Ending the year with a list!

If I was ever asked to give a success tip, I would definitely say 'Make a list!'. Everything I have going for me in the present, was a line item on a list I made sometime in the past. Of course some lucky things also followed of their own accord. But making a list and obsessively following it, is a way to ensure that your goals remain on your mind and within sight. At all times. Trust me, it works.

Turning 25

Best. Birthday. Ever. That is the only way to describe 5th December 2012.

Having suffered through a panic attack about one week before my birthday this year (panic about turning 25, and crossing over to the 'adult' list from the 'young adult' one), my birthday was by far the most awesome, wonderful birthday I have ever had. The strange part being I celebrated it with only 3 people (Nutties and two school-time best friends), zero internet connectivity, no phone in my hand, total disconnect from the world!

The Year That Was.

Most of this year can be summarized as things I have learnt from my cats. 

As everyone who is on my Facebook knows (I seem to say that a lot don't I? Wow. My FB is REALLY my life feed! :P) I adore my boys. They have grown beautifully from the frail tiny little, fitting-in-my-palm kittens they were when they came into my life. Over time, they have also developed a distinct personality about themselves. Even though they are brothers, they are as different as chalk and cheese! 

A Chapter Closes.

Moving is hard.

You have to pack up the smallest and biggest of all your things, try to cram your entire life into a box. Find a house made of bare walls, with perhaps some remnants of the previous owners personality, and then try to wash it all away and pin up yours.

Moving is especially difficult, if you have to divide up the things in your old house into two boxes, that very well might say 'mine' and 'ex's'.

I cannot recall the last time I dreaded the thought of a weekend. The estate agent had called on Tuesday, she said they had found someone who wanted to move in. She makes some small talk, tells me they are just like us. A young couple eager to move into a cozy apartment. I hope they break up. I hope they hate moving in. I hang up, and leave him an email. He replies soon, says he will meet me at the apartment on Saturday.

On Saturday, I drive to the apartment, I see his car is already parked outside the complex. The watchmen greets me with his customary gap-toothed smile, he still remembers me. I nod back with a small smile and make my way up. I remember the first day I had walked out of the building after seeing the apartment. Such a long time ago, such a foolish happiness.

I walk into the apartment and see that he has already started. He is vacuuming under the small, worn out sofa bed in the hall. Much of our precious and important things we took away with us months ago, when we parted ways. Clothes. Shoes and tooth brushes. What remained back were little pieces of us here and there, that needed to be trashed, or put away in boxes. 

'Do you want this?' he asks, holding up a packet of condoms he finds under the coffee table. I believe they are there from the last time we had sex, on the couch, under the influence of a lot of alcohol. I glare at him and curtly answer, No. Inwards I think, What the fuck am I supposed to be doing with them? Blow up chocolate flavored balloons? Idiot.

'Okay what about these?'. In his hand he is holding up a jar. Back in the day when we fancied ourselves living the cool, explorer life, we had taken numerous weekend trips. To far off and wonderful little nooks and corners of the country. And imprisoned all those memories in transparent mason jars. One autumn, we took off in the middle of the night to Goa. On a secluded beach somewhere down south, we had collected sand and shells and little trinkets a street-side vendor girl had sold us for five rupees each. Put them all in a jar, hoping to forever keep the adventure alive. 

'No. What will I do with it? Carry it with me all the way to UK?' I stress on UK, silently emphasizing the new beginning I had chosen. That I had made my choice, I was taking the job. He silently drops the jar in the trash bag. 

'Well atleast you might want this.' I turn around, ready to snap at him, but he is holding up a clay pig. Painted baby pink, a short tail with a curled tip and a slit on its back. 'My gullak!' I exclaim. I take it and shake it, it is heavy and almost full of coins. 'You always said, you will give it away to... someone... I don't remember who.. -' 

'The old lady who sells safety pins on the bridge at the station. Thought I might help her by buying out all of her safety pins.' I smiled as I said this, some of my bad mood weathering away. 'Yeah, I am sure she does not have terribly huge savings.' he says with a short laugh. I laugh along, and then he pulls me in for a hug. It is not one of those romantic crushed-to-the-bone hugs, rather a comforting tangle of arms, on days sadness comes unexpectedly, and you need someone to lean on. 

Ours had been a whirlwind romance, a heady mess of coffee shops lattes, movies, dinner dates and sex. We were pretty happy here once, in our little home, for the initial few months when the shock of a new relationship excites you. We had our moments, yes, but when it all came down to the routine, after all the first impressions were done... we found that we were as different as different can be. Isn't it strange how blind being in love can make you? We both came from different worlds, and we both had our own sets of issues. It was apparent that our worlds were never to meet and be one. Definitely not forever. We had parted ways, amicably, with little word play and almost no tears. And we had done a great job at staying apart, moving on. After all, it was the right thing to do.

I pick up a book from the top of his almost full box. 'God I cannot believe you want to keep this book! I thought you said it was boring.' He chuckles, 'I'll look intellectual with The Secret on my bookshelf. No one will know I found all my life's questions answered in Calvin and Hobbes comic strips instead.' We both burst out laughing. 'You know what? Let's forget all this. Let's go get a drink!' 

I smile, look around our old apartment, the warm 5 o' clock sunshine just streaming in through the west window. 'Yes. Let's do that.'

We walk out of the apartment to grab our last drink, me closing the door on behind us. Turning the key in the lock, I smile again, and imagine - hope - that the couple that will move in next week make a home out of this house and are really happy together. Happier than us. For a long time to come.

~ Anita.

P.S: I believe this, out of all the posts I have ever written, was truly completely fictional. Although, like always the places and names are drawn from memory.

_________________________________________________________________________

Now Playing: Wreck of the day | Anna Nalick

Girl

Graphic content. Reader discretion advised. 

I met her for the first time at a party, that I no longer remember who had thrown.

I saw her from across the floor through a crowd of people, wearing the kind of red that makes it my favorite color. Bold, vibrant. Inviting. My trailing eye finally found caught hers. I smiled. And she smiled back.

We met again, a few weeks later, this time at a house party. She wore blue, the midnight blue, and I remember being a little bit more sober. She recognized me from the other day and came over to say Hi. Anupriya, she said, pushing back long dark hair. I laughed and asked if I should call her Anu or Priya. She replied coyly that I can call her Girl. We started to talk, and it felt.. different. It was easy to flirt with her. Between many vodka shots, and countless Dunhill Reds drags, we spoke of Pink Floyd and dogs and death. Not too much of a talker, I let her speak, her words resonating with my silent thoughts.

The third time we met was in an empty parking lot. That same day, while that house party was still not quite done. I slipped into my car, and then watched as she walked across the almost-empty parking lot, her heels making loud clicking sounds. Somewhere in the distance a single light flickered, one faulty, one odd man out of the perfect rest. I felt like that light, but here I was, with a girl walking towards me, like she was reaching out to fix me. She slid easily into the car, shutting the door behind her, and for a moment, she just looked at me. Half curious, half eager. Then that moment passed, and we were kissing. She tasted like vodka, which we had had one too many, indeed. My urgent hands found the zipper on that blue dress. The bra came off and next her wet panties, and then there I was, claiming her sweet taste, with my tongue. I could feel the mist settling on the window, the heat in that moment, making my insides ache like they had never ached before. She moaned and I could feel the world slip away. Into sweet obviation.

'Shh', she held up a finger to her lips, a while later. 'Come up in a while, and they will never notice we were gone.' I nodded and did as I was told. I followed her back into the party, and watched her the rest of the night, keeping my distance, aching for the time when she would be mine again. Her boyfriend would occasionally drape his arm around her shoulders, but she looked through him like he wasn't there. I noticed, maybe he didn't. She would look across the room sometimes, holding my gaze and staring at me with fire in her eyes, but I knew none could hear the secrets out loud.

We continued to meet, over the next few months. She was like an empty glass, pretty and delicate on the outside, aching to be filled on the inside. Always bringing that same fire along with her, always wanting more. And all I had to give her was me, every single inch of me. We spent hours together, naked, under the sheets, letting the world drone on outside my window. Tracing patterns over bare skin, sometimes with fingers and sometimes with tongues. Sometimes happy patterns, ending in giggles and laughter. Sometimes heart breaking ones, ending in silence and a tear or two. It was like we had our own time capsule, frozen in the moment, when seconds stretched to minutes and minutes to hours.

She never stayed. I never asked her why. When all the dreaming and lying was done, she would pick up her dress, fix her hair, wipe off the smeared lipstick, put on her heels, and leave. Without looking back, without saying bye. I did not ask her to stay, because I knew she would be back. I guess I never expected her to leave me.

The last time I saw her, she seemed distant. She sat holding a sheet to her naked body. I looked at her, and she looked out at the city. Revealing nothing, as always. I drew back a stray curl from her cheek, and asked her to stay. Leave the rest of her world, and stay back. With me. She looked at me, catching my finger in her hand, with that same look from that first time in the car. Curious, eager. Maybe just a sliver of sad. Before I could ask, she was kissing me. That day, she left as I slept in my bed. And when I woke up, I knew she was gone. For good.

It has been more than a year since I saw her last. I do not know where she is, or how she is. I did not try to look for her. I do not know if she thinks about me, about how life would have unfurled had she stayed. I walk around with an ache that has dulled this past year. Sometimes, I manage to convince myself it is not even there. Sometimes, it is almost like I have managed to erase all those patterns I made on her skin from my memory.

My mother called today. She demanded to know why I haven't replied to any of her numerous emails. She sounded a little too worried this time. I sat at my desk, and opened up an inbox full of mails. She asks in her last email if I had a breakup, if I was sad? She asks me to look at a single photograph attached. A doctor. I looked outside my window for a long time, and then I replied.

I will come home next week. I've quit my job and I want to settle down now. I like the doctor. Yes mom, I will marry him.

~Annie.
P.S: I am not too fond of homophobes, so if you are one, please leave while I ask nicely.
___________________________________________________________
Now Playing: So Have I For You | Nikka Costa

Dusk & Scotch

First few days, and the hooman photographers have driven themselves nuts, trying to capture these little posers! :) :)

 Scotch examining the ceiling..

 .. while Dusk checks out my cam.. :D

Adopt A Stray

After months of contemplating to do this one, I can now finally cross off the very first thing on my list of 25 before 25. Adopt a stray. Check. (actually make that two strays!)

Meet Dusk & Scotch! Aren't they the cutest kittens ever??? :) :) :) :) :)

They were found dumped in the bag in the garbage, along with 4 other siblings, with their mother crying for help. I want to punch the asshole who did that to them. I hope he/she trips like right now and breaks some bones. :| 

An NGO called World For All rescued them, unfortunately one passed away, while the others were put  up for adoption. While going through pictures on their Facebook page, I fell in love. If you stay in Mumbai, and want to adopt a stray, please look through their Facebook page. And a sincere request for anyone who wants to get themselves a pet, please DO NOT buy them. The animals are kept in a deplorable condition, and once they cannot mate anymore, are discarded onto the streets like broken toys. Please consider adoption instead. :)

Spread some love people!

Annie.

P.S: My crazy friends decided to rename them both.. Suggestions ranged from Jack and Daniels to Rum and Whiskey.. to Butter and Scotch... and Sheesha & Scotch :P :P

_________________________________________________________

Now Playing: nothing... they are sleeping! SHHH! :)  

Three Letters

(This has been weighing heavy on my mind all along so this comes first)

To All Those Beautiful People Who Sent Me Their Addresses In The Last Post,

I AM SO SORRY! :( I PROMISE I WILL SEND OUT ALL MY RETURN GIFTS IN THIS NEXT WEEK! I AM SO SO SORRY! :( :( :( :(

ALL my weekends after that post have been so occupied! :( First, some friends visited, then Vishu happened out of town, and then I fell super duper even-the-doc-going-OMGWTF-happened-to-you sick. :| Then when I finally got little better, I got TONS of work because May was supposed to be relatively easy. The only *good* thing that happened, I got hired to do a wedding at a very short notice, which BTW, is a LOT more difficult than I expected it to be. Here are some sneak peeks I posted on FB recently.. :) 

So yes, be assured you will get something pretty sometime very soon! Cross my heart, promise!!  

* * * * * *

To All Those Giving Marriage Advice,

Yaar Auntyji aapko expert banaya kisne??!?!?!? :| 

It is very simple. Whether you have a rocking 25 year old marriage, or whether you left within a year with a bitter taste, or whether you lead very simple, "fight-free", disjoint sets of lives, or whether you fight all the freaking time. Please understand that EVERY marriage is different, EVERY person has a very different equation with their spouse, and hell, it is an intensely personal equation. What worked for you, may not work for someone else, and what did NOT work for you will work for someone else. Period.

Now that being said, if you expect to tell someone not to adjust, or not to supposedly "lose their individuality", you are an idiot. Sorry but you fail to see that EVERYONE has to adjust to make ANY relationship work. It takes bloody effort to keep a marriage going, and please do not consider yourself an expert on marriage (or even men for that matter). Auntyji, please K serials dekhna band karo! Get your facts about real men right, they are not dumbfucks, you know. And for the LOVE OF GOD WHO IS PROBABLY CRINGING RIGHT NOW, this is not a Bollywood movie, love DOES NOT happen with a orchestra playing in the background!! :| :| My very own sister's arranged marriage is proof for this one - my sister is a VERY pretty singer/dancer aspiring to be a super chef, and adored by elders and youngsters alike. She, according to me (sorry but I swear by Linda Goodman), is a typical lioness. She can spend hours on herself, totally unconcerned what is happening around her, and I am not kidding you. Now, she is married to a man who is a complete opposite of her - my jeejs is a very quiet unassuming, shy man, who cannot sing or dance to save his own life :P and he is most definitely NOT a fashionable guy with a romantic charm. Think Aish and Ajay in Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam (they get that comment a LOT! :P :P)

And, there was none of that stupid "chemistry" or whatever the fuck Bollywood calls it - in fact, she whined about being stuck in a different city with a totally non romantic husband and made me come over to her place in the very next month after marriage. Now after a year of some considerable friction, I see the two of them so very much in love, because surprise surprise, they adjusted to each others differences and decided to play on their similarities. Please do not tell people to run after the illusion of a Bollywood match, that only happens in the movies. And everyone can make things work, if they are willing to. :)

* * * * * *

To You,
Otherwise known as The Girl Who No Longer Speaks To Me

I do not know what could I have possibly done to antagonize you, and the reason that you did not want to talk to me when I was going through a happy phase while you were going through your sad phase, is plain stupid. I do not know what is it that has created so much distance between us, that we are back to what we were years ago, just mere strangers on each others Facebook feeds. I am sorry, but you have truly let me down. Because according to me, no reason is good enough for just cutting ties without an explanation, without a final talk. Sorry, but you did NOT let me down when you did not show up for my wedding (yes it hurt, but it is OK, I have forgiven much worse things in my life to hold on to this one), NOR even when you promised to make up for it for coming down here (though I definitely expected a reply back to my last email), but you let me down when you simply stopped talking to me all together. I am not angry, hardly anything makes me very angry these days, but I am deeply disappointed. And I am sorry if I did do something that unforgivable. Take care.

~ Annie

P.S: I am tired of being over worked and underpaid! :(

________________________________________________________

Now Playing: All Good Things | The Weepies

Happy Birthday! :)

I cannot believe I have been blogging for FOUR years! 

My baby is big! Yayie! Have a cupcake y'all! 

Since I am in a great mood (though I do not know how many comments I will actually receive on this one :D) I feel like giving away return gifts for all the birthday wishes on my blogs behalf! :) I have made the comment section private, added anonymous users, will not be publishing any of the comments - anyone who wants a return gift handmade by me, please leave your address (you may or may not write your real name, its ok to be She/He/Ms. A/Mr. Z AND you can be from ANY continent. yes Dallas even you can wish me to expect a gift! :P) and I will courier it to you NOW! Goes without saying, all information will be completely confidential, and really I swear, I am very harmless, my handwriting is readable, and I wont send you crap! :) 

Love,

Annie.

P.S: YAYMYBLOGISFOUR! :D

UPDATE
Thank you sooooo much guys for the comments!  :D :D I will now make the comments public again, and everyone who gave me your addresses, you lovely people - Your gifts will be on the way soon! :D :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P.S: Hakuna Matata | Lion King :)

Sachin. Enough Said. \m/

Song for the occasion undoubtedly

Did you know Sachin featured in my wedding invitation? :D 

[yes, we are THAT crazy about Sachin Tendulkar]

Which reminds me I haven't shared my wedding invite on my blog yet! :D [Parents did the traditional invite, but I knew I was going to design my own wedding invite someday, with everyone asking us HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?! just adding to the need to have a personalized invite!] I designed the invite and Nutties took all the pictures used. He also made a KICKASS video version of the invite which got like a gazillion likes! :D So here - sharing some pictures.. :)

I wanted to add a "How convenient." below but Nutties thought it was kind of stupid! :P

 (I still think it would have been cute!)

It says at the bottom that I am in love with Roger Federer 

while he is a die hard Rafael Nadal fan :)

 Our list of common likes.. Isn't that a great pic? :)

 That is another really nice pic he took! 

And that book is open on the Taurus-Sagittarius page.. :D

 Haha! This was his idea! *rolls eyes*

Again a picture he took ..

One of my fav movie quotes :) 

Picture credits for the couple picture above the text 

go to my bestie and Madgaon railway station :P 

Couple of pages for the Kerala and Mumbai receptions..

Pretty awesome, I know! :D I was all crazy-bitch-mode when I was getting all this done, I think at one point I spent the whole day at the printers obsessing over whether he was cutting it right. :P I was also shouting myself hoarse at Nutties about the video that wasnt happening, and I think he almost dumped me, and then I was shouting over THAT, because it would then defeat the purpose of the invite! :D :) The night before we handed out the invites, I even dhapped Nutties ka lighter to make sure the ribbon that I used to tie the booklet doesn't fray. Yes, I get THAT obsessive about something that I create! :P

Annie.

P.S: We did a timelapse for the little book flipping the pages by itself in the video. Its awesome! :D 

___________________________________________________________

Now Playing: The Last Day On Earth | Kate Miller-Heidke 

EPIC WTF Moment In The Life Of Me!

Something so incredible happened on Holi, that I have been meaning to write about it, to spread the awareness more than anything else, but somehow just haven't found the time to do so! 

So, as some of you may know, I used to volunteer for Teach For India at a local municipal school. I used to go on Saturdays, and generally help out the wonderful TFI Fellow teachers Ritika and Namita with the second grade class full of incredibly AWESOME children! :) My third week there, I took Nutties along, and we ended up taking some REALLY great pictures there. I think we started dating the following week! :) 

In particular two pictures kinda made it big - one of a girl called Zahraa, taken by Nutties

 [It was one of the photographs selected for 

the Akanksha Foundation - Kodak 2011 calendar contest] 

and one of a girl called Sameera, taken by me 

[It was one of the pictures selected by PictoryMag 

for a showcase called 'Platonic Love Stories']. 

These both pictures were pretty much the starting point of us both taking our photography seriously. [Yes new followers, we take awesome pictures of awesome people. Like as a weekend profession. I don't even know what that means... but well you get the point.]

Now here is what happened -

At first I went - OMGWTFNOSERIOUSLYWHATTHEFCK?!?!?!?!? Then I calmed down a little bit.

We are still trying to figure out how in the world did THAT happen. What saddens me, is that the school is a complete state of disarray, Ritika has been running around trying to get some help to repair the school (The roof actually fell. While a class was on. Little children. The school is located next to a drain that always overflows. And the children still come by, to study. Doesn't that make you, even the gentle folk, really really angry?) And here is this... advertisement(?) which speaks for itself. 

Here is what you can do to help me. PLEASE spread the word. If you Facebook (its ok if you are not really active), please share this blogpost. Please tweet about this. Please blog about it, linking back to this post. All in the hopes that if someone, anyone, could tell me what I can do about this.

~ Annie.
P.S: You can reach me on icemaiden.87@gmail.com
________________________________________________________
Now Playing: Name (acoustic version) | Goo Goo Dolls

Notes To Self

I recently read a really great letter written by Tangled Up In Blue to her younger self here. I even commented on it saying, this is probably what I would have written to my younger self too! 

But yesterday evening, as I was cooking in my kitchen (I am really not very good at it, but advantage Annie - I find cooking interesting so I am eager to perfect it!), it was my first proper dinner making and I burnt the bhindi :P and Nutties came in and propped himself next to me, crowding me in our little kitchen. I told him to get out of my kitchen in a very irritated voice and to that.. well lets just say, my bhindi burned even more. :) 

So if I had to write a letter to my younger self I would be -

Dear 15-year old Annie,

I have nothing much to tell you, except that keep doing the things you are doing right now. 

You are going to make a truck load of mistakes and seriously screw up sometimes. But you know what? You are doing it all right. You will manage to land yourself into spectacularly disastrous situations but, please, keep doing that. You have so much to learn, and there is no way in hell you will be as awesome as you are right now if you didn't make all those mistakes. So yes, keep screwing up. :) They are just important lessons. And when you have had all those lessons, you will meet Mr. Right and it will be the best thing that ever happened to you. Things will work out just fine, kid. :)

Oh and a little heads up, for the love of God, learn how to cook! :P

Love,

Annie.

P.S: You already know which of the friends are going to stick it out with you, and you are right. They will share the bed with you and gossip all night long before your wedding day. It will be AWESOME! :)

So, if you had to write a letter to your younger self, what would it say? 

~ Annie.

P.S: My house looks like a hostel right now, living with a guy is annoying sometimes! :/

____________________________________________________________

Now Playing - In Loving Memory (cover) - Lena Woods

First Impressions!

Just landed at Cochin, after a grueling, LONG and weirdly jerky flight. Spicejet, you suck.

Observations.
EVERYONE seems to be wearing the lungi / mundu (whatever it is called)!!!
I think I cant wait to wear the white gold saree tomorrow - it looks so pretty! <3
There is a gajra hanging in every car! :P

And Oh. My. God. That is a LOT of coconut trees! :O :D

- Annie.
P.S: Would love to roam here with my cam, thats for sure! :)
___________________________________________
Now Playing: Kootil Ninnum | Thalavattam

A wedding happens only once, you know.

Annie.

P.S: Having put up with the suckiest of birthdays and the suckiest of new years and the suckiest of whatever other days, I never imagined that I will have to deal with it again. On my wedding. Thank you all... But really, no girl deserves this however loserly she might be.

Farewell

Dear Dallas, 

This is not easy - saying bye to you, because possibly unknown to you, you have become one of the most integral parts of my life. I know you will be back soon, but from the moment we all were shouting over the phone - you in your balcony and me in a Marks and Spencers changing room, about your acceptance letter - I have been all too aware of the fact that you will also be gone, for a good long time. I know people change over the years, distances makes cracks in relationships that sometimes no amount of love can heal, and I am scared that we will too, drift apart like all those other people. I am scared that when you come back, you will be a changed man, with other priorities, other people and other dreams than catching a 9.00PM R-City movie show or mushroom garlic sandwich at Aromas with hot chocolate. Maybe it is selfish of me, but I wish to keep you for myself and our little group. *sad smile*