Apr 4, 2014

Death

For someone who has written as many morbid & depressing things as I have, who has had dying as one of the constant themes of anything and everything I have ever found beautiful - I have seen death at close proximity only once. And that happened 5 months ago.

Nutties had a big meeting, at a swanky hotel, so he was up really early. It was a Saturday, and I had a meeting later in the day over brunch at Candies, so I woke up refreshed & smiling just as Nutties was leaving. That is when I saw that my close friend and work colleague had called me at an odd 7.30 AM. Now if you do the work I do, you just know that calls at odd times, mean the same thing. It's an emergency. Somewhere, some animal needs your help. Someone being run over, someone is sick, new litters have been found, someone needs advise.. the likes. I am the de facto kitten expert, so I absently dialled back. He picked up on the second ring and said exactly this, 'You have to come over to R's right now, her sister jumped.. fell off.. I don't know..  their balcony. Messaging you the address right now.'

It took a millisecond to be wide awake, and also at the same time, plunge into a pool of complete disorientation. What? Why? Huh? What? WHAT? Somehow, I managed to leave home in a stumble. I did not know what to expect. I did not even know what to say, who to call on my way there. I just sat there and smoked in silence with the auto guy, who was also apparently having a bad day. The day passed by in a blur. What do you say? What do you do? How do you make it better? I was angry that no matter how much we all try to fix the world, no matter how many animals we save.. where the fuck does does all that good karma go? What happened to all those lives we saved huh? This one beautiful soul could not be saved? 

Watching someone die, makes you realise just how fragile we all are. Bodies made of sticks & bones & blood. And rubbed down with emotions, all of them packed into one small, disgustingly fragile body. And then we go and make relationships happen. Many we are simply born into. And we are, if you think about it, the same heart beating in two, three, four different bodies. We share. And then one breaks away, drifts away and it shatters. A void opens up that will never be filled. Human beings & their relationships.   

I wonder why some say death can be peaceful. From whatever I have seen of it, it has been horrible. People around me, live forever okay? :( 

Annie.
P.S.: This got way too morose I know, I swear I will try and be more cheerful next :)

P.P.S.: Grief counselling really works. If someone you know if going through something as major as this, please understand that sometimes a counsellor will explain things to them like you can't. So yes, its a good idea to book that appointment.
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Now Playing: Paperweight | Joshua Radin

5 comments:

CA Heaven said...

I like death metal, but otherwise I hope death will stay away for a while >:)

Cold As Heaven

Red Handed said...

I have seen death closely twice. The second time, the body was not of someone I am close too and I stood near it for quite sometime.
But this death, well I don't think there is something that continues after tht. I believe it is a permanent stop. and that scares the hell out of me.
so like you said
"PEOPLE AROUND ME, LIVE FOREVER OK?"
:D

Psych Babbler said...

I haven't seen death close up even though I've had a few people die. It scares me and I have no idea how I will react. That's so sad about your friend's sister...

Aditi said...

:( I too haven't encountered death from close quarters... I know it is ugly for the near ones... But wonder if the soul who has passed away gets peace or not...

Laterally Moved. said...

I have seen death up close. She died in front of me. It is a unique and horrifying experience. And I totally agree that if someone needs a grief counsellor they should go to them. BTW I love the song Paper weight. Its so light and calming.

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