Dec 31, 2009

And its that time of the year again...

I swear the first thing that comes to my mind on this New Years is that the year went by SO soon! It feels like just yesterday that I was changing my calender from 2008 to 2009... But its over now and there are so many things that have changed... so many things that are gone and so many that are new and are taking some getting used to... so many things have happened since...

This was the year of a lot of first's and last's...

First real, hurts-like-hell, almost-killed-me heartbreak..
Never thought Ill survive it but I DID! Thanks to 2009 for bringing this change which in turn changed a lot of things in my life..

First tattoo..
"You can do anything you want, if you only believe in yourself.."

Last trip with the Wizards...Last sem of college... seeing the Last of VJTI...
The last trip with the Wizards was just as awesome as all the other ones, but this one made everyone laugh a lot more, cry a lot more and hold hands a lot tighter because who knows when we all would meet again...

Last farewell ... Last of paperball throwing and bunking lects to go sit in the quad...
College got over after all, saying goodbye to dear friends I will never meet again was so strange... Seeing my bestest friends leave for US was even worse, for a moment there I felt so alone. But as it turns out I wasnt and life had so many goodies in store for me.

First job... First business suit and Last of those girly skirts :P
The job that I was so dreading to walk into on the 1st of July, turned out to be everyone's envy for being so incredibly COOL! :) I'm having such a great time, in my own world, on my own.. nothing really beats this feeling.. :)

First online friends..
This year saw me getting addicted to the net like never before. LOL. This place.. Blogsville.. has been so crazy and sweet and bitter and fun and... so unpredictable. It made me sad and it made me happy. I am not much of a believer in analyzing every single thing that happens, like a true engineer I just look for the end result :) which was that I made some really good friends and learnt some really important lessons :)

First walks alone... Last walks with fingers intertwined..
First feeling of being free... and independent..
For the first time in my entire 22 years of life, this year made me do things on my own, be there for myself. It was strange because I have always had someone or the other with me all the time, but it was easy to get used to, and it wasn't quite so weird anymore. Lately I think I like taking those walks alone, I like doing things that are impulsive and crazy (I can see Arnab grinning now :P) and I sure like the feeling of being so independent. I swore to myself, and I have every intention of keeping that promise, that I will never let anyone take this away from me.
Noone. Ever.

I dont know what happens in the next year, everything is unplanned. Things are hazy and blurry, I dont know exactly what I want to do and who I want to end up being.. and I think that is just fine. Things will work out in the way they want to and when they want to. Till then.. well.. rock on \m/ :)

I hope everyone else is looking forward to the new year and the surprises in store too! Wishing all of you a very happy new year! Mwah! love ya all! :)

~ Annie.
P.S: Me: "Bye bhi nai bola".. Nik (grinning): "Hi bola tha kya?" Thanks for saying :)

Dec 21, 2009

Lazy Saturday ....

I spend this Saturday having a nice chinese lunch with one of my closest friends and then strolling around out all time fav hangout - Shivaji Park. Now this friend had just got a new cam from US (and I actually mean JUST) and he was excitedly opening up the parcel while our order was on the way :) As it turns out it was one of the awesomest cam's I have ever used. We both (we play pretend couple sometimes :P) were like "Honey Im no longer in love with you, because this beauty has taken my heart away" And it DID! TRUST ME! It was the new Canon Powershot SX120 IS and its :O! Sinful! Check out the pictures at my photoblog here - SnapShots.


P.S: I have ALWAYS wanted a good cam because Im so in love with Mumbai and there are a million things to click here, but unfortunately I dont have a great cam (I have to make do with my cells cybershot :P)... I might get one soon, and then Im sure Ill need a seperate blog for all the zillion pics :P

P.P.S: Sorrrrryyyyy for the pathetic resolution, but thats the best my sucky net would allow :( :( But no matter what, I love all my pics!!!! :P :D :)

Dec 18, 2009

Its that time of the year again....

... The jingle of the bells ...

...The flickering yellow lights of candles...

... Socks hung out for Santa ...

... The smell of pine in the air ...

... Waking upto gifts wrapped in shiny gold paper ...

...and CANDIES!!! ...

... and the CHOCOLATES!!!!...

... And the sweet sound of Christmas Carols ... :)

Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child
Holy Infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace
Silent night, holy night!

Shepherds quake at the sight
Glories stream from heaven afar
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!
Christ, the Saviour is born
Christ, the Saviour is born

Silent night, holy night
Son of God, love's pure light
Radiant beams from Thy holy face
With the dawn of redeeming grace
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth

...And Christmas is just round' the corner!!!! :)

Dec 13, 2009

You never came

My eyes have lost their sleep in watching
Yet if I do not meet thee
Still it is sweet to watch ..

My heart sits in the shadow of the rains
Waiting for thy love
If she is deprived still it is sweet to hope

They walk away in different paths
Leaving me behind
If Im alone still it is sweet to listen to thy footsteps

The wistful face of the earth weaving its autumn mists
Wakens longing in my heart
If it is in vain, still it is sweet to feel the pain of longing....


P.S: I wish you knew just how much it hurts when you do something like that.

Dec 10, 2009

THANKS!!!! :)

I wrote and rewrote and yet again rewrote my Birthday Post... trying to describe how my day was.. And as you can see I didn't manage to get it quite so right :) But well that's.. er.. me :P I want to say so many things to so many people... But then words just wont be enough. So I'm going to make this as to the point as possible. This is a "Thank You" to all the wonderful people who make me wonder how in the world did I end up having one of my bestest birthdays!!!! :)

First, Thanks to Arnab who was the first person to call me and give me a sign that my sad birthday wasn't going to be sad after all!!! :P And you sang!!!!!! how AWWWWW is thatttt!!!! I cant wait to meet you and hear a live performance :P

Thanks to 'The Jerk' :P You know why. I reaaallllyyy wished you would have called me by my most favorite name in the whole world.. but oh well!!! NO thanks for the 'please!!!' during the movie. Thanks for confirming that IITians are geeks (I always knew that!) NO Thanks for making fun of my kitty-teddy *whack* and Thanks for the Rocher :) You are one of the awesomest friend I have ever had and I am so so happy that our friendship is so kickass strong! :)

Thanks to Abha & Ketki, my bestest most oldest friends. It was so wonderful meeting up with you, like it always is.. The place has quickly turned into one of my favorite places of recent times to hang out at.. I love you guys for all the years of friendship we have had.. You made my birthday truly complete :)

Thanks to Karan. I cant express just how happy he made me! It was the second time I was meeting him and he was just amazing!!! The tradition of getting a cake for my Birthday continues (I was almost convinced it was going to stop with my 21st one) I cant believe you actually got me Koki!!! (a sindhi dish that I absolutely LOVE!) Awwww!!!!..Thanks for driving from all the way across town to get me my most awesome cake, my most awesome surprise and the most awesome message :) :) :)... which brings me to my next thanks..

Thanks to Isha. omg omg omg!!!! :P I love you! *whack to Karan for sniggering as I know he is!* I cant believe how close we have become over the last months, and how awesome talking to you is.. You are truly my soul sister.. MWAH! :) and I just cant wait to meet you too.... *HUGS*

Thanks to Nik for coming home and devouring half of my leftover birthday cake! :P Thanks for the "belated" birthday party that began at 12.00 6th of Dec.. and lasted for 2 hours where we watched Tevez make the most spectacular goal, had hookah like there was no tomorrow and drove around in the chilly dead of the night... :P Thanks!! :)

Thanks finally to the couple that has been my favourite lately - Binu and Varu :) Love you guys for the gift and love you guys to make the time to meet me (Though you guys could have cut short the 'romantic walk' that resulted in you guys showing up half an hour late!! :P)

and last but not the least...

Thanks to Nikhil... For the gift!!!! OMG OMG OMG!!!! You are crazy seriously!!! I cant believe you did that!!!! Awwwwwww.... Thanks for everything. I hope you know you are one of the awesomest guys I know here on Blogsville and one of the very few people who know and accept me the way I am.. for which I am so so grateful :) Meoooowwwwwww!!! :)

So as it turns out, out of 'the list' I didnt get flowers or my bada wala teddy or the goodnight kiss... I didnt get the watch or the Apple Macbook AIR :P... But I got some really warm hugs and some really awesome surprises (one of the best of em' was Ishani calling me up and asking me Guess Who??!!! :P).. I didn't get my flawless complexion but I did get a extremely uncomfortable (because I was glaring) 'nice hair' :P I had a lot of laughs and the most wonderful friends... I didn't get the ice-cream.. I got a sizzling brownie instead :) I got my good movie (Tinkerbell and the Lost Treasure :P (If you don't know who is Tinkerbell... refer my FB display pic)).. I got my good book ("The girl with the dragon tattoo").... I missed the beach but I think the drive in the cold made the perfect ending.. :)

But NOTHING beat the feeling of having my bestest friends around me (in some strange way not even literally 'around' me but still so so close!).. NOTHING beat the feeling of.. feeling so loved. :)

P.S: I just CANT believe how lucky I am! :) Thanks all you guys!!!!!!

Nov 28, 2009

Birthday Wishlist...

7th Day from now.... wow so close!!! :) :) :)

Someone singing me happy bday in a veryyyy buttery voice at 12 in the night :)
Beautiful red roses...
Teddy bear -- badaaaa wala :)...
A pleasant suprise...
Warm Hugs...
Someone to hold my hand out of the blue...
A new Fasttrack watch...
YET another bottle of Davidoff :P...
A new cam...
Ok since this is MY list and I can dream as much as I want ... Apple Macbook AIR :P
Lots of laughter...NO tears!!! *I hav had really bad last few bdays* :(
A good movie... (n NO I DONT want to see Paa which is releasing the day before!)
A good book...
A sexy new bag...
Shoes.. :P *I can never have enuf of these :P*
Someone telling me I look very pretty...
Flawless complexion on that day atleast :P
Lots of smiles.. for no reason :)
Watching the sun go down at the beachside and hearing the waves as they come by.. *sighhhh!!*
Chocolate Chip Icecream... :)
A good night kiss that leaves me breathless...

I know none of the things I really really want for my bday will actually come true. I know that my 22nd bday is going to be just another day... just like my 21st bday. My best friends are away or busy, my crush is an idiot :P, and basically it will be over even before I realize it... and as much as I hate the sound of that I cannot do anything about it :(

But what the heck?! :P
Whats life without impossible dreams nai? :)

~ Annie

Nov 26, 2009

To the bravest daughter I have ever known,

I know you miss your Dad more than anything else in this whole world. I know you miss him everyday, and the fact that you are in an alien city so so far away from home.. from Mumbai makes it ten times more worse. I know that everyday not having him around makes you sad but I also know that knowing him better than anyone else, makes you so incredibly proud to be called the daughter of such an amazing man.

I know its been an year and there is no use trying to hide facts behind fake makeup, I know nothing has been done to the man who killed your father. You must be bitter about the fact that its taking so long, and people are actually trying to prove the bastards innocence(?). It makes my blood boil when I see that. It makes me disgusted to know that even losing their best couldnt open their eyes. It makes me sad that the best one to go was so close to us all.

Sometimes its almost like the bloodiest, scariest night didnt happen at all. The way people have moved on with their lives and how the 'city that never sleeps' is back to the everyday chaos. I remember sitting at Riddhis birthday a year ago when it all happened, and having the shock of my life seeing the scenes that unfolded before me. I remember going home when Ketkis mom dad, scared out of their wits, came to pick up us girls. I remember being shook of my sleep, waken up by my mom at 5 in the morning when all the news channels broadcasted the same news - the news of your fathers death. I can not even imagine what you must have gone through.

Most of all I remember meeting you, after years, and yet nothing seemed changed.. and seeing how strong you were through the nightmare. I saw how you held your emotions, how you never once cried, and how proud you were of your father. I saw your father in you.

Its been a year, and I know it might not seem like it with the city returning back to the noone-waits-for-anyone-here pace, but every single person in this city, not just this one, but everyone who has seen what happened, respects and salutes your father for the sacrifice he made just so all of us could be safe. I am proud to have known such a man, and Im prouder to have known such a brave daughter. I salute you Diu.

London is far, but no matter how far, remember we all always have and will always love you to bits. Miss you, come back soon.

~ Annie.
P.S: We shall never forget... and we will never ever forgive.

Nov 22, 2009

In the dead of the night...

Look. Hear. Think. Feel. Touch.
Laugh. Smile. Breathe. Dream.
Cry. Give Up. Let Go.
Hold On Tight.
Forgive. Remember. Cherish. Learn.
Make Peace.
Love. And Love Again.

Nov 18, 2009

The Crazy Ending.

Last time I talked about the beginning of my 10 day long last trip with the wizards. This time Im going to talk about our amazing end to the trip. If Im boring you with all this you can skip this and come back later :) This means sweet nostalgia for all those who were a part of these incidents.

11th June 2009'.
Location: Dining room of our hotel, Khurpatal. Breakfast time.

The CC's (Comps Chics') are sitting around at the breakfast table, having shaken of some guys after great difficulty :P (Plz! we need GIRLS ONLY timeouts) We sat there discussing WHAT is it with North Indians and Paneer, eating YET another paneer dish and also wondering how come people just dont sleep after eating a breakfast this heavy. I mean our breakfast comprises of Bournvita and Apple slices, maximum some toast, while here we were eating chole bature :P

Me: (glumly poking at my omelet) What yaar guys, the trip is coming to an end.. We didnt do anything fun..
Mona: (firing up) Oh shut up Ta!!! this IS fun!!! (narrowed eyes)
(Mona is extremely touchy about the fact that we all kept comparing the Nainital trip to the previous years Shimla trip which was like WOOOOHOOOO fun!!! She had missed it because she was down with typhoid :( so bad luck)
Me: (retracting) Ufff Na, I mean, we didnt have gossip sessions save the one that happened on the first day. We should plan something.
Mona: (still glowering a little) Like what?
Me: Lets get drunk!!!!! (enthusiastic)
Zai, Varu, Shilpa : Awesomee!!!! great idea!!! so how do we do it!!!
Zai: Didnt xyz (name changed to protect identity :P) have beer last night? Lets go ask him.
Varu : HA HA HA HA!!! lets US go ask HIM? are u mad? :P
Shilpa: (nodding) Lets get drunk.
Mona: Maybe we can ask pqr (xyz'z partner in crime) Hes floored by Zai anyway :P
Zai: HA HA very funny :
Me: Ok so done - Zai get the address of the daaru ki dukaan, in the meantime well decide the plan of action.
Shilpa: (still nodding) Yes Lets get drunk!
Rest of us: Shhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

*everyone puts head together while Zai successfully gets the daaru ki dukaan ka address. After 10 minutes of deciding all of us wear identical evil grins. :P*

We have formulated this plan - Me and Zai, will slip away from the group while everyone is shopping later that day, and go buy the vodka. Varu, Shilpa, Mona have divided amongst themselves the task of distracting the others and getting the orange juice. When asked by anyone about our absense, me and Zai have gone to buy Cheeries :P


A few hours later. Mall Road, Nainital.

Team meet . Imagine Mission Impossible music in the background.
Zai: (whispers) Should we go now?
Me: (whispers back) No its too soon now. They will notice us gone.
Karan: (Loudly) Where are you guys going?
Mona: (smoothly) To buy Cheeries.
(We beam at each other, the guys are totally confused)
Varu and Shilpa giggle and wreck the moment :P

It has been decided that we will go boating on the Nainital Lake now.We crib a lot about being in the same duck (they had duck shaped boats) and then ultimately end up in the boats as thus : Me n Mona, Varu n Shilpa, Zai n Karan. And we also decide to hold hands and make our 3 2-seater boats into one 6 seater boat... Conviniently our boats are colored orange white and green :P Soon all people on the lake start taking pictures while we scream and yell and throw water on each other, try to shoot at Anoop (CH - Comps Hunk - SELF Christened :P though we dont disagree :P) and gang with imaginary guns :P I had the distinct feeling that we were going to make it into the headlines of the local news :D

We end up having so much fun on the lake that we almost forget the mission. Its not until, people start breaking away to go buy stuff like show peices and candles (what hello? you go to a place like Nainital and buy CANDLES??!!! I simply fail to get it!) Zai and me are least interested, so we are all set to disappear.

Zai: (whispers) Should we slip away now?
Me: (whispers back) Yes about time. Where are the rest of the girls? They need to cover for us...
(looks around here and there for Mona, Varu and Shilpa.. Spots Mona a few spaces ahead, surronded by CH and his gang, Shilpa and Varu can be heard bargaining for candles (sold 20 a peice :) and shawls from like 10 blocks away :P )

Zai and me depart.
(While 'slipping away') Me: Psssttt... Na! We are goin.. to buy cherries.
Anoop: (loudly) Hey get some for me too!
*imagine glass breaking music in the background. So far this has been anything but secret :P*
Me: (grumbling) GREAT now we will actually have to buy the damned cherries!!

Me and Zai walk around Mall road and finally take a left turn that leads us to a gurudwara and a long lane full of accessories. As expected I stop at everey stall to check out stuff while Zai taps her feet impatiently..

Me: Yeh kitne ka hai Bhaiya.
Bhaiya: 100 ka hai memsaab. Aapke liye 95 mein de dunga.
Me: Kya SHOT de rahe ho! ha! 100 mein aisa 4 aa jayenge!!!
Bhaiya: (wondering what on earth does "shot" mean)
Zai: (tapping feet impatiently while trying to scan the horizon for daaru ki dukaan)

After 10 similiar instances I realise the following things :
-- Shopkeepers in Nainital should be taken to Fashion Street/ Colaba Causeway and taught MANNERS! Hmmmpphh!
-- Eitherways Im great at bargaining :P :D got 4 bracelets for 50 bucks! Yayyy! :P
-- We are LOST! :O

Finally Zai decides to ask a shopkeeper for the right directions.

Shopekeeper: (eagerly recieving us into his pinecones-showpeices dukaan) Madam aapko kya chahiye?
Zai: Yaha pe alcohol kaha pe milta hai?
Shopkeeper: Eh?Kya?
Me: Daaru? Sharaab? Kaha milti hai?
(Shopkeeper looks like he is stuck by lightening. Me and Zai shrug and give each other a look that says "wtf- who-knows-us-here-anyway?!" :P)
Shopkeeper: Aaapko kaunse type ki chahiye? Whiskey chahiye toh yaha pe mil jayegi.
Zai: (business like voice) Humko Vodka chahiye.
Shopkeeper looks tonguetied for a moment and then points us in the right direction.

Me and Zai start walking in the right direction half wondering if at all we ARE in the right direction.

Zai: (exclaiming) Oh this is it! I overheard (xyz) telling someone about this Antiquity signboard.

We turn at the corner and find ourself facing a shady daaru ki dukaan.This place has grills with LOTS of daaru on one side, 2 men inside who look like they have practised selling daaru all their life, and a CRAZY HORDE of men on this side where we stand.

Me: Errm.. Zai .. precisely HOW do we plan on getting in there?
Zai: (drawing money from the bag) You keep a lookout. Ill go buy.

(Imagine MI2 Music.)
After like 30 seconds I get bored of keeping a lookout and decide to go have a look.
The men magically clear the path for me and look at me like I have just crashlanded from Mars.

Zai: (busy arguing with the shopkeeper) Yeh 160 ka kyu hai? Aaapke paas Absolut kitne ka hai? Smirnoff ka bada bottle kitne ka hai?
Me: Buy the big bottle!!
Zai: No! You people will get all drunk and act crazy!
Me: (rolls eyes) You DO know I have had vodka before right? And so has Mona and you *snigger*
Zai: Shilpa and Varu havent so we are buying just one.
Me: Take two!!! pleaseeee!!!!

(Men have a look like their wildest dreams have come true.)

Shopkeeper: (putting out the bigger bottle) This is very cheap madam. And very good also madam.
Zai: (firmly. leaving no room for further discussion) Ek Smirnoff dedo. (a second later) Aapke paas flavoured vodka hai kya?

Men and Shopkeeper : (EH expression) ??!!

Zai: (mutters to herself) Dont even bother.
Me: (does a jig in her head)
Zai: And now we actually go buy cherries

(Calling Mona up)
Me: Where are you? We got the "stuff"
Mona: Oh yayyyyyy!!!!!!!! Errr...We are still at the same place (like 7 kms away :) We are buying candles..
Me: WHAT??!!! YOU ppl are still THERE! Ok come fast. We are like in the middle of nowhere!
Mona: Ya ya we will be there soon!
Zai: (taking the phone) Come fast. We are going to buy cherries now. Meet us here the High Court wala turning. SOON!
Mona: ya ya.. well be there soon.

Me and Zai begin the walk uphill, looking for cherries (which we did get) Orange juice (which we got after a LOT of searching) and Soda.

I stop to recharge, and make an ISD call that finishes off all my balance. Im grinning as I walk towards the spot we were going to wait. And realise people are looking at us in a weird manner. It is SHIT cold and getting wet in the Nainital lake is making me freeze double bad. It doesnt help that the lamp overhead isnt working, people practically STARING at us, even stopping on the other side of the road, and Zai happens to dislike navycut.

Finally Zai calls up Ron and Anoop in a frantic voice demanding they come and rescue us. After a long wait of almost half an hour we see the two hunks come jogging uphill and the rest of the idiots folllowing them from behind. They come and like nice guys take off their windshis and give to us and shoo away all the rowdy people who had accumulated there.

Back in the hotel room.
Around 12.00 AM.

Everyones nicely dressed in warm cozy clothes after having taken a hot water bath which feels like heaven, I shoo the people out of the room for a while and have my own timeout, Varu comes in just as I was resting idly switching channels between MTV and VTV. Lying beside me she says 'Lets rest for a while and then we will get drunk'. I agree and close my eyes.

The next thing I know is that Im opeing my eyes to our last day in Nainital. I wake up and realise yesterday night everyone was too exhausted to touch all the maal we got!!! :P

I walk over to the bathroom grinning as the others are just waking up to me singing 'I love you.. Im not gonna crack...' :D (Thats Lithium - Nirvana incase you didnt know :P)


P.S: We are probably the only girls for whom the process of BUYING alcohol was more fun than actually having it (which we did the next night! :D).

P.P.S: Thresholds of getting drunk :
Zai is drunk if she is throwing down JOKERS while playing RUMMY :P
Mona is drunk if she is dancing like mad, jumping up and down on the bed, to "Kyaaaa huaaaa joooo Larrrriiiii chooootiiiii..."
Varu is drunk if she is screeching "Theres something in my haiiirrrrr!!!!"
Shilpa is drunk if she is demanding more shots in high pitched voice.
Annie is drunk if she is pointing to everyone present and saying 'youuuu areeee drunkkkk!!!! I ammmm nottttt drunkkkk'!
(in my defence this is the rest of the CC's description of me. I DONT get drunk even with 7 neat shots down and I have people who will vouch for that! HA! :P)

Nov 17, 2009

A Chat.

*pulls at hair in frustration*

Calm down wild child! Take a deep breath. Yes thats good. Now talk.Why are you so upset? What is it that is making you so miserable right now? And what can be done to make you happy?

He makes me happy. And he makes me sad. Jerk! *grumbles*

Stop kidding yourself, be serious. What do you want?

Can I say him? *please?*

Annie. Serious.

Ok. O.K. Ohkay!
I am happy with my life. I like it the way it is, I love my job and I love my friends. Sometimes I dont love myself, but thats ok, because I have friends who make up for all that lost love. *trailing away* Actually come to think about it.. its not that bad. Infact Im awesome!! I love this. What am I doing???!! I should be partying!!! Woooohooo!!! *gets crazy*

You can fool everyone. You cant fool me. You can lie and create this beautiful illusion of everything so perfect and everything so 'awesome', a dream like place where everyone is happy with their life and noone has any problems. But you know I see through all of it. You are always fixing things and you always want to make everything happy around you and least on that list is you. Tell me Im wrong.

*looks here and there*
Errr... Ok now this is getting heavy-duty. I HATE heavy-duty talking and you know that right?

You hate seriousness, the reality. You hate facing situations you rather run away from.

No! NO! *throws a shoe*

Why are you still friends with him? When you know its hurting you to know everyday, every moment that he cant be more than what he is?

*defiant now*
Because he makes me happy. Fullstop. Stop glaring at me you idiot. He really does. Talking about the silliest of all things and laughing about the lamest of all jokes, makes me happy! Dont you see?? Only I decide who makes me sad, and because he is so important to me that he has that right. Its ok. Ill grow out of it.

You have to let him go. You cant make people stay when they dont want to. Having feelings for someone who doesnt have them back is a path for nothing but hurt and you know that.

I cant.

You can, its just that you dont WANT to right now. You have to allow yourself to make the difficult choice. It will hurt but it will be fine after a while. Atleast you get to keep a wonderful friend. You have to let him go, let the feelings you have for him go. Put them away, erase, format your head.

Dont rush me. I will do it in my own time. I will be fine. Stop fussing over me like I was a kid or something!!!
And you know that forgetting aint happening. Anytime soon atleast.
*narrows eyes*

But dear girl, you are a child. You dont see that loneliness is going to catch up with you, no matter how hard you run. It is going to come and find you no matter how much and where you try to hide.

I have friends who will never let me be lonely.

You can be surrounded by a crowd and still be all alone. You that very well dont you? And you know there are only 2 people in the world who know when your faking it all. And its yourself and me. You cant fool me and you have to come back to me at the end of the day. What will you do when you will look around and find noone but me?

Ill deal with it the day it comes ok?
Let me continue in my bliss till that day comes and right now,

P.S: Oh dear lord!! Im not even 22 and I already have MPD!

Nov 14, 2009

Why is blogging SUCH a big deal?

Disclaimer: If you are my friend, you know Im ALWAYS honest, sometimes really really brutally so. So if you are reading this and think, holy crapp shes talking about me, hell yeah Im talking about you... and considering its me, we might have already had this chat before. But eitherways, dude/dudette... you know what what Im saying and you know what you ought to change, right? :D

Ok so let me start from the beginning.

It was way back in somewhere March 2008 when I decided to start my own blog. My reasons were simple. Third year was getting a lil boring, had too much free time, wasnt getting much basketball because I was blissfully in love with a guy I wanted to brag about, and most importantly I thought I write decent enough. There were a couple of friends who had their blogs, and the whole idea sounded real cool. So I called up a friend (who if I remember correctly was in the middle of either his CAT class/tronix lecture :P) and asked him to guide me through starting my own space. I remember sitting over there and going to the post editor and writing up whatever came into my mind (my very first post) and thus whitelilyz started.

When I told my other friends that I blogged, suddenly everyone wanted to blog. I saw a lot of people starting to blog that summer. While some of them barely even lasted the monsoon, some of them are now amazing bloggers with really good posts. Im glad Im one of those who stuck it out.

A while back I was involved in an online spat with two girls(bloggers) who had barely known me, something related to the blog. The spat ofc doesnt matter, but what matters is how stupid people have turned this whole idea of blogging. And recently when I was talking to a dear friend who I think is a lil delusional about the whole blogging thing, was like the last straw. I knew I wanted to write about it and so here I am with my thoughts.

For every single blogger who is reading this post, please tell me why do you blog? Its a simple question that should ideally have a simple answer. But dont answer when you know that your answer isnt 100% true. Ill tell you what my answer is. I blog because this place is my time out. I blog because I want to write, and wth, I dont care if its a literary masterpeice with a gazillion GRE words or some rant in sms language. I want to blog because it makes me feel better when Im going through a shitty time and there are people who say, "Join the club mate! :)" because they KNOW what Im going through. I blog because writing makes me feel like I matter.

So, why is it that I hear about how many comments are there on a particular post or the amount of people 'following' you? Why is it that people make friends here that sometimes dont turn out that well? Why is that blogging isnt... blogging anymore? I mean hell its turned into college!!!! Theres a popular girl cheerleader/boy jock (blog with like 1653 followers!!!), there are the underdogs who say something good but noone listens (great blogs that are not 'followed'), some plain airheads (blogs that absolutely make no sense.. which according to me are trying to try to fit into someone else mould), some shy people (blogs that are deep and thoughtful but again noone 'follows')... Guys, didnt we have like ENOUGH of college already??!!!

I have an amazing number of followers displayed mast mein at this right hand corner but hardly even 10% of them actually read what I write. For reasons as clear as my previous statement I follow only those people who I genuinely like to read, and NOT simply because they are following me. What has your blog come to? Isnt a blog supposed to define who you are? Maybe someone who you are at the innermost level, some thoughts some feelings, something fiction even which you WANT to write. Why are there rules on how and what should be written? And why is it that this has turned into people blindly going to some poor suckers comment secion and picking some random line from a post that they didnt even read, put it in quotes, and say 'Hey dude come check out my blog now!' I mean people!!! HELLO!!! What is this? some stupid advertisement? what are you trying to sell? yourself? If it is so, then please reevaluate!!! N.O.W!

This isnt supposed to be a rant. I want some people to know that just because you dont have a single comment it doesnt mean that noone reads you. Its a taken fact that if you have something read-worthy to say people will read. How many comments and how many followers dont matter. People say 'No Annie, it doesnt matter to me', but dude/dudette, seriously??? I dont think so. Just WRITE. Because that is ALL what a blog is supposed to be. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Thanks. Please unfollow me if you dont like what I write. Ill respect you a lot more that way instead of you following me just for the heck of it. Please go back to your blog and think about why you blog and then stick to it :) And all those who I follow,I may not comment on every single post of yours, but I dont care even if I'll be the only person in the stupid "list of followers" *rolls eyes* but I will read you till as long as you write. Promise. :)



P.S: Im very velli, do you mind if I do more tags???!! :P :D (I promise I'll have mast mast answers)

Nov 8, 2009


I was tagged by Niks ... and since I have nothing better to do on a lazyyyyy sunday night... :P :D

Respond and rework – answer these questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own, and add one more question to the list. Then tag eight or ten other new set of people.

1.What is your current obsession?
-- Microsoft Silverlight (I realise I sound VERY lame)
-- SQL (even lamer I know) :D
-- Old songs I had not heard for ages - MLTR, Savage Garden, BSB, Westlife, ABBA, Six Pence None The Richer, and the list actually goes on and on.. :P

2. What are you wearing today?
My fav PJ's and old tee that says BITCH :P oh wait, add a grey, incredibly warm, sweatshirt to that.

3. What’s for dinner?
Egg Curry!! MY FAV! :)

4. What’s the last thing you bought?
Hmmm, new Catwalk shoes, a new top from shoppers (which as my mom yelled at me I wont be wearing to office anyway :P), 2 books - 2states & The other side of the moon.

5. What are you listening to right now?
One of my all time fav - One last breath - CREED

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
Adorable, Sweet, Sex maniac :P, Chindi, Ullu, Duffer :P wait forgot, Lovable :)

7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
Prague/Florence/Holland/Rome/penthouse in Chicago.

8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?
Glares.. Suntan lotion :P.. Summer dresses..

9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
IITD to whack a few people, Oracle - Hyd to go first whack, then give one tight hug, and College Quad just to .. reminisce... :)

10. Which language do you want to learn?
Bengali because I think it sounds very sexy.

11. What’s your favourite quote?
Lolz. MANY. For futher references refer :D
My latest favourites are : *drumroll*

If JAVA actually had a garbage collector, the program would delete itself upon execution! (Yes I hate JAVA THT much :P)

Microsoft is NOT the answer. Its the question. The answer is NO! :P

UNIX is simple. It takes a genius to understand its simplicity - Dennis Ritchie.

The problem with troubleshooting is that sometimes trouble shoots back! :D

If at first you dont succed, call it version 1.0 *ROFL... so TRUE man!!* :P

Ok enough, people are getting bored..moving on.. :D

12. Who do you want to meet right now?
Ahh!! many people.. my friends who I havent seen for ages, a certain someone Im so totally crazy about, my best friend who is a lil confused about life right now and probably needs me a lot, some of my blogger friends with whom I share such incredibly deep connections with.. Lots of people... :)

13. What is your favourite colour?
You dont ask a artist which is her favourite color. They all are favourites :)

14. What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own closet?
My fav blue jeans and my fav black top :P lolz that was so vague :P

15. What is your dream job?
Dream? Well here I go - Anchoring 1000 places to see before you die/ Nat Geo Photographer/Teaching kids :)

16. What’s your favourite magazine?
Nat Geo, Cosmo, Seventeen :P, Vogue (yes my parlor wali keeps them :P yes she is very expensive :P), ME , DIGIT

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
Clothes, Books, Clothes, shoes, Clothes, food, and more Clothes :P

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
Wearing mismatched colors. *ugh!*
Glittery clothes in broad daylight! :O who does that??!! seriously WHO does that!
Mismatched shoes :P
Wearing clothes that are one size too small. They dont do anything for you trust me.

19. Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?
SRGay :D

20. What kind of haircut do you prefer?
See I have long curly tresses, so I like a cut that keep them all disheveled tumbling around my shoulders. :)

21. What are you going to do after this?
Sleep! Monday tomorrow. Busy week ahead.

22. What are your favorite movies?
MANY! To name a few - A walk to remember, Serendipity, Forrest Gump, Pursuit of Happyness, Dirty Dancing, Step Up 1&2.

23.How many tabs are turned on in ur browser right now?
Baapre! You really wanna know???umm.. 14 :P

24. What inspires you?
My friends who just wont give up on me :)

25. Give us three styling tips that always work for you.
Be Honest. No matter who it is/whatever situation.
Keep your promises. Dont make ones if you know you cant keep them.
Never fake emotions towards anyone.

26. What do you do when you “have nothing to wear” (even though your closet’s packed)?
Go shop for more!!!! DUH! :P
Sometimes, since desperate times call for desperate measures, so go mix n' match :P

27. Coffee or tea?

28. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?
I write! Seriously, I'll weave it all in some story, or rant, or be cryptic and write codes! :P
Then go listen to awesome music, talk with a few friends and Im all done! :) happy happy again! :)

Actually theres Plan B too if this doesnt work :P
--Get in bed wid my fav PJ's, popcorn, pull the curtains and have a movie/season's marathon :P :D
--Next get out of bed, go SHOPPING! Always works. :P :D

30. Which other blogs do you love visiting?
Can I be narcissistic and say ME! :P Ok kiddin kiddin... Areee! I cant choose! I like them all. I will follow you only if you have something good for me to read. :) So all those who I follow.

31. Favorite Dessert/Sweet?
I dont have a sweet tooth at all, save a few chocolates, so Ill say Rocher. Its my weakness :P

32. Favorite Season?
Monsoon. Hands Down. You cant stay in Mumbai and NOT fall in love with the rains :)

33. If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?
I cook(?) awesome omelets. So maybe that with toast and butter :P

34. What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?
Neglect. Detach. They dont matter anymore. Hating them or trying to hurt them back wont help so dont go down that way. Peace! :)

35. What are you afraid of the most?
No longer being important to all those people who are important to me. Fading away without a trace. It scares me to be forgotten.

36:What brings a smile on your face instantly?
When Im thinking about him (my friends would chorus here: ALL THE TIME) Awesome! So I smile all the time :D

37:What makes me the most sad?
I am happy most times, so getting sad is once in a while, once in a blue moon activity, that I absolutely HATE! ... I'll say refer last post :P *sigh!*

38: (Changed question) One random thing about you :D
Im such a talkative person but sometimes when I dont want to talk to anyone, Ill put my headphones on and pretend like Im listening to music. Totally ignore people :D True Story. :P

39: (New Question) Which hand of yours do you like more? The right one or the left? Why? (You cant ask me to add a question and expect it to be sane one ok? :D)
Right! Because of my tatttoooo!!! :D

And I tag...Noone, because I know noone likes to do tags anymore. Bleh! :P

P.S: Im really velli I know :P

Nov 7, 2009


This is probably the craziest phase of my life. I mean this is the craziest as it has EVER got.

Ok get this. I get hit on like atleast 5 times in a day. My best friend is falling for me and I dont like it because it means losing a part of my ownself someday. My other best friend wants to rekindle some wayward sparks that flew back in like 2003!! On top of that, I get the LAMEST pick up lines possible. I mean it DOESNT help if you cant speak proper english and on top of that you try asking a girl out. : Ask in hindi its allright. (ofc youll get a no anyway if you reek of bad perfume : )

And what is the worst part of this? That Im such a pathetic loser. I mean who, WHICH crazy girl in the world would still like someone who doesnt like her back? WHO continues to like the idiot whos probably having a good life minus her? WHO I ASK WHO??? Which utterly useless no kaam dhanda loser would do something so cruel to her own heart!!!! I need a whack seriously! : And on top of all that when it doesnt matter a rats ass to him about all the flirting and all the hitting on... not even me joking about picking one out of the herd of crazy people... it just makes me mentally kick myself for being such a fool. *kicks herself* Sometimes I feel like... crying! I mean ya actually I just feel like sitting and bawling... but if theres anything I hav learnt from my past, a tough girl keeps her shit in line and holds her head up and fakes a smile even when she is breaking inside. And thats what I do.

Its less than a month for my birthday and Im least excited. I pretend to be excited and pretend like Im waiting for it, but the fact is Im dreading it. I hate knowing that its my birthday and Im just going to be alone... I just hate it. *sigh!* Im ranting right now Ill probably be all nice and cheerful tomorrow, but right now Im feeling so frustrated! And so fcking close to tears!!! ARGH!

P.S: Dont tell me its ok, Dont tell me it will be fine because it wont be, Dont say anything. I just wanted you to listen. So thanks.

Oct 27, 2009


"What hurts the most ... was being so close"
- Rascal Flatts

I had not expected a lot of comments on my last post. Infact I had not expected any comments at all.. maybe hysterical phonecalls :P *which I got*, some super angry yelling *which also I got*.. Least of all, I had expected the object of my affection to come here, read the post, knowing its for him.. and well... dying in utter shock :P Ok jokes apart, since I think my readers have a right to know, how far along am I in my miserable love story, well, the news is... that there is NO story. Anymore. *sigh!* Well heres what happened..

So a lil birdie told him to go see my blog because the latest post 'was meant for him'. This was done apparently because I will never tell him the same myself, which is probably as close to the truth as it is. So anyway he came, he saw and he refused. *sad smile* No, it isnt the girl in question but the scars run deep *which I dont quite believe true, its probably the safest way to say no and not hurt me* and yes, we still remain friends *which also looks quite bleak anyway* So all in all its one big mess.

Im not the sort of person who has flings. Definitely not the kind to like someone and forget that soon. In his own words Im supposed to have no expectations and as strange as it may sound, I have absolutely none. Lolz. Im weird I know. But then again, I cannot, simply cannot forget what I feel for him. And the stupid duffer still makes me smile. Even now when conversation is down to a bare minimum. *bangs head on desk and wails loudly* :P

So after a miserable 2 days, I was brooding *myyyy gawwwddd!!!! it SO doesnt become me.. sheesh!* and thinking about stuff. I realised that Life is such a strange thing. It doesnt wait for anyone.. anything. No matter what you do.. maybe something good... or something bad.. it always gives you a new day. A new chance. You get hurt and it gives you time.. to heal all wounds, to help you reclaim your happiness. You wish for a lot of things in life, some of those wishes end up coming true... and some, well they dont. Maybe that is the best way to it all. I may not make any sense, but thinking about that made me a lil bit calmer.

And the best part of Life is that it gives you people that are just perfect for you. To hurt you, to teach you, to make you stronger and a few special ones to strip you down to your truest self. I have had them all. I have the bestest friends in the whole world. People who care for me so much that me being upset makes them call me 10 times in a day to make sure Im not thinking too much. Thanks you guys! :)

Another good thing about life is how it gives us little small sized suprises. How you sit at office, upset because you so desperately like someone while that person may not even talk to you as before ever again, brooding about life but putting up a happy face because thats how people like to see you.. and then the popup appears.

'You have 1 new mail'

P.S: More on that mail later. *creates mystery and leaves with a grin on her face*

Oct 23, 2009

Nuts about you...

I wish I could tell you how crazy Im about you..

I wish I could tell you that your feather-light touch on my hand, as you fingered my tattoo, oh-so-softly, made tiny electric currents run down my spine... no touch had ever felt so intimate...

I wish I could tell you that.. no, I dont get butterflies in my tummy whenever I talk to you... nor do I imagine seeing a future with you.. the sort of things you do generally... but I know that talking to you makes my insides fill with a warm feeling... and I m still wondering WHY I always always smile whenever I hear your voice.

I wish I could tell you that I think about you every day.. every second.. N all my friends have to do is to turn and catch me smiling to know you are on my mind...

I wish I could tell you that it makes me incredibly happy to be one of your closest friends, while each second I wish I could be someone more than that..

I wish I could tell you it makes me bitterly jealous to know you have been out with her, but happy too, because well.. atleast someone out of the two of us is happy... so what if it isnt me... *sad smile*

I wish I could tell you that you talking about her making my heart clench in a way that makes it difficult to breathe.. you talking about being confused.. might not mean anything to you or her... but it hurts me like someone was physically hurting me... because it means she's still there in a place I can never fill...

I wish I could tell you that when you talk about never wanting to get hurt that way again.. I feel like telling you I promise I will never hurt you ever.. look at me..

I wish I knew all the answers.. I wish I could ask you all the questions...

Like an utterly foolish person I wish someday you would turn and hold my hand and say Im nuts about you too.. *sighh!!!!*

Why dont I say all of that?..

Well maybe because.. I know I will never mean as much to you as she does.. maybe because I know you will never hold onto me as you did for her...

maybe because.. she is so near... whereas Im so so far..

maybe because... I am afraid. Of losing you. Because you being in my life, even if just as a friend, means much much more to me than you will probably ever know.

maybe because.. I am just afraid.. no reasons.. just scared totally out of my wits..

maybe might never have thought of me in that way.. maybe never will...

maybe because.. I am probably the last person you might ever think about in that way.. simply because Im so plain.. nothing about me is even the slightest bit interesting.. *sad smile*

maybe because there might be a millions girls nuts about you.. and Im just one random person in the crowd for you...

P.S: I'm so totally NUTS about you...

Oct 18, 2009

Mindblowing Welcome - III

The guys who have come in are very drunk and immediately the guys form a protective circle around us. :P Drunk#1 takes one look at the open vending machine, the coke in Deepaks hand, and looks like hes going to have a spasm :P Drunk#2 is a wimp of sorts who obviously looks up to & acts like he follows all instruction by Drunk#1.

Drunk#1 quickly summarises the issue at hand in his own words - we are the drunk youngsters *which we were NOT!!!*, who decided to stay back in the dining hall when everyone else has gone back to their rooms *we were FORCED to stay there because of the freaking hail!!!* & we decided to vandalize the hall.. *rolls eyes* :

Comes next is the most hilarious convincing game we have ever played :P
Drunk#1 : Yeh dekho yeh diwal, aap logon ne todd ki (accusingly) Look here, you people have broken this wall.
Pratik : (calmly) Humne nai todi baba, dekho yeh darwaza, hawa se yeh zorse takraya aur diwal ki frame ki wajah se toot gaya.. We didnt do anything, because of the wind, the door slammed into the wall & it broke because of the frame.
Drunk#1 : (vehemently) mereko c****** mat banao. main engineer hu!!! dont make a fool of me, im an engineer
Gulshan: (even more aggressively) Aree toh hum kya hai? Hum bhi engineers hai!!! Accha aisa hai toh aap diwal todd ke batao!!! :P :P :P Then what are we? We are also engineers. if it is indeed so the break the wall & show me!!
Deepak & Pratik hurry toward to calm down our Batinda ki sikhni :P

Next these people go into a half an hour worth of lectures which started at kharab quality of cement used for building the wall and ranged over the entire Mechanics we learned in 1st year, & finally ended when Drunk#2 took the discussion to deeper waters when he spotted the coke bottle which was STILL in the idiot's hand! *rolls eyes*

Drunk#1 : yeh coke toh aapne churayi haina??!!! chori toh ki hai!! You have stolen the coke!!
Everyone looks here & there, wondering how to get out of this.
Deepak says: Haan toh yeh to maine li hai, toh aap merese paise le lo.... Main subah dene wala tha paise, yaha pe koi nai tha... he finishes rather lamely :P I have taken it, so take the money from me, There was noonbe here I was going to give the money in the morning.

After half hour of convincing , during which the storm calmed down to a slight wind & occasional lightening, we girls started getting really bored of the whole drama, Shilpa enquired (its around 1.30 in the night) is there any chicken left around here??!! :P , in true wizards style, we even took a few pics here & there, people posing & all, while Pratik & Deepak (the CR's of the class btw :P) sorted out the whole matter.

Finally after a long Bollywood like eventful night, we set out from the dining hall, its still dark, but there is no hail, its cold & my wet clothes are making me shiver like mad.. & then me & Pranita spotted something that made us shreik. The guys came running forward, anxiously looking at us, expecting some exclamation like "snake!" or "tiger!" lolz. As it turns out, the wind had shook up the mango trees all over the hotel area & the ground was strewn with kairi's (raw mango). And as expected me & Pranita went mad, running in opposite directions gathering up the mangos as if they were made of gold :P

We reach our rooms, & its starts to rain again. Deepak is disappointed his Bollywood fantasy didnt come true, and to cheer him up *wink wink* we invite him up to d girls room :P He, as expected, jumps at the chance, actually going in his room to check his hair & dab some perfume. lolz :P We trudge up to the CC's room (my room) where we throw the guys out & get changed of the wet clothes & the girls crib about how they are running out of night suits & then claiming my extra ones :P (I had 5 of them... what??!! I ALWAYS carry unneccsary stuff.. lolz Im a girl!! :P)

We go to the adjoining room, where a dumb charades session is already on the way. I go join Nik's team & take advantage of Mundu in the other team by giving movies like "syed abrahim ko tsunami se daar lagta hai" :O *we always give such crazy home productions :P* where Mundu hits the people sitting in the front row while depicting the word Tsunami *apparently this signifies destruction, hence he hit people :O :P :D* At last they get the movie *rolls eyes*. Nik is even more shana, he has invited signs for Biology, Physics & Chemistry (because we normally give complicated words from these subjects :P) & so we quickly get all the movies :P People start falling asleep & the Deepak proposes to shift the game to his room *in a come-hither-sultry voice* we throw pillows on him (and I think we even threw Rahul ON him) and shut him up :P

The dumb charades continued for hours, laughing & joking & dancing. We absolutely LOVED the first day of our 10 day trip, & at 5 in the morning, we girls retire to our rooms & another session starts - GOSSIP!!! :P :D :D the details of which I obv cant give here. :P We finally slept when the first rays of dawn started to creep into the room.

Morning revealed more secrets from the night. The funniest of which is this : Yogi had put this clothes in the evening to dry out on trees in the lawn *why would ANYONE do that!!! sheesh!!! :P* & during the storm all this clothes flew away & were found miles away from the original spot. But very strangely his underwear was in the same place. Making us all wonder, how can jeans fly away but not underwear!!! This provided the source of "IronMan Underwear" & "Yeh andaar ki baat hai" jokes all through the remainder of the trip...


Damn I miss the awesome days! *sad smile* :)


Oct 11, 2009

Mindblowing Welcome - II

We run to the dining hall that is dark and empty, but thankfully open for us to take shelter from the cold rain. The wind chimes make the most beautiful sounds as the wind kicks up a strom, trees and leaves swaying like they were made of paper. Shilpa and I are overcome with excitement as we get drenched to our skins in the cold harsh rain. We all stand on the front steps, reluctant to go in, take shelter because right then in the darkness, with not a single soul in sight, this was turning out to be quite some night.

Half of us are getting wet when some cold and INCREDIBLY heavy lands on my head. I give a howl of pain and squint up and realise that it was ice. Its raining HAIL!!! Cussing and howling we run into the hall, as big huge hailstones droped from the sky. The echoing sound in the darkness sounded like gunshots. The door refused to stay put and kept banging against the frame. We all wondered what to do next. It looked like we were stranded.

Pratik, Deepak and I try our engineering heads to somehow attach a big spoon used earlier in the night to serve chicken, to hold the door in place. After few miserable attempts we finally manage to shut the door. We all gather near the door, talking excitedly (my head injury all forgotten :P) All too soon, thanks to deepak, a Bollywood like situation was envisioned, with a group of young enthusiastic idiots forced to spend the night in a room togther as it rained (hailed) outside with no escape in sight. Maybe some singing and dancing (again thanks to deepak :P) Maybe some Bhoot ki kahaniyan. Our excitement knew no bounds. So its decided that we gather up some chairs and get cosy.

Deepak in his enthusiasm has gone to the Coke vending machine and finds that it is unlocked. So smartass decides its a awesome thing and grabs a coke and turns to us yelling 'Hey guys look at this!!!' Some of us are overjoyed and step towards the machine.

Then two things happened at the same time.

As our backs are turned towards Deepak, one huge hailstone comes and crashes right on the door glass. And a big crack runs right across it, it dislodges the spoon and with full force the door does a 180, sweeping over where we were standing exactly 2 seconds ago, and bangs on the wall. And large peices of the wall come crashing down.

For a split second noone moves a muscle.

Before we could make some sense of the broken door, the fast crumbling wall and the coke in Deepaks hand, two big burly men, also very drunk, come pushing into the room. They looked like they were the people in charge and boy oh boy, they did NOT look happy at all!

To be continued....

Oct 8, 2009

Mindblowing Welcome - I

5th June 2009' .. Late evening..
Jim Corbett National Park.

The Wizards have finally reached Hotel Nirvana in Jim Corbett National Park after a long drive from Delhi, which was like a burning furnace. The heat has made us all tired as hell, and reaching our destination has made us all heave a sigh of relief. The hotels name puts Varu in a Nirvana song singing spree and she cant get enough of "Lithium". I m tired and hauling my BIG bag upstairs to our 1st floor room, has me wheezing for breath. The room is small but cosy, with a balcony overlooking a nice lawn. The sight of the AC makes us all go "Ahhhhhh" as we fall onto the bed, and for a while noone moves a muscle. We quickly discover something strange in the electricity system around the place. The AC being on means everything else goes kaput (weird i know) We refused to turn off the AC even for a second so we had to take showers in the dark. Since I take the longest time, I m the last one to freshen up. I start to feel human again after a cold water bath (singing "come as you are" in d bathroom) and I make my way alone to the dining hall which is at the end of the hotel grounds. After a good dinner of chicken (Ahhh) and YET another paneer dish, we make our way to the edge of the swimming pool and everyone takes up some seat, in chairs, loungers, and sunbathing chairs..

The sky is the color of ink, its getting colder, and as we are lounging there, some people decide to go catch up on some sleep. The CC's (me n my girlies) and few other wizards are reluctant to go, cz the breeze feels amazing. We sit there talking and joking, laughing and planning the next day. Suddenly, there was a flash at the horizon, and everyone sighs in relief. FINALLY the rains were going to make an appearance. Shilpa argues that it wasnt lightening, someone was taking pics and that was the flash. That has us rolling in laughter around the pool side. :P Soon enough, she is proved wrong, as the storm builds up, throws purple flashes of lightening across the cloudy sky. Everyone abandoned the idle chit chat, and gathered around the far side of the pool, sitting on the stone floor on the side of the pool, and watched the lightening as it progressed across the sky. The wind was catching up, and soon a dark cover of cloud covered up the entire sky. The lightnening was so strong, that it seemed that we could reach out a hand and touch it. It was intimadating and fascinating us at the same time. Everyone watched mesmerized.

Each flash more stunning than the last, had us getting up to our feet. Everyone switched off their cells and talks veered towards "What if we got stuck by lightening". Some enthusiastic people even start with "What causes lightening?" (Engineers through and through :P *rolls eyes*) When we thought that nothing could get more beautiful than this one, another flash ripped across the sky, proving us wrong. And then something happens that made us all give one collective gasp. The lights go off and we are plunged into total darkness.

The clouds gather up right above our heads and the winds start gathering force.. The lightening being the only source of light within miles in sight, every odd second it threw ghostly silver light on us. There was a jungle full of wild animals on the left side of us and a river flowing somewhere at the backyard. It was difficult to make out where the howling was some animal or the wind. It literally gave me the goosebumps to be standing there in the pitch black, excited and spooked at the same time, not knowing what will happen next. Then it starts to rain.

The lightening flashes again, the wind builds up so much that chairs start flying around, and we are running for cover from the sudden rain. The rain came suddenly, with full force, raining fat drops of cold water, that actually hurt. People hurry from the poolside, some people take leave now, a huge storm now very apparent. A few of us decided to stay on. CC's, King and Queen of hearts, Pak, Pooja, Karan run towards the now empty dining hall. I m the last one to walk away from the poolside, bcz the cold cold rain on my face feels so right. The rain falls on my face, feels like its washing away all that there was to do away with. There was so much going on in my mind before I left for this trip.. and suddenly for the first time in ages it seemed, I feel free. I feel happy.

It felt like it just couldnt get better than this.

Little did we know that the night was just beginning...

Oct 2, 2009

100. Final Goodbye...

This is it. I have made it so far and me making it through today proves it that Im over you. This is my final goodbye. And its been such a long journey.

This day has meant so much to me for these last years. The 2nd of every month has meant so much to me. Everything that happened in the last years has meant so much to me. Words will never describe what I went through when we broke up. I never thought much of myself anyway, and least of all I imagined that I will ever be able to survive without you. I couldnt believe it for a second that I will ever go through one day, one moment without you. That was how much I loved you.

I never thought Ill be saying this, but its true, as I have spoken nothing but the truth out entire relationship, that, you dont mean anything to me at all. I do not love you anymore. You are a memory of something - not good not bad, nothing that can be defined in a word or two - that happened to me in the past. Like everything happens for a reason, you happened for a reason too. And the reason for just for me to realise that I am the toughest girl I have ever known. Damn right yeah! :)

This day symbolises NOT years ago, telling you I love you in the middle of that beautiful empty basketball court anymore. It doesnt mean waiting every month for you to remember. It will not ever mean loving someone so much and so deep that others can only just imagine. It doesnt mean Gomantak or cheese omelet and tea, it doesnt mean a walk outside the college gates, with fingers locked together.

It means getting over you. It means being free of blaming myself for being alone.It means opening my eyes and realising that I have the most incredible friends anyone could ever dream of. It means having a happy fulfilling life where there is no space for you. And as incredible as it might sound to you, because I know all you remember of me is a weak girl who couldnt do without you, Im happy even without you. :)

I dont know if life will ever bring us two face to face again, I dont know if we will ever talk again. Slowly and surely all channels of communication that could have existed between us are dying away, and Im letting them, because I realised Im ok without them. I dont know if fate will ever make us meet our pasts again. But I know, if that day ever comes, you will meet a person who is very happy with her life.

This is it Ro. This is the final goodbye.

P.S: And btw, our picture is out of my wallet. :)

Sep 13, 2009

For my bestest friends....

The other day I read a blogpost (not the first of the kind) where the writer was overcome with emotions about all the blogging buddies she's made online. Its not the first of the kind, because it made me remember some poems and dedications I had read a while back, on blogs here and there, about all the blogging friends they had made. It was nice I guess, to credit blogging buddies for being the bestest, and discussing this with a few of my friends (n omg I have a gazillion :P Im definitely someone who has friends everywhere she goes :P) and a heated debate ensued. According to some of my friends, who dont blog, only do lukkhagiri on FB :P, having virtual friends is always weird, beacuse these people dont have a life. Shush now! A whackkkkk from me followed at the gustak's statement :P Cz I have met some of my closest friends online. :P anyway so we are straying from the topic... This post is about how I have some real life friends (who noone seems to be crediting on Blogsville) who are still my BESTEST friends :)

My school friends who I meet atleast once a week, go shopping with, go for weekend getaways... would you believe it that they havent yet read my blog? :P :D See, strange friends Ive got :P Ok so their big complaint is that I will write about anyone and everyone - from poems for fictional (for them) entities sitting in some godforsaken corner of the world to soft toys to heartbreaks and to silly crushes :P But according to them *sheepishly agrees* I have never mentioned them here. So here it is just for my oldest, bestest, sweetest, most WEIRD friends *what? don't glare! 1. you learnt that from me, n 2. you never came here anyway :P*

Riddhi, Padmaja and I became friends when we were in the sixth standard. I know no one will believe this but I used to like NEVER talk uptill the 7th :P I *yes yes me!* was awfully shy :P We became friends and stayed in the same class all the way till 10th. In the 8th Abha, Ketki joined us. Now this is the weirdest part, you know how bitchy girls are, and so each of us had heard ALL sorts of versions of what the other one was like, no points for guessing, most versions about me. Lolz. I have always been a controversial character :P :D But anyway, 1st day of 8th standard when we were alloted our seats, I rem this so distinctly, I smiled at Abha, and Ketki who sat behind her (I was in the adjacent row - all three always together cz we are short and hence always on the 1st& 2nd benches :P). One smile. Thats all. It took to become friends. *see now u know why i smile so much :P*

Life had different plans for us after school. Me and Riddhi ended up taking up engineering, Abha took up commerce, Ketki took up medical and Padmaja moved all the way to the other coast - chennai. The four of us who remained back, stangely, incredibly, because not many I know are still so close to school friends, we became even closer than school. :) The weekend getaways, the CRAZY shopping trips (Me Abha n Ketki once flirted with 3 guys in the shopping mall and imagine how much we kicked ourselves when we found SRK(them not me) n John(me me me!!!!) were outside for Kaals premeire :P :P :D) We have had countless night outs, sleepovers in our PJ's, discussions about guys and life and friendship and marraige and jobs... Countless lunches and dinners even breakfasts.. Countless wondering how we will be in 10 years from now, about meeting that one guy.. I have cried in front of them *yes im a big crybaby :P* about my broken heart, they were there when I literally had NO clue what I will do in life again. They have been the only people who have known me the longest, and always accepted me the way I am.

Abha is the chotisi bacchi of the group. Even though she scolds me everytime I want to buy one more teddybear at the mall, she is one baby pink - baby blue crazy girl. Aptly named "mini mayapuri" :P , the best part about her is that she has never ever ever been mean to anyone. She is simply incapable of being rude or mean or anything bad in anyway :) We have had countless shopping trips, buying everything from lingerie to cells :P and throw in a whole wardrobe in the middle :P

Ketki is the most matured girl, who had her books all done first in school :P & has the most practical approach to life. She and I were two people with the most volatile natures, and my dear god, have we had some serious fights??!!! And then we each used to storm off and people had to come get us together. Which we used to anyway, because we cant do without each other :) She has the voice of an angel and if she ever went on Idol she will win it, but stupid that she is, she doesnt take us seriously. *sigh!* someday we will kidnap her and send her on stage... someday.. :)

Riddhi is mad. No other word for her. She is the fashionista, drives like she is a racing god :P my flirting partner in crime :P (we have actually gone out with the same guy and then dumped him after respective first dates... *evil laugh*) She considers anything less than perfect hair, less than perfect attire to be a disaster and the girl will actually come to you and tell you you are one disaster :P She understands all jokes in the end, and then we have to laugh a second time with her, she is now in the US and she insists I still write her programs for her :P :) Damn I miss u girl!!! :(

Padmaja moved to the Chennai right after 12th standard. We didnt meet much during Junior high, and we dont talk all that often, *lately thanks to FB we do*, but she still remains one of my closest friends. She has always been this really sweet girl, choir group (yeah we all are a pack of singers :P), intelligent, english mam's fav *right after me ofc :D* I remember the very first outing *shopping trip* that we girls had was because of her *her car :D* Whenever she comes here, we meet up and its like we have never been away at all. And that happenes only with best friends right? I mean people fall apart, fade away, whatever the term, when distance comes into the picture. But we didnt and Im awfully proud of each one of us for that. :)

I love you guys, and I know we meet often enough *a whole week without you guys is LONG seriously*, but still I miss you :) You will always be a big big part of who I am, and whatever I am now would be impossible without you. I know we will remain just as close as we are now, even years from now. Someday we are going to sit with our teenaged kids and tell them about our escapades and argue about who said what, while playing rummy, where Abha will still be winning , me and Riddhi will still be cheating and Ketki will still be lost :P :D & hopefully by then we will NOT be calling paddy over the phone and shrieking into it about who is winning!! :)

I love you guys! Mwahhhhh!!!! :) :)

Sep 5, 2009

For YOU....

I just had to write this.

I miss you. I miss talking to you all night long. I miss talking to you on the phone, making you talk for long hours in the middle of the night, not caring about the balance. I miss calling you silly stupid names, laughing silently when you sing, frowning about how stubborn you are, how you one big stupid flirt. I miss arguing with you. I miss the way you say my name. I miss the connect calls. I miss your laugh - I never told you how buttery THAT was eh? :)

I miss roaming on the edge of the quad, my backpack slung over my shoulder, my head tilted left side, the phone at my ear, answering questions about my day. I miss waking up in the middle of the night at some godforsaken time, so we can talk YOUR time. I miss asking you stupid questions, that make you think. I miss reading your poems before anyone else. I miss smiling, because you made me.

I miss waking up and going online and reading your offlines, because you sent them because you knew I'll read them first thing in the morning. I miss writing you silly mails. I miss glaring at you, when your boss makes a appearance and you disappear. I miss missed calling you. I miss refilling just to talk to you. :) I miss telling you that I missed you.

I miss the carpet ride around the world. I miss dreaming. I miss being called sunshine, even though I know 3 months is not a lifetime for you, this summer was for me. I miss pouting, I miss diving under covers and I miss peeking from long lashes. I miss narrowing my eyes, waiting for you to be on time, for once. I miss thinking about you all the time. I miss boring V n M n B n whoever else about your talks all the time. I miss you so so much.

I miss telling you that you will always be important to me. I mean it you know :)

P.S: This is utterly stupid I know, its just that I miss you a LOT tonight.... *sigh!*

Aug 30, 2009


Someone just asked me “Annie, do u still believe in love?” And I answered without missing a beat, “Yes I do.” Damn the question keeps popping up all the time eh? Why is it assumed that someone who has had a breakup has to be a non believer? Is everyone falling in the said category a non believer? If so then that makes me one strange girl!! :P

I have had a rather depressing love story, having loved a guy for a better part of college life, which ultimately ended in total chaos, misery and tears. I’m not trying to be super-womanly about it… I went through my share of crying and moping and questioning the world “Y me?” I was depressed crazy but you know I reached a point where I finally believed that the guy wasn’t worth it. I mean I am not blaming him or cursing him all the way to damnation, no I am not, I just finally came to terms with the fact that he wasn’t the one I am supposed to be with. I have no reason to hate him, because hating him won’t make things any better. He has wronged me yes, and there are some things I will never forgive him for, but no matter what I cannot just do away with years off my life can I now? The memories are always going to be there and its my choice whether I put up with them lik adjusting in a badly cramped place, poking and prodding at things from the past or packing them away in a cardboard box and putting them away at the back of the room. I made the place. I put them away back. For good. :)

Do I still believe in love? Yes I do. I am one silly girl who happens to be a eternal romantic. I still believe someday someone is going to show up who is going to come and sweep me off my feet. Of course he won’t be perfect, because no one is, but he will be perfect for me. I dream of that guy sometimes, smiling foolishly, about someone who isn’t even here yet!!! Lolz. I really AM strange. :P

Being in a relationship that didn’t work out and broke my heart could have very easily turned me bitter towards a lot of things in life. Most people I know are like that, unable to accept something that life is offering now, because you are still clutching the past. That is not how it should be. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. Maybe the best reason for all the crap that happened to you was to make you perfect for the next person who comes along. :)

There’s a very special person who I often tell, “Everything has to balance out in the universe. If something bad has happened to you, something good is waiting for you right around the corner.” Hope someone who is reading this right now, realizes that and smiles. Coz nothing makes me happier than making someone smile. :)

P.S: there is a lot more to life than you think there is, so SMILE ppl! For all you know, someone might be falling in love with that smile right now. :)

Aug 29, 2009

Of being sleepless, GROSS men, and Rishi Kapoor..

Awake at an ungodly hour such as now (4:42 am), listening to my all time fav song - Iris, NOT thinking of the past as I would have been doing under the previous two conditions.. instead Im in some philosphical mode, thinking about life and love and friendships and college and office and you know, anything and everything and nothing at all too :) But I aint getting any better with the conclusions part, but its ok I guess. Life has been good. And thats enough for now.


I have been travelling by bus to office a lot lately (afterall I was going to run out of money SOMEDAY. well, guess someday is here :P) Ma kicked me literally and told me in a rather stern(bullying) voice that just because I earn now, DOESNT mean I am supposed to spend it ALL in one go. Lolz. That conclusion being derived from the fact that absolutely NOTHING *gasp* remains of my first month salary. Hahaha! guess I got a lil bit too enthusiatic with all the cash :P

Haan toh I was saying ki I travel by bus a lot these days, and as usual I observe. Meaning I have this tendency of observing things in situation I cant talk nonstop like I usually do. So I have observed this rather strange mix of people I meet in buses. I wont go into the details of them all (maybe someday later) But there is one thing I have observed so many times, but never ever fails to GROSS me out! I mean this is by far the yuckiest thing I have ever observed and discussions with fellow male species didnt give me much insight on why men do it in the first place. The topic being "what is with the impossible urge of men(?) to scratch their crotches in public?" *pukes*

Ok so I really like the window seat in buses. I dont like to sit on the sides because invariably some guy/man/creature with the (dash) is going to come there, smelling lik a goat, thrust his royalty right next to my shoulder, n get into the scratch-like-a -monkey mode. All that happening like inches away from my face. *ewwwww* :

Ok so I m grossed out at 5 in the morning. Lolz. :P

Moving onto other bus happenings. BEST has installed some really pathetic looking TV's inside the buses, which play the choicest songs. I mean one bus ride from Andheri to Chandivili put me through various levels of choreography witnessed by the Indian cinema.

First up was "Sochenge tumhee pyaarrr aarrr aarrrr kare ki nahi". I was snoozing in the bus when I heard the song suddenly start, and I woke up HIGHLY irritated wondering who on earth wrote a song that says "I will THINK about wheather I want to love you" Dont we like have enough of people in the world who cant make up their mind??!!! *shakes head* Next the visual (lack of)treat. Rishi Kapoor dancing in a silver suit *suffers head trauma due to the sudden glare* Then came out a horde of women (wearing silver ofc, color coordinated song that was!) who looked like they forgot to wear their saree's. Oh dear god! what could POSSIBLY be worse? I found out soon.

I have this another tendency to observe dance steps, because I have been dancing from as long as I can remember, and many times, we set dances with dance steps taken from here and there. In this song, there was a wide array of props - first FLAGS (the miniature kind we get on independence day), then we had peacock feathers, lasers, ribbons - everything that glitters and DOES NOT go with silver.

Last but not the least, Rishi Kapoor removes his silver *I don shades to protect eyes now* jacket, and Lo! wht do we see? its RED on the inside!!! Its also satin, and Rishi uncle is sweating profusely and next he removes his jacket and throws it in the middle of a group of screaming women. *shakes head*

I went back to sleep, throughly traumatised from the odd 3 minute song, and dreamt of intermittent silver flashes of light.


My favorite Prince is back home.

- Annie.
P.S: N Im still NOT sleepy!!! :P :D

Aug 26, 2009

A-Z ....

Dhapped the Tag from MistyRhythm's page... (ok im back to doing Tags. :P yeah i like them so much!)

A – Available/Single? – Single: YES Available : NO
B – Best friend? – I have too many! Can’t pick one. :)
C – Cake or Pie? – Cake. Cheesecake :) As weird as it might sound, I've never had pie.
D – Do I want something right now?– Yes! But its highly unlikely I will actually get it.
E – Essential item you use every day? – Kohl. Everyone knows that by now eh? :P Oh and Davidoff Cool Water. I NEVER leave home without a dab.
F – Freedom to me is? – Being Happy. Being unhappy means something is restricting you somewhere...
G – Giggle / Laughter – Laughter. I have been blessed to have met people who brought a lot of that into my life...
H – Heart / Brain – I’m one messed up system. In matters of the heart, I let my brain do the talking and when I should let my brain decide, my heart takes over. *sigh!*
I – Indulgence/ Addiction? – Indulgence. There are simply too many things cluttered around in my life for it being feasible to get addicted to.
J – June or July? – June. It rains a lot here in that month. Plus I always associate school with that month, since it was when it reopened.
K – Kids & their names? – I had once planned on naming my little son Rehaan. I don’t know if I still want to. It’s hard to get over the mental image I had of the little things he would do, at the same time, even the fictious lil boy reminds me of things I would rather forget.
L - Life is – too bizarre and complicated to be explained in a one liner.
M – Mistakes – do not sound so dumb when we make them right? :P Ok ok seriously, I think if people wouldn’t make any mistakes, they wouldn’t get any wiser. :)
N – Number of siblings? – None.
O – One thing I hate to accept? – That I have absolutely NO ego. I forgive much too soon and much too easy. K It shouldn’t work that way.
P – Pictures / Reality – Reality. It leaves a lasting impression. One that limited dimensionality of pictures cannot capture.
Q – Quote for today? – “I wish you could hear all the words I’m too afraid to say…”
R – Reason behind my brain working these days? – Coffee. Coffee. And some more coffee. :P
S – Season? – Monsoon. I have always had a love affair with the rains… From the beginning of tiny drizzles to the lashing of a heavy downpour. It’s a season for romance, what else will be the fitting favorite for an eternal romantic like me?
T – Tag 3 People? – Noone since I know people dislike doing tags. I think I’ve spammed people enough already :P
U – Unknown fact about me? – Ahh!! Lemme see… I’ve really tiny hands. :P
V – Vegetable you don't like? – I’m not too picky about food. It just has to taste good. :P
W – Worst habit? – Falling in love too easily...
X – X-rays you've had? – Err.. Hands, Legs, Ears ( :O ). Yeah, that’s about it.
Y – Yes?? Yuck??? – Makes no sense whatsoever, so moving on to the last question…
Z – Zodiac sign? – Feisty Fiery Sagittarian :P