May 22, 2009

Baby when did your hands grow so cold?

CAUTION: Reader Discretion Advised. Graphic words used.




Remember the first time I saw u while you played in the rain?
Remember the first time I laughed at you when you said something funny?
Remember the first time I smiled at you while in your arms?
Look at me and tell me do u see that girl anymore?


The first time you hit me I was blind,
I didn't see that it was the beginning of something that will never end,
Wore dark sunglasses and put on makeup to hide the bruises,
So people wouldn't see what you had done to me..


The first time you called me a bitch in front of my friends,
I laughed and looked away making it seem like a joke
Did you know I cried myself to sleep that night?
Wondering what I had done wrong? Y was I so imperfect?


The first time you gave me a fractured arm,
I was too numb... too blank.. to think straight,
All my friends told me to get away from you..
And all I could think how i could make up for my mistakes?


The first time you raped me I was scared,
That if I cried you wouldn't want me anymore,
Do u know I spent hours in the cold cold shower?
Washing away filth that wouldn't go away..

I dont know who stares at me in d mirror anymore
I dont know where did that bubbly smiling girl go
I dont know where the guy she feel in love with disappear
Baby when did your hands grow so cold?

A broken spirit...and a crushed pair of wings
Befouled violated body..and a numb mind..
You took and twisted me into someone I don't know
Baby when did your hands grow so cold?

-Annie.
P.S: This is a topic very close to me. I have often wondered what makes a woman stay in a abusive relationship... What is that makes her forget that she deserves better? ...Can love really be that blind?

59 comments:

mysterious gal said...

man u cdn't have described the feeling of a girl in abusive relation in a better way

Bows to u for this one

Some questions have no answers...the answers r there but only with 2 ppl....one who abuses and one who is abused...dont know when do love get mixed with hate but it does at times...Sigh

But applauses to u...u brought tears literally .....

Arnab Majumdar said...

Read it the moment I found out. Great start to the new series.

To answer the question at the end of it, love isn't blind. In fact, I don't think a situation like this would qualify to be termed as love anyway.

And a girl should never have to tolerate anything of this sort.

Keep writing, it's important to talk about things like this...

Cheers...

Karan said...

I agree with Arnab.. such a thing would not qualify as 'Love' in my view... I feel a relationship should not have any sort of physical violence at all.. I mean it beats me hw a guy can hit his own love.. his own wife...

And as far as th reasons why a guy hits his love... n why a girl takes on such shit like hitting.. marital rape n stuff.. beats me.. i dont have any answer whn u ask me th reason.. but i would really love to know the reasons... does any one have any to offer ??

And I would also like to ask one question to guys who hit girls.. hw would it feel if another guy more physically stronger than you would hit you ?? I guess the girl a guy hits by making use of his stronger body is the same.. actually much worse.. coz the girl loves him...

Excellent post Annie.. very well written.. :) .. you have touched a very sensitive topic and brought it out in a very nice way.. :) .. (I agree to 'some person' who said this to me.. you are indeed a very good writer..!! :).. )

Guys...Please don't abuse women physically.. please...

Aw.S.M said...

And now the girl comes of age..brilliant...absolutely brilliant. I m proud of u..i really am. Thats an excellent post and it describes abusive relationships to the T.

The way an abused gals mind thinks it her own fault, how it gets worse..its perfectly done. Excellent work sweety, though dark and grim..one of ur best works yet.

Truly proud of u.

Luv
Amith

DPhatsez said...

For once, I put all humour aside and salute your talent and work.
Marvellous!

And just for the record, this can't be classified as 'love'.

What a transition gurl! College day events to this!
R.E.S.P.E.C.T \m/

ABHISHEK SiM said...

i really don't know what to say. love is not slavery. love is not one-sided. then why does she still chose to stay? for society's sake?

may be i m not old enough to understand the girl.

some lines gave me goose-bumps... for a moment they made me speechless - in horror. very acute description. hats off to you.

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Nabs,
Thank u grl! Coming from u it means a LOT. N so true babes, no one has any answers other than d two ppl in d relationship... sigh.

Thanks again. Ur words made me feel lik it was worth d effort :)

@Arnab,
I cant do much, bt i can write. N dats wht i m doing, hoping someone who has /is in this shit, reads abt it and decides to pack her bags n leave. For good. :)

@Karan,
Things happen karan. U will be suprized at how many ppl go thru this everyday. they jus dont hav d guts to speak up.. a major part of it because of the humiliation.

Thanks for all d praise. (u always agree to 'some person'.. sab sach bolti hai woh. *wink wink*) :)

Cheers,
Annie. :)

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Ami,
Thanks sweety. I m nt brilliant, i do ok. I wrote what was on my mind and thats it. Thanks a LOT again. :)

Luv,
Annie.

@Philip,
Thanks a LOT!! Means a lot. :)
Cheers, \m/

@Abhishek,
Thank u! :)
P.S: Noone can really understand d girl. Its nt a matter of how old u are. :)

gargi said...

very very nice...
wonderful use of words... great feelings... it surely touched me...

love is truly blind... but really it shouldn't be itna blind that we girls forget the word self respect!

u take care..n keep writing.. :)
mwah!!!

IcE MaiDeN said...

@gargi,
Hey babes!!! thanks!!! :)
Lotsa luv,
Annie. :)
P.S: N whr hav u been? hvnt seen u ol in AGES??!!! :(

Manjari Singh said...

NO words.
there is song from sum old movie NIKAH
SHAYAD UNKA AAKHIRI HO YE SITAM
HER SITAM YE SOCH KAR HUM SEH GAYE
We women always try to look good in bad, like whenver our guyz shout at us we say " may be he is upset with something thts why he is behaving that way. May be something went wrong"
Women forget everything the moment their men smile for them and say SORRY. Such beasts dont deserve second chance, its always better to sense the early signs n get rid of them

BrownPhantom said...

Sensitive topic and handled very well in your words. The jerk is addressed as Baby ; I guess that partially explains the blindness.
Blogrolled you :).

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Manjari,
TRUST ME, i was waiting for ur comment.!!! I knew u will understand wht i wanted to say. D jerks dont deserve second cahnces, bt the women forget everythng at one 'sorry'. i know i know. sigh!
Thnks again for d comment. :)

@Brown phantom,
Yeah u got day ryt. Addressing d guy as Baby.. :) Thnk u for likin it. :)
N thnks for blogrollin me too. :) Thnks a lot. :)

Cheers,
Annie.

яノςんム said...

i guess this is int love..
when a girl doesnt oppose to the violence she is going thr in a relationship, it isnt love, it is simply fear..
she fears tht ppl will laugh on her if she says something,
she fears tht ppl wont blv her if she says sumthn,
she fears tht the guy wud grow even more violent,
love is definitely isnt there..
but really, violence isnt any form of love it is brutality..

the post is absolutely Class A. it touches and brings us face to face with reality..
D u follow Jhalak Dikhla ja btw? there was an act in it by Biachung BHutia on domestic violence.. Youtube it out..

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Richa,
So true grl!! D humiliation, d fear, d heartbreak tht leaves her disillusioned with life... maybe thts y she doesnt say anythng..

Thnks for liking d post! :)

Ki said...

I'll answer that one. Everyone thinks that any woman in such a relationship would just walk away. It's not easy. Becuase the first time someone abuses you or hits you, it erodes your dignity, your belief in yourself. And isn't that what you need to pick yourself up and walk away?

My best friend was in such a relationship for four years. I was in a relationship that turned abusive. Trust me. I know.

The Pink Orchid said...

this was drew tears.. I have seen parts of this woman in so many women I know.. and god! I got tears..:(

Love is blind, a woman needs to respect herself more, a woman thinks she is nothing without that man, a woman thinks after this man she will not be accepted in the society,
so she wears those glasses and makeup, baths herself till eternity, cries to bed.. and you know what? goes running back to him even if she gets a little smile from him after all that torture....

Arslan said...

Stunned.. Won't ruin it by trying to express how good it is..

I think such 'men' are beasts. I don't know why the woman puts up with it. The whole situation is incomprehensible to me.

Also, I would like to believe that such beasts are rare. I know most healthy, sane men won't ever do such a thing. It's up to the women to chose carefully and get away at the first sign of such deranged behavior..

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Ki,
I know too. trust me.

@Kajal,
yes absolutely right. no matter whr he does, one sorry is all it takes to get her back. strange hw these thngs wind themselves around ur heart. Thnaks for likin it.

@Arslan,
I dearly hope such men are far too few and far between. Life wud be a lot easier for a lot of women. thanks for d words.

shanky said...

sabne to sab kuch likh hi diya hai ab mere likhne ke liye to kuch bacha hi nahi hai .

only 1 thing 1 want to say...

big loud of applause :)

Miss Sunshine said...

*applauses*
it's brilliant u know dat na?
i mean, everyone knws d harsg reality, but u brought it out well,
as they say, a pen is mightier dan a sword.. :)

Pesto Sauce said...

So true....women still clamour for that security associated with marriage at the cost of dignity

Da Rodent said...

> I hav often wondered what makes a
> woman stay in a abusive
> relationship... What is that makes
> her forget that she deserves
> better?...

Well, I dont think all women do that mistake. I have seen and known many who have walked out of a marriage at the first sign of bad behaviour from the spouse. Its just that few who dont have a grip over themselves. And, there is nothing much that one can do about such people.

Amal Bose said...

definitely love is blind..
but this isnt love, atleast not from that bastard's side..
i really dont get why some girls take all this abuse in the name of love.
loving isnt all abt giving, but getting it in return too.. its not ruining your life for those who dont deserve it

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Shanky,
Hey there! Thanks!!! :)

@Appu,
Thanks babes!!
D pen indeed os mightier thn d sword. :)

@Pesto Sauce,
Yes, ur right. For a woman, being in a marriage means everythng and at the end of the priority list its her. Her children, the ppl around her, even dat husband, come first.
Thnks for visiting!!! :)

@Da Rodent,
Yes agreed. But as my dear frnd nabs said in d very first comment, noone besides the two ppl have the answer to the 'why'..
Thnks for visiting!!! :)
btw, may i ask, y r u 'da rodent'? :P

@Amal,
Thanks fr ur words mate!! once again i say, noone bt the two ppl hav d answer to the 'why'...

Adisha said...

Magically put !! I'm sorry but there was such beauty in your words that I just loved it ...

No one can understand why people put up with .... I guess it's more about the feeling of being left, and believing that you deserved it or hope that things will eventually change, rather than anything else. I know people who take sh*t from their partners and when I ask them why they do so ?? all they say is, it was probably my fault only ...or he didn't really mean to... or it'll work out ....

i don't know ... But you know ?? Abuse is not just physical. So many people stay thinking, at least he doesn't hit me ... but then the emotional trauma a person goes through by words even, needs to be addressed as well ...

Well done !!

Cheers,
adisha

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Adisha,
Thanks for visiting!!!
N u jus put in words wht was on my mind whn i wrote d poem. No one really knows why ppl stay. Maybe wid the hope that things will change. Constantly takin d blame upon themselves. Thr r a lot of maybe's...

Thanks once more, for liking my poem. :)

Cheers,
Annie.

iceprincess said...

IceP
HAIL....
that was really something....
i guess,women stay in an abusive relationship for d simple reason that they love with all their heart and cant believe that even if the world says the guy is bad..they dont wanna c that what they chose was so utterly wrong...
:(

Gigi said...

Very nice poem. Beautifully written.
Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving wonderful comment.Do visit again. Hope you had a great weekend.

Nikki said...

Perfectly put together. There are no answers to why women stay in bad relationships eve if they get very abusive.

It could be fear or the silly idea and hope that your man might change one day.

TC.

IcE MaiDeN said...

@ IceP, Gigi, Nikki,

Thank u!!! :)

Manjari Singh said...

annie. would you believe i liked this post so much that i am reading it everyday. u truely rock girl!

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Manjari,

Thanks Babes???!!!!

angel in disguise.... said...

am touched...gr8 work! n ur blog looks gr8 too...:)

IcE MaiDeN said...

@angel,
Thanks!!! :)

Da Rodent said...

@icemaiden:

> btw, may i ask, y r u 'da rodent'? :P

LOL, coz I am a rodent :P. Well, I am just hiding from google. At times I tend to rant away too much on my blog which I dont want people to get to when they are looking around google.

Gigi said...

Awesome post.You have powerfully portrayed the feelings of a abused woman.A close friend of mine has been through abusive relationship.

Gigi said...

can love be really that blind? Yeah, love is always blind. Have a great weekend.

sajith viswam said...

cheers!!!

IcE MaiDeN said...

@gigi.
thanks :)

@sajith
Cheers. :)

Quest said...

I like a Kill Bill reloaded here :)

Quest

Misty Rhythm said...

beautifully written...painstakingly, heartachingly beautiful!
i've always wondered wat makes the girl stay...fear or hope...either way it's pointless. arguments, frustrations can't go to an extent where one requires to raise their hands. moment that happens...u should know it's over. i hope all the women out there really understand that and stop trying to rectifying what can't be undone!

Shweta said...

It's my first time here, and I liked your post.

To answer your questions, I agree with Arnab. Instead of calling it love, I would call it obsession. Have you ever been obsessed with anything so much that you neglect the negative effects it has on you? And then once you do realize what's happening, you're too deep into it.

So, in the case of a woman who gets abused, she starts searching for any sort of hope (which is a mistake) and tries to hold onto that for as long as possible. Of course, by then it's too late.

So any woman who's gotten hit even once should confront the man and get it sorted out immediately (same goes for men, actually...women hit men and their lives become miserable. I kinda this kinda funny though. I guess that's because I'm not used to hearing this more often.)

•bLue-eyed sOuL• said...

wow>>>!!!....worth goin thu ur blog!!...
awesome poetry...!!
bravo!!

IcE MaiDeN said...

@misty rhythm, shweta, blue eyed soul,

Thank u for liking d poem!!! :)

bondgal_rulz said...

BRILLIANT!!!! Fuckin brilliant lady!! (Sorry, no other word could convey it better than this) ;)

Hats off to you for this one...really!!

There are reasons aplenty for the women who are in such relationships to be in them. they can be categorised into two - individual and societal.

Individual - Like many have already pointed out, hope and fear are the biggest reasons. Hope - that things will be back to the way they once were. And fear - not only of things becoming worse between the two of them, but fear of what if I let go of what I have and end up with nothing or worse, someone even worse. Stupid, I know, but true. :|

Societal - The way girls are bred in our golden country really disgusts me at times. Since childhood, we (most girls that is) are made to believe that we are the weaker sex, both in terms of physical power and societal dominancy. And the way to survive in this male dominated society is to compromise with the situation, to succumb to it. Little do people realise, that it is not the situation we compromise with, it is our self respect, our dignity, our ego, our spirit and our soul soul which get compromised in the bargain. The underlying knowledge of the fact that you'llbe shushed down before anyone can even hear you, no wonder plays its role for a woman to stay in such a shithole.

And mind you, I'm not jus talking about a relationship between a man and a woman here, it could be between a father and a daughter or a brother and a sister too!! Hmmmm...now that's got me thinking...

And damn!!! this must be the longest comment so far....sorry for blabbering....just cannot control myself when it comes to topics as these.

Once again, super post!!

Cheers

Brosreview said...

"A Broken Spirit...and a Crushed pair of wings
Befouled Violated Body..and a Numb Mind.."

These lines are soul-scarring ones! I felt the intensity of the abuse reflected in this piece. Great job! Keep writing!!!

Tabitha said...

Okie.... I officially understand wats happenin wid tis one (luckily havent gone thru it myself, but seen it happen in front of my own friggin eyes) and been helpless coz she decided to defend her man.. Love, u say, dearth of self-respect I say!!!

IcE MaiDeN said...

@isha,
wow tht was some comment!!! I so totally wht ur saying... those were the things in my mind whn i wrote this poem. Glad u liked it!! :)


@Brosreview,
Thanks!! Those are my fav lines too. :)

@Tabitha,
Glad u liked it. Thanks! :)

ani_aset said...

loved reading this one ice maiden. My first visit to your blog. It's always good to not use sms lingo, helps the reader :)..happy posting

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Ani_aset,

Hey!! Thank you for ur comment. :) will keep tht in mind while posting henceforth. :)

Cheers,
Annie.

Mugdha said...

great !
i dunno i just felt this wobbly feeling in my stomach..
i just felt i'm getting exactly what u're trying to tell..

nice blog u have here :-)

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Mugdha,

Hey there! Thanks for visiting! :)
N dear god, I hope ur not getting EXACTLY what I meant in the poem. I wouldnt wish anyone else got what I wrote there either u know...

Mugdha said...

not EXACTLY i just meant...u write well :)

A Poetess said...

I wish you allowed anonymous commenting, then could have said a lot more :P
But since you have not, to your question I can say abuses can be of different kinds, and many people can actually go through a lot of abuse, till they think its a part of life & relantionships..in my opinion wrongly!
But we all choose our own poison, life is going to end one day anyway, we can choose how to go...with a bang with our hearts breaking or riding on the waves of success...or peacefully at 70!!

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Poetess,

Hey there! Thanks for commenting :)

I removed the anonympus commenting just because of the spam *rolls eyes* :P

I know what you mean.. but sometimes in love, you think you are doing the right thing, when actually you could be way off.. Sometimes people get the strength to bear something like abuse, for the simple reason like love.. :)

Cheers,
Annie.

A Poetess said...

yes, exactly my point! ^_^
i get it, as in been there and done that, but i dont necessarily agree with it.

IcE MaiDeN said...

@Poetess,

I dont agree with it either. Not anymore that is :)

A Poetess said...

to cut to the chase, we agree..
*fist pump*

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