If someone has asked me a year back if I was going anywhere in life, I would have laughed, downed two more drinks, and said 'I don't know & I don't care!' and laughed my trademark Annie laugh. And felt the emptiness inside me, grow a tiny bit wider on my way back home, alone.
We had been friends for so long before the thought that we could be anything else, wasnt even a valid thought. Remember how we started off? I was sitting at my desk and you had just come out of someones cabin behind me and said something loudly about Rafael Nadal. Now me, not the one who hear anything against my beloved Fed, had said that 'Nadal can never be Federer.' I didn't even know you then, and yet we had engaged into a wordplay about our favorite tennis stars! And that was it.. So simple. So insignificant really. And look where we are now. :)
I was completely disillusioned with men when we started off. The thought that troubled me the most was the fact that from the way life was going then, it was quite clear that I was an extremely poor judge of character. And I made way too many mistakes for my own good. Infact, I felt that I was no better than I was in 2009. And THAT was a crushing blow. You know how sometimes in life being that one person is all you dream of, all you breathe for and all you ever think of? And then someone tells you that it aint happening cause you are just too damn stupid? It felt like that. And then you happened.
I don't know what made me think of you in a different way. Maybe it was the fact that you were so patient with me. Maybe it was the time that we spent together - talking, debating, discussing, arguing. Actually if I had to put my finger on it, it has to be Arnab. When he had surveyed me over a hot coffee at Costa Coffee, whilst I smsed you in the last moments before you boarded the flight for your forest expedition. You werent even gone, and I was already missing you. I felt so stupid even acknowledging that to myself. And Arnab had asked, you like him don't you?!
There is a fine line between something that you start thinking about or feeling when someone points it out to you for the first time - and something that was always there but it takes someone pointing it out for you to realize that its true. In that evening that I went to the beach with Arnab, I knew that I was looking at you in a whole different light. It was easy to move on, play along, get flirty, get into dangerous waters and eventually get hurt. The question was did I want to take the chance? I didn't know.
When you came back, you had similar ideas. Traditional day. A gazillion pictures of me, that private look just between you and me, and few more awesome pictures. Playful looks over dinner at the Hyatt, and the long long drive in the chilly late October night. If I was in touch with any of my girl friends, that was a night worthy of popcorn, coke and lets-analyze-what-he-meant-by-that! :) Sadly, self-imposed exile was still on, and so it was just me and thoughts more confused than ever. But I knew now, whatever it was - it was definitely on! :)
The rest as they say, is history. Never the one who thinks twice before doing / saying anything, I took the longest time letting you in - giving you all of my heart. Remember me telling you one day on one of those long drives when I was still holding back, "My heart is so heavily cellotaped together that its pretty much useless to anyone else but me! LOL" ... You took it anyway, and look how awesome you made it. Like it has never been hurt at all! For the first time, I believe that Love has the power to heal things, make things allright, make your dreams come true.
As I sit here, typing all this while you are so far away from me, the other side of the world, (Detroit of all the places to be! :| ) I wish you were here. The ring on my finger reminds me of all the times you have made me a better person over the last year, the times you have erased everything that has ever gone wrong in my life.. and the dreams that we both have seen for us.
I still don't know where I am going in life, but I know its someplace awesome, because you are with me. Come back home soon, I am waiting! :)
P.S: I Love You.
Now Playing: In My Veins | Andrew Belle (Grey's Anatomy OST)