Do you know what it means to be... invisible?
You are nothing more than a stray fleck of dust in the evening wind. Nothing more than a tiny grain of salt in the never ending blue expanse of the ocean. Not even a face in a crowd, because no one acknowledges your presence at all. You are, but a body that amounts to nothing.
She stood in front of the mirror, watching herself. Criticizing herself. The dull lank hair framing a plain uninteresting face. Inappropriately shaped, not too tall. Not beautiful, not ugly. Just plain. Pathetically plain. Noone would give her a second glance.
Unable to fathom why she was put on this planet. What was the purpose of this life? If it didn’t matter to anyone at all, wouldn’t it be simpler to jerk the plug off it? Wouldn’t it get some attention afterall? Someone. Anyone.
She took the mirror down from the wall, watching her reflection. She stood with it for a long moment in her hands, and then threw it across the room in one fluid motion, breaking it into a myriad irregular pieces.
Now there were many people in the room. But they all looked the same.
They all looked like her.
*****************************************************
He saw her everyday. Everyday at 11.01 AM they both stepped into the same train which took them downtown for work. Everyday they went their separate ways after half an hours ride.
Sometimes a black overcoat. Sometimes long dark hair falling forward framing the heart shaped face. Sometimes held back together with the stubborn band. Sometimes with the backpack, sometimes without it. Sometimes with the white umbrella. Sometimes she would read 'Love in the Time of Cholera' yet again, lovingly smoothing out the yellowing pages of the old book as she read. Sometimes she would just sit there stare out of the window, not looking at anything in particular. She just sat there sometimes, and watched as the landscape changed with the rhythmic clank of the wheels on the tracks.
But always, always, that grey of her eyes that made his heart skip a bit. Every single time.
Dear God.. she was beautiful..
*****************************************************
She lay there in the dark, watching the shadows chase patterns over the ceiling. Thoughts chased themselves around in her head over the incessant babble of voices that just wont shut up. She had lost count of the amount of times she tried to shut the voices out, craving one moment of peace, just one millisecond of relief. But they never went away.
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello
Sometimes loneliness opens up such a deep valley of nothingness on the inside of you, that it doesn’t matter what happens to the outside of you. The scars that left their criss-cross lines on her flesh, weaving an intricate beautiful web of silver, were nothing but reminders of the sad non-existence she lived. Tattoos that told better stories.
She drew the razor sharp shard of the broken mirror across her wrist. She didn’t feel a thing. Except for that slight tinge, that curious burning sensation where the edge of the glass kissed her flesh. Tiny drops of crimson blossomed over the stark white.
Just another night. Just another lonely night. Maybe if she was lucky it would be her last.
If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
Hello
I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry
Maybe.
*****************************************************
He stood waiting at the same spot he stood everyday, at the foot of the stairs.
It was chilly today. He knew she would wear her black coat today. She would come everyday and take the same train with him, just as she had for the last seventeen months. Like always she would go take a seat across him, and never know that he spent the next half hour watching her. Knowing her in the best half hour of his entire day.
Today was the day he would finally talk to the pretty grey eyed girl. Just hear what she sounded like. Maybe someday he would gather enough courage to tell her just how pretty she looked with her hair down. Someday.
It was 10.59 AM. The train pulled into the station as always. He looked up the stairs as always. Moments that held eternities in them passed and the train pulled out of the station. Like always.
He stood there confused. She didn’t come.
That day she didn’t.
She never came for the 11.01 AM train again.
~ Annie.
P.S: There is ALWAYS someone who loves us more than we know it to be possible. Even if it’s not the person you were hoping for...
