Nov 17, 2009
*pulls at hair in frustration*
Calm down wild child! Take a deep breath. Yes thats good. Now talk.Why are you so upset? What is it that is making you so miserable right now? And what can be done to make you happy?
He makes me happy. And he makes me sad. Jerk! *grumbles*
Stop kidding yourself, be serious. What do you want?
Can I say him? *please?*
Ok. O.K. Ohkay!
I am happy with my life. I like it the way it is, I love my job and I love my friends. Sometimes I dont love myself, but thats ok, because I have friends who make up for all that lost love. *trailing away* Actually come to think about it.. its not that bad. Infact Im awesome!! I love this. What am I doing???!! I should be partying!!! Woooohooo!!! *gets crazy*
You can fool everyone. You cant fool me. You can lie and create this beautiful illusion of everything so perfect and everything so 'awesome', a dream like place where everyone is happy with their life and noone has any problems. But you know I see through all of it. You are always fixing things and you always want to make everything happy around you and least on that list is you. Tell me Im wrong.
*looks here and there*
Errr... Ok now this is getting heavy-duty. I HATE heavy-duty talking and you know that right?
You hate seriousness, the reality. You hate facing situations you rather run away from.
No! NO! *throws a shoe*
Why are you still friends with him? When you know its hurting you to know everyday, every moment that he cant be more than what he is?
Because he makes me happy. Fullstop. Stop glaring at me you idiot. He really does. Talking about the silliest of all things and laughing about the lamest of all jokes, makes me happy! Dont you see?? Only I decide who makes me sad, and because he is so important to me that he has that right. Its ok. Ill grow out of it.
You have to let him go. You cant make people stay when they dont want to. Having feelings for someone who doesnt have them back is a path for nothing but hurt and you know that.
You can, its just that you dont WANT to right now. You have to allow yourself to make the difficult choice. It will hurt but it will be fine after a while. Atleast you get to keep a wonderful friend. You have to let him go, let the feelings you have for him go. Put them away, erase, format your head.
Dont rush me. I will do it in my own time. I will be fine. Stop fussing over me like I was a kid or something!!!
And you know that forgetting aint happening. Anytime soon atleast.
But dear girl, you are a child. You dont see that loneliness is going to catch up with you, no matter how hard you run. It is going to come and find you no matter how much and where you try to hide.
I have friends who will never let me be lonely.
You can be surrounded by a crowd and still be all alone. You that very well dont you? And you know there are only 2 people in the world who know when your faking it all. And its yourself and me. You cant fool me and you have to come back to me at the end of the day. What will you do when you will look around and find noone but me?
Ill deal with it the day it comes ok?
Let me continue in my bliss till that day comes and right now,
JUST SHUT UP!
P.S: Oh dear lord!! Im not even 22 and I already have MPD!
Posted by IceMaiden at 1:17 AM