Oct 2, 2009

100. Final Goodbye...

This is it. I have made it so far and me making it through today proves it that Im over you. This is my final goodbye. And its been such a long journey.

This day has meant so much to me for these last years. The 2nd of every month has meant so much to me. Everything that happened in the last years has meant so much to me. Words will never describe what I went through when we broke up. I never thought much of myself anyway, and least of all I imagined that I will ever be able to survive without you. I couldnt believe it for a second that I will ever go through one day, one moment without you. That was how much I loved you.

I never thought Ill be saying this, but its true, as I have spoken nothing but the truth out entire relationship, that, you dont mean anything to me at all. I do not love you anymore. You are a memory of something - not good not bad, nothing that can be defined in a word or two - that happened to me in the past. Like everything happens for a reason, you happened for a reason too. And the reason for just for me to realise that I am the toughest girl I have ever known. Damn right yeah! :)

This day symbolises NOT years ago, telling you I love you in the middle of that beautiful empty basketball court anymore. It doesnt mean waiting every month for you to remember. It will not ever mean loving someone so much and so deep that others can only just imagine. It doesnt mean Gomantak or cheese omelet and tea, it doesnt mean a walk outside the college gates, with fingers locked together.

It means getting over you. It means being free of blaming myself for being alone.It means opening my eyes and realising that I have the most incredible friends anyone could ever dream of. It means having a happy fulfilling life where there is no space for you. And as incredible as it might sound to you, because I know all you remember of me is a weak girl who couldnt do without you, Im happy even without you. :)

I dont know if life will ever bring us two face to face again, I dont know if we will ever talk again. Slowly and surely all channels of communication that could have existed between us are dying away, and Im letting them, because I realised Im ok without them. I dont know if fate will ever make us meet our pasts again. But I know, if that day ever comes, you will meet a person who is very happy with her life.

This is it Ro. This is the final goodbye.
Bye.

An's.
P.S: And btw, our picture is out of my wallet. :)

26 comments:

Kay said...

breaking up is hard to do; losing a friend, is what it is. grieving the lose...ugh....something i know is eventually inevitable in my life, but i hold tight to the friendship today.

in the end, you get to know yourself well, and that is a treat and delight in itself.

thought provoking write today.

Vishnu said...

finallly.. so cheer up..

Dhanya said...

:) *Hugz*

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Kay,
So true. You get to know yourself so well after going through things like these... I didnt know I was so tough, or that my spirit in unbreakable. :) I love myself a lot more today because he didnt love me enough then. :)

@Vishnu,
Yes, M cheered up yes. Im always cheerful now. lolz :P

@Dhanya,
*hugs* :)

ScarletTd1ar1es said...

lovely. now u r a rockstar.:P

gargi said...

I have said this before..and i am very proudly saying it again!..You are one brave girl!!! You are one of those very few people whom i admire so much because they are the one's i look up to. They spell these very words for me: "Life goes on!".

Hope you always keep rocking the world with that amazing smile of yours =)

love you loads!!
mwaaaah!!
xxxxx

Sourav !!! said...

If you were not pretending (to be happy) in this post, I really liked it, coz life is moving on and yes you seem to be racing on ! :)

Way to go girl, hit on me someday, send me your address, I'll be there outside your balcony typical hindi film ishtlye with a red rose ! :D

And a better name for this "Hey, life, I'm back!" :)

mysterious gal said...

wow girl i am so proud of you! I did this thing too and i realized i am finally free! i know he will one day realize how it is to miss someone who loved u deeply but then you will be faraway!
Break ups do make one too strong! I realized it in this one year! We could endure all pains and yet smile and that's why i m glad past happens!

And i m so glad u have emerged stronger too! I hope u keep smiling and happy like this always!

Love ya
Mwaaahz

Akansha Agrawal said...

Everything happens for a reason... end of the story :D

bliss said...

that was a brave one!!!! sad though break ups are, i am so glad u r finally over whosoever guy that was. i had to do the same thing once, although not quite the same but really close, and i knew how terribly painful it was. but i also remember happiness of the brief moment for which i thought i was over him... so if thats what you are feeling right now, i must say i am happy for u!!! goodluck ann!!!! be strong always!!!!!!! :)

bondgal_rulz said...

Annnieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

I'm bloody proud of you ladki!!! Way to go!!!

Keep rockin!! :)

Mwahh

Satans Darling™ said...

You finally made me access blogger after so long. And I am so glad to read this post. I won't say much. You are a strong girl, and you have set a great example for many girls out there, who have broken up and are unable to move on even after it's been so many years. I am proud of you! Be what you are.

Lots of love!

IcE MaiDeN said...

@ ScarletTd1ar1es,
Yeah!!! \m/


@Gargi,
:) I wouldnt have done it without you guys... :) ILMB rockksss!!! :P
Luv you loads tooo!!!
Mwahhh!!! :)


@Sourav,
There was a brief while when I was swinging between pretending and truly being happy.. but this is it. This is happeneing for real. I truly am happy.. N SOOO truly said.. Hey life! Im back! :)

N hahahhaha!!!! the guys are supposed to hit on!!! N i dont hav a balcony!! N i like lilies better :P :D

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Nabs,
You know I would have never have done it without you guys.. you guys kept me from breaking apart when I had noone... :)
Im so glad I have always had ILMB.. :) N we really do know what we all go through.. man, we are so close and Im so proud of us for that... :) :)

love u tooo!!!
Mwahhh!! :)

@akansha,
So true! :)

@bliss,
Thanks dear!! :) let that moment of happiness be forever not jus brief.. :) It takes time, yeah, but getting over someone who wasnt meant to be is the best thing that can happen to you.. :)

IcE MaiDeN said...

@isha,
:) Your pep talk helped a LOT! because for a moment there, I thought I really wasnt so tough.. As it turns out .. hell yeah I AM! :P

Mwwwahh!!! :) :)

@Ash,
Like I said up here, I would never have done it without you guys... Rem, you were one of the few people I spoke with on that day, when I had no clue what to do.. There is some bond with all us girls that sees no distance, state, or hell, even countries :P :P I love you guys! :)

Mwahhhh!!! :)

bondgal_rulz said...

Ofc you are!!! How dare you think that you are not!!! *glares and gives YOU a whack* :P :D

kOoOlWhEeLz said...

heyy hatz off..really...
i knw..sad situation..but its brave..!!!
>:D<

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Isha,

:P

>:D<

@Mahi,
You have seen it all... Do i even remotely look or sound like im unhappy?? :P
wow i love being happy!!! :P :D
>:D<

Dr. Acula said...

Beautifully written!! =)

Way to go, Annnnnn!!!

Happy for you!!!!! :) :) *Hugs* >:D< :)

Cheers! :) :)

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Ishani..

Awwww!!! *hugs* :)
>:D<

Cheers! :)

Destiny's child... said...

Finally! Hugs...:)
I am so, so, so happy for you! :)

blunt edges said...

:)

muthu said...

A thoughtful write....

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Destiny's Child,
Im very happy for myself too.. :)
*hugs*

@blunt edges & muthu,
:)

gkam said...

You are brave to have moved on.
An example for those who still cling on even after the break up.

:)

sawan said...

2 years!! after reading this, i have this strong urge to go and read my oooold posts :P must be funny :D

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