything fits the bill

but you if i ever miss
i will run outta breath,
cuz without ur bliss
i d prefer to bleed to death.

ScarletTd1ar1es said...

i know EXACTLY how you feel. EXACTLY.

RGB said...

wish not. believe!

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Isha,
Ya I am... totally uninteresting and the last person he would actually think about... :|

sheesh!!! i need to get a huge tub of icecream and my fav PJ's n refuse to move out of my bed :P

@ScarletDiaries,
Abeeee!!! dont put more mush in my head than there is already :P

its a lil different here, im genuinely VERY happy being one of his closest friends and I dont plan on telling him ever :P :)

@RGB,
Believe in what? something that will never happen... naaahhh!!! i wud rather jus be friends and eat icecream in my PJS :P

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Scarlet,

"I was totally over it. I told myself it was a stupid crush, over and done with it. And then he looked at me..."

u get it right?
:)

MultiMenon said...

OMG OMG OMG.... :P I knew this coming u know?? :D So,u smiled when u spoke to me,not coza me??? :((( katti!!!!!!! :X

Love,
Nikhil

Manjari Singh said...

i bet she is beautiful that he talks about

she has got everything that i have to live without.

:-) what else i can say?

IcE MaiDeN said...

@nikhil,
awww... :P :)

@manjari,
damnnnnn!!!!! THT was the song in my mind whn i wrote it!! :)
*sad smile*

blunt edges said...

sweet...haven't we all been through this at some point or the other! :)

n how do u smile sadly?

buckingfastard said...

confessions of a superstar's plain jane secretary eh??

dere maybe million gals nuts abt him...but no 1 cud express den as sweetly as dis one!! :)

Shaunak said...

Awww...things like that really do churn in your mind. I know they did in mine. Expressed very honestly, it went straight to the heart.

Smile, look to the light, cheers! :)

IcE MaiDeN said...

@blunt edges,
Havnt u liked someone who didnt like you back? wow lucky guy :P
THT is when u smile sadly :)


@buckingfastard,
*sigh!*
All that doesnt matter.
Shayy!!! Life i tell you!!! :| :P

@Shaunak,
Oh! I ALWAYS smile :P so no worries, im made of toughter stuff than most people know. So im smiling allryt! :)

Kay said...

sigh...i know that feeling, live(d)--hopefully past tense-- that feeling, you display it so well...brillantly, sadly so... you are not her, you are the 'secret' she is the 'savored'... sigh...sad. hard. makes you a better person to know. (or am I just speaking for myself)? ... letting go is so hard.

Jagged Edge said...

wow.. very lucidly described train of thought.. n stop minimalizing yourself.. u've got a gr8 friend when most of us arent lucky to have a set of those..

stick by.. n dont be sad :) i knw u'r not any more.. but just wanted to say something :P

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Kay,

*sigh!* Letting go is SO SO hard!

@Mona,

You know you have great friends too! No matter how far, they are still there and always will be! :)

And yes, I know Im lucky I end up making some really kickass friends :)

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